to think that if single parents get benefits to SAH then so should co-hab parents?

[angelswithdirtyfaces]

If its ok for single parents to choose to SAH (on benefits) then parents co-haibiting should have this choice too?

but how do you know which parents could work (and make it financiably viable) and which ones couldn't? I am perfectly capable of working (but I hope to god I don't end up in a job again which involved me being awake for 48hr stints on a regular basis - nearly bloody killed me - especially as I was pg for the last 6 months of that job.....)

How would you feel if I started a thread something along the lines of

"Why do SAHM's with a DP/DH complain about money being tight but then not bother getting about a job - just stop moaning and find work"

I suspect you wouldn't like it would you? As you have reasons that finding working is difficult, and I would be lumbering you along side that small proportion of SAHM's who think it's their right to sit at home while their OH brings home the wage - but still complain about a lack of money.........

i would like to add - that if anything

the op proves that the money should be put into education

clearly

dumb ass thread

so if you have a problem with 2 parent families choosing to stay at home then your problem is not with single parents sah it's with people choosing benefits as a lifestyle choice? surely!

in which case there is already a thread.. and this one need be no more.

And as an aside I am shocked and disappointed at some of the posts about single parents on this thread.

you have 4 dc, you get to stay at home, you just said you don't need the money either so what the heck are you actually on about.

Picking up on you rpoint about 2 parent families where both parents have to work..

all I can say is..

what about single parents who HAVE to work?

they do exist you know.

Leaving the thread now as Custardo is here to put end to it in manner of doctor swiftly excising a horrible growth of some kind.

yeah I'm lazy scrounging benefits claimant who sits on her arse all day doing bugger all else

Why do SAHM's with a DP/DH complain about money being tight but then not bother getting about a job - just stop moaning and find work"

I can't afford the childcare/ I can't work out of hours as my DH works away a lot. It is not only single mums who think they have it hard,

I would work if I had childcare - I don't. i would love more money.

"dumb ass thread"

It always comes to this, instead of a reasoned arguement.

I find it deeply unfair that SOME single parents can choose to SAH and co-hab can't.

Off to bed now.

so there you go - you wouldn't like it if I started a thread like that would you?

So perhaps in future think about how other people who would also "love more money" and would "work if they could" who happen to be single parents are going to feel about you ripping them to pieces.

What about the families with 2 parents who do not work? I can't see any threads about these? Are these not worse?

What about disabled parents? Surly they could work too right? It doesn't matter if they are blind or can't walk. They should make themselves useful and get off benefits.

Lets put children back up the chimneys. Why pay child benefits? They shouldn't be at school. They should all get a job!

It's not just single parents (some of them) who don't work and claim benefits. Are you going to bitch about them all?

People are often confined by their circumstances. They can't control whether they become ill or their husband dies. The welfare system is there to support them (hence the name welfare!) There's no shame in this. If people choose to stay on it for a long while then it's really got bugger all to do with anyone else. If your husband chooses to work which means you are over the threash hold then that's down to him. It's got nothing to do with anyone else how someone chooses (or not IYSWIM) to live.

OP: I don't come on to this site to listen to shit like this. I come to offer support and to have a chat. Maybe you need to look at your motives and look elsewhere for your kicks.

I'm through with this thread.

But alot can work and don't.

Really off to bed now.

I agree with Mascara

people (whether male or female) should support themselves if they can regardless of whether they are a single parent or not

What is this single parent obsession? I imagine that living on the breadline alone with children to bring up is pretty thankless, actually. What makes sense is supporting people back into the workplace.

Angels, if you're not trolling you're thick as shit. Some people choose to live on benefits for ever, sure. SOme people struggle for years to work and support themselves on very little money. Marital status does not affect whether a person is a tryer or a lazy-arse. But unless a single parent has either an active, involved co-parent (who just happens not to be a couple partner) who lives nearby and doesn't work odd shifts or very long hours or a lot of helpful family members who also live nearby and have some spare time, it's often just not possible to get anything other than a shitwork job (for less money than you'd get on benefits, so why bother?), because well-paid jobs demand far more of a time-commitment than a lone parent can manage.

but you are at home, you have chosen to stay at home.

if my husband hadn't left I may have been able to find a job, when he was here to look after the dc. The natureo f your dh's job doens't allow you to do that either, in the same way that there is NOONE to look after my kid 'out of hours'

angel...but can work may not mean they are financially better off...therefore....it would be kinda pointless....other then maybe for the parents own sanity....but that is a different matter altogether...

thick as shit

how do you "know" they can work - by all intents and purposes anyone looking at me and my situation would say "there's no reason you can't work" - however the fact is I can't - and I know many single parents in the same position as me.

