to only spend £50 each on my kids this year?

[SmugColditz]

it never occured to me that I would be unreasonabl;e to do this, but an aquaintance of mine has said "Oh, X says she is only spending £50 each on her kios this year, I think that's really tight, don't you?"

And me being me, I told her I was only spending £50 each too (less on ds2, if I'm honest) because what the hell is the point of spending more than you can afford, and that she herself says her kids broke all their Christmas presents in 3 weeks.

And she looked horrified.

So, if you have a 'normal' or less than average income, how much are you spending on your kids, and AIBU?

I think it is impossible to judge on what other people spend on christmas because it also depends on lots of other variables. Obviously what you earn and how much free cash you have got is a major factor, but there are also other factors...

Do you buy gifts all year round? I have friends, and indeed have seen posts on here from people who buy gifts for their children when they see them in town (sometimes, every time they go into town). I would never do that - if ever I see anything in town that I know DDs would like, then I pick it up and put it away for Christmas (This year, I started picking things up in January). So my DDs get a lot at Christmas, but that is the one time of the year they get given presents - I virtually never buy toys in town during the year, yet lots of other people do. Those toys that other people give all year round would always go in my christmas stash!

A second varying factor is what makes up the presents. My Dds get a lot of stuff, but a lot of it is practical too. For example, DD2 has got vests, pants, 2 pairs of jeans and two packs of new tops in her Christmas sack. Again, most people would probably just give them out as and when needed, but I usually buy the next size up and put them in the sack... in fact my DDs have not had any new pants or vests since last Christmas (given as presents, then put away until needed). Again, a lot of people who spend less than £50 probably do not include such things in their presents - after all, a pack of socks, vests, pants and pyjamas for each child adds up to about £15 - 20! All the 'essentials' are given as presents at christmas - tootbrushes, flannels etc etc... things most people just give all year round (I do too for toothbrushes obviously, but what can be held back to Christmas, usually is!)

A third factor is when you start buying. I pick things up in the sales and buy something every month throughout the year (I start in January!). I don't spend much, just a fiver or a tenner or so and this might mean getting a couple of tops in the next january sale, or some toys in the 70% debenhams summer sale, or whatever it is. Again, I have never gone into debt for Christmas, and would not put it on the card - but as I get things in the weekly shop (my rule, only buy things that the girls would really like and have at least 50% discount!) and then I never really notice the money going and I don't have a huge amount of money to find in december, because even by now I have almost finished my shopping. I will just now get the girls' big presents now. If I only just started my shopping, then I would probably have to have a budget of about £50 too, because I just couldn't find that sort of money out of thin air - but I don't I just squirrel away little things and then at Christmas, go to the stash and find that I have almost finished getting everything!

A fourth factor is how much you spend on birthdays. My inlaws spend much less on Christmas than my family do, but spend a similar amount on birthdays - whereas my family only spend a bit on birthdays and most of the money gets spent on Christmas. In my family, birthdays are about the party / celebration - so with my DD's birthday on friday, she'll only get about £25 in presents, but she has a big party instead - whereas other people even the spending out over the two events - therefore spending less on Christmas, but more on birthdays. I even know of some people who spend more on birthdays than they do on Christmas, so only get their DCs little presents at Christmas, but they get most of their presents for their birthdays...

So, with all these variables, I don't think there is a right way of doing things and it is impossible to judge, because you cannot judge whether someone has spent too much / not enough unless you know how much they spend on birthdays, all year round, how much pocket money they give, what the presenst include and so on.... Therefore, I agree that the woman in the OP was being VU.

OOps, sorry that went on a bit!

ketal, what a good idea of buying all year round. I amdnit I do buy DD little bits and bobs when I am in town
I think I will start to put the majority of it away for Xmas.

I tell you what I find worrying from reading this thread, is that when DD is older and asking for specific expensive things, if we are in the smae sort of situation as we are now, then she will still only be getting a small amount spent on her as we will not have the money. That scares me

There's nothing to be scared of in that, Dusty, children have to learn they cannot have everything they want and it's a lesson best learned young. I used to feel sorry for my friends whose parents bought them everything they wanted, a lot of them were very spoiled and had spoiled attitudes to go with it.

