Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or rather is dh? Visting without a dog is apparently impossible.....que?

74 replies

cluckyagain · 29/10/2008 11:53

Ok - just wanted to check if it's me going mad or is this a tad strange. Short version. Bil has a dog (cute and wouldn't hurt fly but barky and chases cats) and we have a cat (scared stiff of dogs) Bil had conversation with dh re: visiting us (1 1/2 hr journey) and apparently they 'dont leave the dog in the house on her own thank you very much' or words to that effect and said that they would expect to bring her when they visit us. Dh said, no sorry cat would be terrified so not convenient - please can you find a neighbour to walk/visit dog for the day when visit (generally from 12 ish til 6pm) BIL has said 'well we won't be visiting you again then will we' and obviously feels dh is being unreasonable. I am slightly aghast at this - surely the house rules of the house being visited come first? I wouldn;t dream of saying the same if it was the ther way round. They have visited before WITH the dog bit this was before we got the cat (and we were never asked if we minded....)

OP posts:
ib · 29/10/2008 11:56

Nah, they're being precious. Poor cat.

LoolaBoys · 29/10/2008 11:57

YOur house, your rules of course. BIL is being a bit pathetic. Its only a few hours

AMumInScotland · 29/10/2008 11:58

If your cat, in your house, will be unhappy with the dog there, then it's up to them to leave the dog someplace else. Quite simple really. Are they childless people for whom the dog is a child-substitute? They can get very precious about their little darling not being treated as an important member of the family, I find!

chequersandchess · 29/10/2008 11:59

We don't take our dog in PIL's house as it's immaculate and they aren't really dog people.

We stay in a travelodge then all take the dog out for a walk and keep her in the car when we're at their house (not in the summer, obv then she's in the garden).

There are ways round it, you shouldn't have to have their dog in the house, it's rude of them to argue IMO.

chequersandchess · 29/10/2008 11:59

(the house is immaculate, not the dog!)

Saturn74 · 29/10/2008 11:59

They could bring their dog, but leave it in the car with the windows open.
They could take it in turns to walk it every hour or so.
The dog is their responsibility, not yours.
It's wrong of them for trying to make you feel bad about this.

flowerybeanbag · 29/10/2008 12:00

So they never go anywhere without the dog? How bizarre, and YANBU at all.

WorzselMummage · 29/10/2008 12:02

Some people are very strange !

scaryfucker · 29/10/2008 12:02

they are loons

Original poster
cluckyagain · 29/10/2008 12:03

Not me then - thank goodness!! No BIL has 2 children so not precious but pretty selfish person and tends to think everybody should just dance to his tune (.....glad I married the other one!!!) No - they wouldn't leave the dog outside as she hates being left alone.

OP posts:
choosyfloosy · 29/10/2008 12:03

Someone tell Lost Horizon about this (sorry reference to another thread)

Original poster
cluckyagain · 29/10/2008 12:04

...although how they know she hates being left alone is beyond me!!

OP posts:
TheInvisibleSpookDidIt · 29/10/2008 12:05

I have 2 cats, and wouldn't allow anyone to bring a dog into my house.

I wouldn't mind though, if they didn't want to leave it at home for a length of time, them putting iit in the garden while they visited.

Though that wouldn't work at this time of year with the wet and cold I suppose.

Your house, your rules. Their dog, their problem. Surely they can't take the dog everywhere with them?

Swedes · 29/10/2008 12:05

Why don't you offer to pay for the dog to go to the kennel for the day. Say you would hate not to see them and therefore you would like to pay for the kennel so as not to upset your cat. It does rather put them on the backfoot and they will have to find another reason not to visit.

chequersandchess · 29/10/2008 12:06

The dog should be able to be left for a couple of hours, they are making their lives stupidly difficult.

I suspect they are lying actually, about her never being left. Does someone need to stay home and dog sit if they go to the supermarket? What about the cinema? Parents evenings?

They're being silly.

noonki · 29/10/2008 12:06

what do they do when they go to work?

nailpolish · 29/10/2008 12:07

i ufcking hate dogs
wont let them in my house

ask them if its ok then if you bring your cat when you visit them. and if its ok if their dog stays outside the entire time

OR

tell them they can bring the dog but it stays outside the entire time. chained up if need be

Lauriefairycake · 29/10/2008 12:08

Firstly I would never take the dog into someone's house who didn't want it there.

However, six hours is too long for my dog to be left and the RSPCA recommend only 4 hours. So I always take my dog and leave him in the car (or if summer then book him in to his 'nannies' where he is spoiled).

My dog loves being in the car though and would rather be where he can see us than left at home for longer than a couple of hours.

expatinscotland · 29/10/2008 12:08

neither you nor your DH is being unreasonable.

BIL's being a brat.

better he doesn't visit at all with an attitude like that.

expatinscotland · 29/10/2008 12:10

k, in all honesty i feel the same way about dogs that naily does.

the ILs came last weekend and said they couldn't get kennel space for their (very ill-behaved, medium-sized) dogs.

so they stayed in a lodge and their dogs stayed in the car whilst they were here.

because i wasn't having those dogs in this house with their vile behaviour and smell.

wannaBe · 29/10/2008 12:11

to be fair though, they have brought the dog to your house in the past and you haven't said anything so perhaps to them it seems a bit ott that you have always allowed the dog in the past and have suddenly changed your mind.

Reality is that your cat is unlikely to be that upset by the dog - it's more likely the cat will go upstairs to get out of the dog's way and come back down when it's gone. Or the cat will end up scratching the dog and it will learn not to mess with it again.

I do think that it's unreasonable to expect to take a dog to other people's houses no matter what, but if you've always allowed this dog in the past and have only recently decided you don't want it there then I can see why they're upset.

nailpolish · 29/10/2008 12:13

but wannabe

its the cats house. if it were MY house (i have a cat) i would not let dogs in - the cat needs to come downstairs if she wants a drink, or to go outside - my cat would be too scared to come downstairs in her own house - all because of some dog????

that is unreasonable

the dog was allowed in the OP's house before she had a cat - now she has a cat - what is wrong with saying "no sorry we have a cat now you cant bring the dog"

CombustiblePumpkin · 29/10/2008 12:14

That's so inconsiderate. I adore dogs, but it is completely unreasonable to bring a dog into a home with a cat. If they can't consider travelling without their dog, which would suggest they care about animals, they should totally understand why they can't have a dog in your home.

scaryfucker · 29/10/2008 12:14

I once had the most massive row with my mother.

She wanted me to look after their dog in my house while they went on hols. On a prev occasion, it shit on my carpet several times, so my answer was sorry, no.

Her response to that was "well, I will have to think twice in future about looking after your kids (her gc)"

wtf ??????????????

my response is unprintable, and may offend

some people are just plain stupid where dogs are concerned

CombustiblePumpkin · 29/10/2008 12:16

My idiot ILs insisted on bringing their dog when they visited my BIL. They stayed for 3 days. The cat was terrified and disappeared for a week.