to think that if single parents get benefits to SAH then so should co-hab parents?

[angelswithdirtyfaces]

If its ok for single parents to choose to SAH (on benefits) then parents co-haibiting should have this choice too?

If I went out to work (currently work from home but looks like I will lose my job just before xmas!) I would have to find a carer for my youngest child who has a disability. Most carers earn from £7-£10 an hour. I can't earn enough to cover just a carer!

I get 24 hours 'off' once every 2 weeks, the rest of the time, my day starts at 6am and rarely finishes before 1am. Teens don't tend to go to bed by 9pm, which means I am on duty for a long time. I don't have anyone else to share the load with.

A couple, even on one wage, has a lot more benefits than doing this all on your own

Yes, I was referring to the old system.
I know the LHA would not pay for a 2k a month house.

actually having been in both positions of being a single parent and now living with my dh, i have to sya iw as better off financially as a single parent!

i haven;t read the whole of the thread so forgive me if it has moved off the subject and i am now no longer tlakign in context.

But as a single mum of three children aged 10-18 months and i was workign full time i received a hell of a lot of tax credits which amounted to almost £400 a week as my childcare was £287 a week. plus my wages on top of this.

Now dh and i are back together i ahev ahd to stop working as the tax credits were cut as dh was deemed to earn too much we get £10 a week tax credits now, and i had to stop work as dh was subsidising my working by £150-£200 a month as my wages only just covered childcare but didn;t cover my diesel to get to work, lunches etc.

so whilst i am happier being with dh and the children having both parents here for them and dh beign here to cut me some slack sometimes, i can see why people are so resentful of those who 'appear' to make a lifestyle choice of being a single parent and staying at home with thier children.

Well I am working on the old system and can tell you that they have paid out £2k in housing benefit, I've seen it.
I just did a calculation for the new system working on the theory that I didn't have DH and I would receive £821. per month in housing benefit and £60.00 in council tax benefit, am seriously considering packing his stuff up

KatieDD said this "If we could get back to supporting the family unit instead of making single parenting/living of benefits a lifestyle choice, then we'd have less thread like this. "

Now you are going to have to stop posting shit like that - i have pulled a tummy muscle laughing

Being a single mum on benefit is a lifestyle choice - oh god, here i go a gain LMAOROTFPMSL

GET OVER YOURSELF!!!!!

If these threads offend you so much then don't read them. In an ideal world, we would all live in a happy little family unit wouldn't we. But what about the woman with the alcoholic abusive partner or the woman that was simply left holding the baby - should they think twice before they make their lifestyle choices, just for the sake of the family unit.

You work for the CAB?? Fuck me, i thought that was supposed to be manned by compasionate people who want to help others. Not judgy mysoginists

Family unit - MY ARSE

What are you talking about ?
You don't think that people split up because of financial troubles ?
You don't think that children deserve a mother and father, you're the one that needs to get over yourself, most normal people want a family unit.

and should ahve asid dh;s income barely covers house payments, council tax, utilities and food. so ime i def had more disposbale income as single working parent.

What are you talking about ?
You don't think that people split up because of financial troubles ?
You don't think that children deserve a mother and father, you're the one that needs to get over yourself, most normal people want a family unit.

Right, for one thing, we ARE this precious family unit you describe. I am lucky to have a loving DP who works his arse off to support me and his DD. We can't manage soley on his money so we have tax credits, we would have lost our home without them. We HAVE nearly split up over finances.

As to whether i think a child deserves a mother and father, of course I do - but i also think all children are entitled to happy,safe and secure homelife and that you are extremely niave if you think that this is always possible.

Most people want a family unit, most people want enough money to manage, most people don't want to split up for whatever reason, most people want the support of a loving partner. Sadly, this is the real world, with real troubles, it can hit "perfect" families at any time. You are so self righteous it astounds me.

So basically you agree with what i said then ????
I said that we should support the family unit, if we scrapped tax credits and gave your husband who is working and supporting you a tax code that reflected that you'd have more money ??? If we gave you mortgage relief you'd be able to feel confident in keeping your home ???
I am not naive in thinking that a secure family life is most important for children, frankly you have your wires crossed and are talking out your arse.

Do people really believe that single parents choose that life?
i don't think i know anyone who is caring for children alone who would not love dearly to have a partner and go back to work.
you can choose to be a SAHM with a partner because they will be there to bring in the wages.
a single parent doesn't have that option.

What an ignorant ill informed view point

KatieDD: 'supporting the family unit' is bullshit: it just means 'reducing women to slave status' by enforcing economic dependency on men and making women responsible for 'keeping' a man.

Also, instead of attacking the poor for costing too much housing benefits -'how dare these scum live in nice housing' what about blaming the greedy landlords who charge excessive rents because they know the councils will pay it?

"what about blaming the greedy landlords who charge excessive rents because they know the councils will pay it?"

That's not strictly true under the new system - an average is worked out in each LHA area of the cost of renting each size house and an average rate worked out. Of course there will be some houses that cost less than this, a reasonable number which cost the same as that rate, BUT a lot will cost more - HB won't pay the extra under the new system - it's a set amount whether you're renting a 3 bedroom £500 a month house, or a 3 bedroom £1000 a month house in that area.

And actually as it stands at the moment most private landlord won't even accept housing benefit so it makes no odds to them how much LHA is given in that area.

I thought they did have this choice OP you are a twit its not just single parents that claim benefits and Stay at home

i wholeheartedly agree solidgoldbrass. I am lucky, i have a decent partner who doesn't piss all his money up the wall, he doesn't abuse me verbally or physically, he is faithful and hard working. He loves me and hasn't decided he wants his single lifestyle back.