I really don't think it's good for children to have hundreds of presents, even if their parents can afford them. I just don't (fair enough if it is essentials given as gifts, but a lot of people do just go mad on toys/gifts).

We learned to earn treats through chores and when old enough we all had part time jobs (from age about 14 - washing up in restaurant and then shop work for me). It's good discipline and certainly helped me learn to budget when I got to uni, not to mention being good at time management as I worked 20 hours a week as an undergraduate. Then studied part time while working full time.

Georgie , I remember doing the same, I had 2 morning paper rounds at 12 years old one after school, when I turned 13 I also had a weekend job in a local shop, plus various babysitting jobs. (My god you can't do that now )

I don't want to be the sort of mum that give my DD and any other DC I may have everything, but I worry for her, I don't want her to feel left out from her friends etc. But unfortunatley that is the way it will have to be if we are in the same situation.

Have not read whoe thread but would like to say YANBU!!! We will spend about £50 on DD who is 2. Am due 2nd baby in 4 weeks and am not buying it anything. DD had so much stuff when she was born and baby is hardly going to have opened his/her eyes!!!

Some of my friends think I ABU!!!! Although this particular friend did confess that last year she spent close to £500 on her 5 yr old, which if I am perfectly honest I think is disgusting!!!! I know he got a Wii, which would have been a few hundred but I think some people are so over the top re: Xmas presents.

In my family its always been more the thought that counts and just actually spending time together at Xmas. DD hardly ever sees my sisters children as they live 300 miles away, so for her just seeing them sends her delerious with excitement!! Unfortunately DH's family are very much into getting into debt to buy their children everything on their lists! Fortunately DH agrees with me

onthewarpath: That list is just from us. DVDs, CDs and books don't take up much space at all. The takealong engines are around 10cm each so ditto those. So about 6 bigger items to find space for really. We haven't got a massive house but we are not the type of family who prefers all the kids' toys out of sight in their own bedrooms so don't mind that consequently there is quite a lot of stuff in the dining room in a couple of toy boxes, and their books go on our dining room bookshelves.

I really find it difficult getting the kids to see sense about getting rid of some toys they've outgrown. LIke others have said they seem to find spurious reasons to keep them. I've taken to going through stuff when they're both out! I give it to the charity shop where my mum works.

The biggest problem with us is both sets of grandparents want to give them a little sack of stuff each on Xmas day too. It gets ridiculous. I've had to remind my mum (in a nice way) that they're not HER kids and one present each off her is plenty! I haven't yet had the guts to tackle my (lovely) MIL, who seems to favour quantity over quality! I think it's because both my mum and MIL grew up with nothing and I think they feel they have to overcompensate with their grandkids now that they DO have more money.

Plus DS1's birthday is a fortnight before Xmas so he gets loads of stuff from relatives then too. AND, he has an older cousin who passes his stuff on occassionally, so all in all, I suppose they DO have more toys than they really need.

However, as everything that they've outgrown goes to a charity shop, or passed on to younger relatives, I don't feel hugely guilty that they seem to end up accumulating quite a lot of toys between them - they get good use out of them, and then someone else does too. And I save up hard through the year to be able to pay for their Xmas pressies and so don't go into debt for it. AND they don't get anything else through the year apart from Thomas magazines from time to time.

Father Christmas is bringing from Mummy and Daddy...

collection of plastic farm animals 3.99
collection of plastic sea animals 3.99
train set £29.99
London bus 2.99
three books about 2.50 - 3.99
tangerine
chocolate!
Homemade rabbit - old scraps, but lovely!

Haven't read the whole thread, but just to say of course YANBU. It's so easy to get drawn into the whole commercialised thing of feeling that we're doing something wrong if we don't spend 'X' amount on our kids. Take a moment to stand back and think about it. Little children really won't give a damn about how much something costs. One or two items which they will really enjoy are far better anyway than stacks of stuff which will end up recycled or ignored. It gets harder as children get older, because then the things they really do want tend to get more pricey, but at that age the 'magic' of Christmas has gone anyway. They know that mum and dad are buying them a gift.

