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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that being a single SAHM on benefits is not a 'lifestyle choice' but .........

361 replies

Littleredshoe · 05/11/2008 14:57

basically scrounging ?

Surely being lucky enough to SAH with your children comes IF you can afford it? Either because you work part time, or have a partner who provides for you to do this.....

To just 'decide' that you 'prefer' not to work and live off benefits (when you are fit to work) is ridiculous and it makes me bl**dy angry that I pay tax to enable others to sit on their arses......

maybe I am ? But ......I bet there would be a lot less feckless teenage mothers if the 'right' to benefits and SAH was withdrawn.....

OP posts:
Lauriefairycake · 05/11/2008 15:01

it doesn't make me angry - some people know no different and have had unhelpful upbringings themselves. Instead it makes me sad for them and for their struggles. I also tip my hat to those who manage it well and keep their children well-stimulated/cared for/ well fed as I couldn't manage well on benefits.

Also there are plenty sah single parents who believed they were going to sah till child was 5 and then partner buggered off. So they believe it is the right thing to do for them.

so yabu I'm afraid, nose out of others business

shitehawk · 05/11/2008 15:01

Oh, do we really need this?

You cannot generalise about single parents. You cannot generalise about people on benefits. Each situation is different, and should be taken on it's own merits, not judged by some Daily Mail view of the world.

The benefits system is there for people who need it - and oddly enough, that includes single parents as well as everyone else. There are scroungers in other areas too; single mothers aren't the biggest evil in our society and don't deserve to be singled out like this.

ALMummy · 05/11/2008 15:02

I started to write a huge furious response to this but I just cant be arsed.

guyFAwkesreQuiem · 05/11/2008 15:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Littleredshoe · 05/11/2008 15:05

I have no problem with the benefits system for people who NEED it. People who NEED it should be paid a lot more than they currently are.

but people who CHOOSE to stay at home when they could be working dont NEED it, they just WANT it ; and that is different

OP posts:
AnarchyAunt · 05/11/2008 15:05

Fuck off.

IllegallyBrunette · 05/11/2008 15:06

I am split on this tbh.

I agree that once all children are at school there is no reason not to work, but that if a mum of under 5's finds hereself a single mum then they should be able to decide wether to work or not.

I had 3 dc with my xp, and it was always the plan that he worked, whislt i stayed at home with them until they went to school.

We split when my youngest was 3. I was actually currently working evenings in a shop but could no longer do that because of childcare.
I then made the desicion to not look for a job until my youngest started school.

At the end of the day, I didn't see why I should change what i'd planned (ie being a sahm whilst they under 5) just because their dad turned out to be a twat and I end up single.

My kids had been through enough with the split.

My youngest is now at school and I have a job.

beansmum · 05/11/2008 15:06

YABU. AIBU to think you are a little bit stupid?

guyFAwkesreQuiem · 05/11/2008 15:08

I shall remain at home with my DS's until the youngest starts school - (he's just turned 17 months) unless my some miracle a job appears in my town which isn't shift work, isn't night work and doesn't leave me worse off, and I can find appropriate childcare for all 3 of them.

wasabipeanut · 05/11/2008 15:09

Are we having a Daily Mail day again???

WaynettaSlob · 05/11/2008 15:11

Can someone please enlighten me as to what a single mother gets?

Kewcumber · 05/11/2008 15:11

are only single mothers scroungers then?

not single men or the childless unemployed.

single mothers of preschool children have deal more rationale for stayiong at home "scrounging" IMO than any other section of society.

If you don;t think people should be allowed to get unemplyement pay or benefits for not working then thats it - why specific single mothers?

Do you feel better about "your" taxes subsidising a 19 year old male teenager to doesn;t even look after any children

Any "your taxes" probably dont pay for it - most likely the mioney comes from Corporation tax on companies - your taxes most likely to pay for "your" health care, pension, childrens education etc.

OrmIrian · 05/11/2008 15:11

I don't know.

If it's a good thing for a woman with a partner to stay at home with her children. And many argue that it is. Why should it not be similarly for a lone parent.

And I can't help thinking that no matter how hard the logistics of working with children when there is another adult to help you, it must be much much harder when you have no-one.

I work full-time. I'd prefer not to have to the taxes I pay given to someone who doesn't need them. But I'm not sure that being a lone parent with young children who wants/needs to be at home with them doesn't indicate that you do need them.

zookeeper · 05/11/2008 15:12

What a stupid ignorant offensive small-minded post. I really don't know where to begin.

AnarchyAunt · 05/11/2008 15:12

Again and again, single parents are the ones to get the blame. We are just sitting ducks it seems.

I don't see anybody insulting the choices of my XP

I do apologise for not being able to keep a man, but its hardly my DD's fault. Until she is of an age where I consider it appropriate to be out working full time, I will exercise my right to remain at home with her.

Its hard bloody work raising kids alone you know.

Aarrgghhlloween · 05/11/2008 15:12

Are you a SAHM?

RhinestoneCowgirl · 05/11/2008 15:12

'Scrounging single parents'

But what I really object to is the idea that SAH is something you do if you are 'lucky' enough, v odd way to think about it.

Aarrgghhlloween · 05/11/2008 15:14

Or a single mother?

IllegallyBrunette · 05/11/2008 15:16

Good point AA, about the choices of xp's

My xp hasn't worked for about 3 years now and he has no intention of ever working again. He gets to have a lie in every day, then eventually get up and do whatever he pleases all day every day.

I have to see to 3 kids on my own 24/7, and yet it is me who has gone out and got a job.

VinegarTits · 05/11/2008 15:16

ffs, littleredshoe take your little red shoe and shove it up your arse your fecking ignoramous

Kewcumber · 05/11/2008 15:17

I am a working lone parent btw of a pre-school child. Just to declare my interest.

Saying only children born into a relatively affluent two parent family deserve to have a mother at home pre-school age is very divisive.

And I can;t imagine many mothers currently not working being able to work without getting benefits in some way such is the cots of childcare in this country.

Is that the better option then - single mothers forced to work for no more money than if they were caring full time for their child. Perhaps that should be their punishment. For daring to be single mothers.

The problmes of teenage lone mothers is far better tackled other ways than in effect punishing the children.

2shoeshissbangwhoosh · 05/11/2008 15:17

yabu and a disgrace to the shoes name

differentGuyD · 05/11/2008 15:17

this is a thread about a thread. I read the original yesterday.

bozza · 05/11/2008 15:18

And it is also quite hard working and raising children with a husband who also works and quite often away.

I am assuming that this is a thread in response to the other one from a single parent who said that it was her lifestyle choice, she wasn't materialistic, so why should she work ever.

Kewcumber · 05/11/2008 15:18

hesitate to quote David Cameron but some time ago he said something along the lines of...

"the problem with single mothers is not the single mother who - its the absent father"