to think that if single parents get benefits to SAH then so should co-hab parents?

[angelswithdirtyfaces]

If its ok for single parents to choose to SAH (on benefits) then parents co-haibiting should have this choice too?

You'd find that single parents dont get time off as such, when the kids are with their ex's usually catching up on things around the house etc. And not everyone has that./ My exp is a complete waste of time and effort when it comes to him seeing ds. Never mind the fact he doesnt contribute financially either. Its fantastic fun supporting 2 of us on litte over £100 a week

wtc? ctc? You get top ups, you are at home then yourself?

hey soon we are going to be forced to work!!!

YOU won't be forced to work, you have a partner!!!!!! You will be able to be your child's carer, you will have the luxury of your child having a parent 'there' for him/her, if you choose not to work and be a one income family.

I won't.

"I know it must be hard being a single parent BUT lost of single parents get time off when their ex has their DC."

oh I'm sorry - but now I really can't take you seriously. Yes I'm one of the lucky ones - once a fortnight my exH has my 3 DS's for 2 nights (this has only just gone to 2 nights, had been just one due to his job). That's once every two weekends I get some "time off" - oh wait no actually I don't - I still have to play the organ at church, and there are many things that need doing around the house that I can't really do when the DS's are here with me on my own.

And I said I'm one of the LUCKY ones getting that time to do jobs that need doing without the DS's

MANY absent parents NEVER have their DC overnight (or even in the day) so for many single parents they are looking after their children 24hrs a day 365 days of the year

"YOU won't be forced to work, you have a partner!!!!!! You will be able to be your child's carer, you will have the luxury of your child having a parent 'there' for him/her, if you choose not to work and be a one income family."

You should support yourself if you are a single parent and can. There should not be a choice.

I would love for ds's dad to have him overnight. I could get my life back! Go to the theatre... ahh, to dream.

By that logic then so should both members of a co-habiting couple. So no-one gets to stay at home with their dc.

As I said before though in general it is going to be easier when there are two of you working toward the common goal of bringing up your child. Don't you get that?

"You should support yourself if you are a single parent and can."

surely everyone should be doing that so what's your problem with single parents specifically?

I did not say that every single parents gets time off but alot of them do and can SAH, when do co=hab couples get a weekned to themselves - rarley - oh, but they have a partner.

A single parent is doing the job of two people. Maybe that is why they deserve a bit of slack with not being horsewhipped out into paid employment without even the choice of getting a job that fits in with their partners hours. You would have that choice as a co-habiting couple, a single parent would not.

Mascara

If your partner works and you can afford not to work then whats the problem?

You're missing something here though. Isn't it better for the child to be at home with a parent rather than at a baby farm nursery with strangers who are so underpaid that they are often immature school leavers. Doesn't the child benefit from spending time with a parent?
A single parent can choose to work and send their child to a nursery, but so can a SAHM in a relationship. It's the child that is important here though, which is why a parent (not always) stays at home with them. I paid NI contributions, I claimed benefits whilst ds was very small. The benefits system is there if you need it. Isn't this why it was set up? It's not forever.

you do have this choice.

you can choose to be poorer than you are. If you have a husband and he works, you can choose to stay at home while your DH goes out to work and no-one will harass you to get a job, but you will be poor. Very poor.

That's how it is for single parents. Except that we carry all the emotional and financial burdens of bringing up our children as well, without any help from anyone in many cases. And our children may have been horribly traumatised by in effect losing one of their parents and need more support and help than those growing up in a happy functional family. But carry on being jealous, by all means.

almummy

That is not true, I cannot work (even if I wanted to) as my DH works very long hours and I cannot afford the childcare. I don't have a choice.

angels, babysitters? Sometimes single parents even have to find the money for these if they want time to themselves.

Don't generalise its not appropriate.

But actually I do agree that all mothers should get an allowance to stay at home with their children while their children are young. It's valuable work.

Xenia will be along soon to tell us that it isn't and it's much better if the whole world spends all their time making money.

Farkin ell think I'll go to bed.

I don't understand your question Angels?

You are saying you should support yourself as a single parent if you can

I am saying

you should support yourself if you can regardless of whether you are a single parent or not, so why specifically target them?

What is the question you are asking me?

Phantom

SAH with your child is luxury thatmost single parents can't afford without state benefits.

no actually a lot of them don't

True not many couples get a whole weekend together........however I know when I was married at the weekend I would get my chance to pop into town to do a bit of shopping, or perhaps even go and see a friend in the evening. Sometimes exH would go into town to get stuff done. We both had "respite" from chores/looking after the children.

My weekends without the children are never a time off. This weekend I have to starting planning the Christmas Carol service at church, Sunday morning will be regular Sunday service that I play for. Then I need to clean the DS's room - I can't do it during when I have the DS's as either DS3 is awake and can't be left on his own while I do it, or he's asleep in there. Oh and then I need to get as much of my stuff I've cleared out (in preperation for being forced to move - because of money) onto ebay - I need to raise at least £1200 by the end of January if I want to minimise the risks of the DS's and I being left without a home early next year.

Mascara

Are you saying that if you are co-hab and your partber works and you can afford to SAH without benefits - you shoulkd work?