It's madness that parents can work themselves into a frenzy and even end up in debt just because of the pressure to spend money they haven't got. Is it really going to make you or your children any happier?

I am reading through the thread, it's taking time.
Mrs Ghost my kids don't get pocket money. I may start giving it regularly when DS1 starts tidying his room regularly. He used to get the Doctor Who comic every week instead, but I have stopped that because of budgeting and his ungrateful manner recently. I never got pocket money either, but would get a few pounds to spend on a big day out. DH did get pocket money, but he had to do a lot of chores to earn it (more than I would expect my DCs to do TBH)

I am currently funding my christmas by selling stuff on ebay and buying what I can on ebay too. they will probably get between £20-£50 each, but it will included PJs, socks, toothbrushes (stuff they need) as well as gifts. I agree with the idea of tailoring the gift to the child. DS1 (11) is pretty obscure and will be getting presents to match!
I am trying my hand at crafted gifts for female relatives, any ideas for homemade gifts for my Dad???

our kids only have us for presents
no relatives
we spend a lot more than 50 cos that is all they get

What's "only" about £50?

I usually spend £500 each on my kids aged 4 and 10, last year it was much more than that but this year will be less as they have stuff that can just be added to now like ds games, wii games, ipod top ups, cars for garage, leapster games, thomas trains for track etc, cars for track etc
My kids appreciate everything that they receive and don't ask for anything particularly expensive. They like to be surprised and are just as happy with books as they are with consoles. We have an average income, don't give them toys throughout the year, they get one big present each on their birthdays but that's it. We save throughout the year to give them a big pile at Christmas, but that is our choice and find that our kids are not dissimilar from the other children at school and nursery since they get more or less the same stuff.
However I do think that with careful shopping £50 can buy quite a lot for a very small child as I have done this in the past through necessity.

YANBU at all, £50 is reasonable to spend on a child at xmas, and anyone who spends stupid amounts like £500 each child needs their heads testing imo, fgs what are they teaching them? their dc will never appreciate the value of money.

No, nothing 'only' about £50, is there, really. To the OP, you are clearly not BU.
I personally think spending a week's wages on each child is mad, but each to their own.
Low-cost ideas for other family members: home-made chocs or biscuits (chocolate moulds quite inexpensive - cox&cox do a set of 24 Christmas moulds for £4). Home-made photo albums, using beautiful paper from Paperchase etc. Charity-shop jewellery dismantled and the beads put in a pretty box with coloured threads/elastic (for a small girl to reassemble).
I'm sure there are loads more ideas... anyone else? (I need more ideas!)

YANBU. This is the first year we will actually be spending more than £50 on dd .

I think it's down to the individual what they spend on their children. Whether you like it or not there IS the competition at school re. what everyone got for xmas. I personally remember making a lot of mine up, as my parents were of the one 'big' present and lots of smaller novelty ones variety. I did have have happy christmases as a child but was also dissapointed with what I got and felt like shit hearing what everyone else got compared to mine. My parents could afford more but chose not to do it that way. I don't think receiving a small amount of presents has taught me the value of money at all, anymore than giving my children a lot will make them spoilt.

Oh come on though, if you spend £500 every yr you are very quickly going to run out of things to buy them, £300 max would still get them all the lastest hi tech gadgets that their friends at school have. £500 is just showing off.

I agree VT

£500 per child? Really? I usually spend arund 50£ on ds (nearly 13) and less on dd. THis year though they will both be getting a ds as we have more money.

Yes I am running out of things to buy that's why I said it will be less this year. For my 10 year old though £300 would get one 'high tech gadget' a pair of Uggs (which she desperately wants and has begged all year for) and a few items of clothing. I want to get her more than that. Is that so wrong?

Blimey. I'm clearly just a lentil-and-hemp fool. I'll take myself off with my embarrassing bead-stringing ideas!!!

Well the only thing she has asked for this year is Ugg boots and that's a one off for her. She usually only asks for a particular dvd or something small and cheap... does thsat sound like a spoilt child? She thinks she's unlikely to get them as she ruins her shoes quite easily when through playing out. So anyway yes she will get them and keep them for best and get a lot of bits and bobs to bulk it out but that will include console games ,dvd's, etc.