Stop reading the Daily Mail/other tabloid rubbish - it's only a small number that could work but choose not to - and I hope to god that your marriage doesn't break down - as then you may well find (with 4 DC) just how difficult finding work that covers the bills actually is as a single parent.

Think this is a troll. Most statements and emoticons seemed deliberately provocative. Obviously getting something out of pissing people off.

no it's someone who is pissed off (maybe rightly) becuase she is stuck at home with 4 kids, her dh is away most of the time, and she's getting no thanks/help, and money it tight.

same all over, in varying degrees. yet we all hopefully have a full belly this evening.

my 'argument' came before the "dumb ass thread" comment

but if out of the whole post you only see three words - it leads me to think that my taxes should be better spent on education.

dumb ass thread

I do think this was/is a troll.. when I started asking about what exactly the arguement was, it got a little bit flimsy really.

Can I stick my single parent oar in-I am not on benefits but study so can be at home with dd over some of school hols-however I worked abroad over summer in a law firm and believe me, working from 8am-9pm in a country you don't know and a lang you don't speak with a child sat under your desk from 5pm looks bloody unprofessional, and you would soon lose your job if it was a full time rl thing. At least if there are two of you you can share having the child under your desk.

Angels : "My DH works away alot making it impossible for me to work unsociable hours. "

Well my DH is dead. How's that for a partner being away a lot and making it hard for the spouse to work? YOu're having a go at single parents for being SAHM when you're a SAHM with the luxury of a partner and an income.

Try my life for a day - I have been at home for a while after having ds, I have just gone back to work. It is sheer drudge. I do every single thing in the house, and of course it can all be done only one thing at a time. I have to leave work on the dot of 5 despite contracted hours being longer, because childcare runs from 8-6. I pick ds up, get him home, play with him, do bath, milk, bed. When he's settled in bed I put a wash on. Then I think about making myself some dinner oh and doing some work to catch up on the hours that I missed in the office. Go to bed, get up at 6 the next morning, sort myself out, sort ds out. drop him at CM on dot of 8, get into office for 9 ... do it all again.

No-one else there - EVER - to give me a break, make dinner, wash up, sort ds out so that I can do something else. Every waking hour is taken up with chores and looking after the two of us and trying to keep on top of things. After childcare and tax I will take home about 1/3 of my gross income. When I work I lose benefits. When I was SAHM I could devote more time to ds, who after all only has the one parent, and I could manage the household and very occasionally have a bit of time to myself, which I don't think is too much to ask. While he is this young wouldn't it be better for me to devote more time to him? But if I don't go back to work I will lose skills and therefore future income and opportunities to get back into work.

Just try being the only parent and then you can make these ridiculous and ill-informed statements. If you want a reasoned debate don't post in AIBU - that's just calculated to get a rise.

wow i think someone has their knickers in a twist tonight
totally agree with custardo as i usually do
i am a full time shift working married mum of 1 (at the mo) and i dont work because i want to i work because i have to due to our financial demands etc. this in no way means that i think i should be entitled to benefits just because i feel i 'want more money' or feel i am owed because i am jealous of the seemingly cushy lifestyle of the single SAHM!! that is a pig headed ignorant view of someone with what sounds like little regard to the circumstances and feelings of those who are actually the heroes of the parenting world and should be celebrated as such!! they do not deserve to be berated by someone who thinks they are owed something for basically choosing not to work!! my DH works long hours, works away, my childcare costs are very high and take a full third of my weekly wage every week but i still feel that as my DD benefits hugely from interaction with other children and is learning valuable preschool skills along the way, that my 'free' time is best served bringing in a little more than i would if i was not working!!
i have friends who are SAH single mums and also SAH married mums and even working single mums, and i have never seen such a blatent display of jealous needless nastiness about a small amount of money.
OP if you are so bothered about other people circumstances why not consider getting a part time flexible job to occupy your obviously bored mind as that would be possible as it is for many co-hab parents and TBH it is a cop out moaning you DH works away/long hours because there are millions who do work under these circumstances!! stop being a hypocrite or shut up whining!!