Supporting the family unit sounds like something David Cameron would spout - Yes, of course families more support, no one is suggesting otherwise. But supporting the family unit at any cost?? So, it would be OK for a woman to be ignored, humiliated, beaten, worn down by a pig of a man, just so long as she put up and shut up and kept the family together?? Yeah, that would be better for the children at the end of the day wouldn't it - seeing Dad come in pissed from the pub (or worse), shouting at mum, calling her all the names under the sun etc etc - you know something KDD - as shocking as this might sound to you but WOMEN DON'T HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THIS ANYMORE!!!! Supportng a woman in her CHOICE to walk away from this and set up a stable and secure home for her children is supporting the family, it just doesn't facilitate a society where women don't have a voice.

Yes, it's nearly always the women who are blamed for becoming single parents. Whether it's that they are slags who should have kept their legs together and not got pregnant in the first place, or whether they should have worked out ways of managing a violent man's temper better 'shouldn't provoke him, love', or not let themselves go -that's what's always behind this 'why don;t people work harder at marriage' crap. It's never let's teach men that violence is unacceptable, that no matter how much they earn they are responsible for at least 50% of the domestic shitwork (either do it, or pay for it to be done), that they can't go to the pub every single night and indulge their hobbies every weekend when they have families because their families are not just accessories to prove they are 'normal'...

exasperatedmummy at no point has anybody suggested that women have to put up with any abuse at all.

KattieDD, First of all, can i apologise for getting personal (the get over yourself stuff WAS a bit childish). I think it is probably a different argument, but i just cannot agree with the whole "preserve the family unit~" idea. Sadly, people split up, and even if there is no abuse going on at all, its not an ideal situation to bring children up in that environment for that reason, that couple might chose to split up. That is very sad and like you have said, people have split up through financial strain and i can very much relate to that.

I always used to say, that if you have to "work at something" then its not worth saving, because if you love each other you shouldnt have to work at it - i was VERY niave. You DO have to work at things, especially when children come along and all the trials and tribulations that come with them. I honestly don't think that couples take ending a relationship lightly and no one really choses to be a single mum on benefits.

I just cannot understand why single parents are frowned upon - most have found themselves in that situation through no fault of their own. Shit happens.

Then of course that you have the breed of single parent that gets pregnant at 18 and is living in rented accomodation paid for by the state at 19. Um, well, that would be me then - it was that or have an abortion. I now have a lovely 18 year old DD, i did get off benefits, partly because i met someone and partly because i went back to university. I actually really admire young mums, they have an awful lot to cope with when to be totally honest, their own bodies and minds haven't formed enough to make it any easier for them.

It really isn't a lifestyle choice.

My point all along is that is there ought to be a way to support people to stay together then I think that is a more admiral use of my taxes than helping families to split up.
I have known people driven to divorcing for no other reason than financial strain and isn't that a shame when upon splitting up the mother thinks phew I'm now better off.
Of course there should be a safety net for people in need but my experience both within my family and what I see at work is that for some people children are used as a reason not to work. It's very naive to think that every case is a deserving one.

That was why tax credits where introduced - so that SAHP could benifit from only one parent working and the other working at bringing up their own children.

It was meant to work on a sliding scale, so that the more money one spouse earnt then the less benifit the "family" received. This was to slide uip to £50k when it was introduced.

So anyone eaning under £50k per year could claim a certain amont of benifit.
Only what looked good on paper and the Australian system it was half baked on did not actually work in reality of the benifit system helping mothers who were with partners stay at home.

manly due to the fact it was a sliding scale to the £22k mark and then it was the same amount each week until you hit £50k not much difference in these types of wage packets - just a meager £28k.....

Then of course with all the other cock ups people were actually put into debt by the goverment benifit sytem and it was all a sorry mess - again.

This thread was not about bashing single parents. I know loads of families who are both forced to work full time and don't have the choice to SAH. All I am saying is that if single parents have this choice so should co-habiting parents.

I find it 'interesting' that so many posters would rather get irriate than be open to another viewpoint.

Also, i don't find the view, its really hard being a single parent or there is 2 of you doing 50% of the work - so its easy very substantial.

Just because you have a partner does not mean your life is easier or that they can/will provide childcare.

It laughable that some of you think I'm just trying to be nasty. What iam doing is saying, single parents are not the only ones who have it hard.

It must be REALLY tough when both of you HAVE to work full time and put your DC in childcare if you don't want to! Think on.

angelswithdirtyfaces, you are right to a degree, we have it hard, there are two of us and we battle. My life WAS alot easier actually when i was a single parent on benifits. Easier than it is now with our financial and emotional problems, but i had NOTHING!

I think the thing that has really wound people up is implying that people CHOOSE to be a single parent on benefits. It is often simply the case that single parents just cannot afford to work, and even if they could they would merely break even. So i don't think they actually have much choice really.

The frustrating thing is, this thread could have been a lot different if it was worded "i think there should be more financial support for families who want a SAHP" and not mentioned single mums. Because yes, i think the choice to be a SAHP is a very valid and important choice, which as you say, is not open to everyone and often both parents have to work and that is quite sad really.

"I think the thing that has really wound people up is implying that people CHOOSE to be a single parent on benefits. "

I think SOME single parents do choose to be SAH and be supported by benefits. People admit that on MN.

I mentioned single mums because I wanted to highlight the fact that they can choose to be a SAHM and lots of mums in relationships don't have the 'choice' element.

I accept the fact that prehaps single SAHM's have little money to live on ....but that is a whole differemt debate.

FWIW, i don't think that we should have to tip-toe around imfammatory subjects - we agree/we disagree - that is life.

No. Because you are part of a team Angel. You look after the children and your partner earns the money. Team work. Together, the system works....

You really are a very strange bitter woman.