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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have reported these builders ?

320 replies

beanieb · 03/11/2008 14:43

At lunch time I walked to the nearest shops to work and passed a site where there are retirement homes being built. As I walked by a couple of builders whistled and shouted 'oy' . I noticed a sign outside the site saying something about 'considerate construction' so rang it immediately! I wasn't rude but I did point out that shouting at people walking by was hardly considerate.

Why do I feel so guilty then!? MEH!

OP posts:
exasperatedmummy · 03/11/2008 14:49

i think YABU, i would be quite happy to be wolf whistled at tbh. So long as they didn't shout anything abusive or make you feel intimidated then i don't see a problem. Builders are having a hard time of it lately, jobs are VERY scarce and hard to come by. Lets hope no one loses their job I don't think that will happen really. I think you over reacted.

Tell me where the site is and i'll walk up and down a few times - trouble is, they probably wont say anything to me.

J2O · 03/11/2008 14:51

isn't it illegal for builders to wolf whistle now?

J2O · 03/11/2008 14:53

ha can't find anything, so it can't be.

you could have just done this!

Original poster
beanieb · 03/11/2008 14:53

Exasperatedmummy - it makes me feel really uncomfortable. I really hate it. I hate walking down the street in public and having men I don't know and who don't know me shout and whistle at me. It's rude not to mention embarrassing.

Do you think they will lose their job? Maybe they shouldn't be behaving so rudely towards strangers on the street then. I don't feel quite so guilty now I have read your response

I called teh number on the sign because it was there basically asking people to call if the workers were not being considerate, they weren't.

OP posts:
Original poster
beanieb · 03/11/2008 14:55

J2O

Would love to but I am not inposession of a cock and balls.

OP posts:
J2O · 03/11/2008 14:58

where abouts are you? i've found something to do with it being illegal in Scotland.

fwiw i don't think yabu, they shouldn't do it, its derogatory and it made you feel uncomfortable.

sameagain · 03/11/2008 14:59

I thought all that feminist stuff about it being offensive had died a death TBH. It's a sorry old world, if a bunch of blokes can't have a bit of fun in the course of their work and pay you a compliment to boot (they can't help not having the vocabulary to express it properly ) I absolutely guarantee they didn't mean to be offensive.

dinny · 03/11/2008 15:00

you'll wish they did whistle when you're old and fat Gin

exasperatedmummy · 03/11/2008 15:05

I just think it is a little bit arrogant of you tbh, you must think you are so much better than them. If they were suited and booted city lawyer types who passed comment in some way about, lets say, your hair or your eyes - would you have been so "uncomfortable".

So, you are hoping they might lose their jobs? Nice

Need to get over yourself a bit dear

It would have been quite different if they were making comments about your tits or arse, but why can't you just accept a compliment and smile sweetly - time will have a way of making those compliments fewer and farther between, i'd make the most of it.

Original poster
beanieb · 03/11/2008 15:07

How do you know I am not old and fat.

It's not that I find it particularly ofensive myself (Though I do get the idea that men trating women as sexual objects for doing nothing more than walking past is a bit off and that in the 21st century we should have moved on a little as far as parenting boys goers and not be teaching them that this kind of behaviour is acceptable, let alone an appropriate way to approach a stranger) but that I find it embarrassing.

I don't want all the other people on the street to look at me because a couple of strange men think they are doing me a favour and boosting my confidence (Is that what they think) and I think it's a bit like a bloke invading my personal space when I just don't want it to be invaded.

Maybe I am behind the times?

OP posts:
Original poster
beanieb · 03/11/2008 15:08

Just checked - no I didn't use the word offensive at all! Phew. Rude and slightly backwards maybe, but I'm not saying it's massively offensive. Just wondering about how the company might feel about this being the image their workers set out to the public.

OP posts:
bosch · 03/11/2008 15:12

I don't think you were being unreasonable at all beanieb.

I don't have the words to explain why I feel it's so inappropriate for men to wolf whistle. Something about the way it makes a public object of women, to be commented over (or not commented over if beyond a certain age) which is just, well, it makes me angry for beanieb!

I know (I think!) it's not illegal, which is why beanieb phoned the considerate construction phone no and not the police!

Original poster
beanieb · 03/11/2008 15:13

exasperatedmummy said "I just think it is a little bit arrogant of you tbh, you must think you are so much better than them. If they were suited and booted city lawyer types who passed comment in some way about, lets say, your hair or your eyes - would you have been so "uncomfortable". "

to be honest - if they were suited and booted and there was some means of identifying who they worked for then, YES, I would also report them to their bosses.

this hasn't really got anything to do with them being builders or a bit rough and ready - I would never stereotype someone in that way - but more to do with not wanting to have people whistle and yell at me when I walk past. It's rude. totally unprofessional also. Whoever you are. If a driver in a company car which is marked with their company name cuts me up or tailgates me ot whatever then generally I do contact the business and point out that it's not a good advert for their company.

I am not hoping they might lose their jobs, can you tell me where I have said that? I don't think I need to get over myself in this respect because that isn't what I am saying and you seem tohave misinterpreted what I am saying!

Also - shouting and whistling to me isn't a compliment. Isn't it just a very crude way of invading someone's personal space?

OP posts:
bosch · 03/11/2008 15:16

I think you're spot on there beanieb - how would posters feel if it turned out it was their dh, brother, ds etc who was doing the wolf whistling?

It's just not very respectful really, which might make me sound a bit up myself, but as you say, the company signs up to the considerate construction thing by choice, and should tell their staff what that means.

2shoeshissbangwhoosh · 03/11/2008 15:19

yabu
bloody hell I hope the blokes don't loose their jobs. they probally have familys to keep.

dinny · 03/11/2008 15:22

they were probably whistling at someone behind you

2shoeshissbangwhoosh · 03/11/2008 15:23

perhaps that is why she reported them

Original poster
beanieb · 03/11/2008 15:23

2shoes - should perhaps they not think about being professional in their jobs if they have families to keep.

NB - I didn't call the police, I called a sign which was put up for that very purpose.

I am quite surprised at the responses here tbh.

I wonder - how many people with Sons would be happy about them growing up to think that behaving like this in the workplace is acceptable .

I wonder, if they ever work with women either as builders or in other capacities would they behave the same way? They could get themselves into aome real serious legal trouble if they do!

OP posts:
RubySlippers · 03/11/2008 15:25

i always thought "considerate construction" applied to the environment (ie not working after a certain time etc) not to the builders themselves

LittleWhizzingBella · 03/11/2008 15:26

No of course you aren't being unreasonable.

If they work for a considerate contractor scheme, they are breaking the rules by whistling at you.

I doubt if they'll lose their jobs, but if they do, it will be their fault, not that of the OP. Jesus Christ, let's allow men to be grown adults and take responsibility for their own behaviour, shall we.

Original poster
beanieb · 03/11/2008 15:27

"they were probably whistling at someone behind you " in that case consider it me calling on that person's behalf. Though - no they weren't - they were shouting at me.

OP posts:
onager · 03/11/2008 15:28

YAB a bit U, but this has been done recently and it was generally agreed that men are wrong.
Not for anything in particular, just wrong.

If we notice you are attractive we are wrong
If we don't notice you are attractive we are wrong

If we don't offer you our seat we are wrong
If we do offer you our seat we are wrong (gosh how patronising we are)

If we notice you are fat we are wrong
if we fail to help you with your diet we are wrong.

The long term consequence could be that we all stop trying to satisfy women entirely and let you put your own damn shelves up.

LittleWhizzingBella · 03/11/2008 15:28

Can't believe there are still so many women around who get angry not about men sexually harrassing women, but at a woman who has been sexually harrassed standing up for herself.

Oh on second thoughts, I can.

Original poster
beanieb · 03/11/2008 15:28

Thanks LittleWhizzingBella. Dinny and 2Shoes have actually made me feel quite upset about this now.

I know you don't agree with what I did but you're being very rude now

OP posts:
VineGuyFawkesFeltMyTits · 03/11/2008 15:29

No YANBU at all, it really pisses me off they way builders think they can shout at you from across the road and show off infront of there mates, it is inconsiderate, i dont see it as a compliment, its plan rude and makes me feel uncomfortable too (and i am no wallflower, i would be inclinded to tell them to f'off) I dont blame you for ringing the company, i would have done the same.

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