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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Or rather is dh? Visting without a dog is apparently impossible.....que?

74 replies

cluckyagain · 29/10/2008 11:53

Ok - just wanted to check if it's me going mad or is this a tad strange. Short version. Bil has a dog (cute and wouldn't hurt fly but barky and chases cats) and we have a cat (scared stiff of dogs) Bil had conversation with dh re: visiting us (1 1/2 hr journey) and apparently they 'dont leave the dog in the house on her own thank you very much' or words to that effect and said that they would expect to bring her when they visit us. Dh said, no sorry cat would be terrified so not convenient - please can you find a neighbour to walk/visit dog for the day when visit (generally from 12 ish til 6pm) BIL has said 'well we won't be visiting you again then will we' and obviously feels dh is being unreasonable. I am slightly aghast at this - surely the house rules of the house being visited come first? I wouldn;t dream of saying the same if it was the ther way round. They have visited before WITH the dog bit this was before we got the cat (and we were never asked if we minded....)

OP posts:

nailpolish · 29/10/2008 12:54

what day do you want to meet up

rislip · 29/10/2008 12:55

Oh I know Clucky, you were very reasonable in your post. I didn't mean to imply you hated dogs. You BIL sounds very selfish about the whole thing.

aGalChangedHerName · 29/10/2008 12:56

Thursday next week? When is best for you?

Original poster

cluckyagain · 29/10/2008 12:57

rislip - you didn;t

OP posts:

Thomcat · 29/10/2008 12:58

My brother has a dog that he and hios wife used to bring with them whereever they went, or they insinuated they would be unable to come as they couldn't leave him alone. However it was impossible, he never settled and in the end my DD1 decided she wasn't just unsure of him she was terriefied. I told him I was sorry but we'd have to come up with a plan on what to do with dog as they wold not be able to bring him. Brother was cool and has since always made a plan for dog to be dog sat (!!!!!!!!!!! sweet jesus!!!!!!!!!!!!) while he is out of house for the afternoon visiting us.

YANBU

EightiesChick · 29/10/2008 13:02

Like other people, I simply can't believe that the dog is never left alone. You are also perfectly within your rights not to want to have the dog in the house, even without any other reason, and having a nervous cat is a very good reason. What I would do, is make the offer (as some other people have suggested) of allowing them to bring the dog BUT only if it stays in the garden or car at all times. This is perfectly reasonable - they could pop in and out to talk to or feed the dog, give it a walk at any time during the visit, or one of them could even sit there with the dog at all times! That way you have offered a compromise and they will have to look even more unreasonable if they say no. YANBU.

nailpolish · 29/10/2008 13:02

thursday is perfect ofr me

aGalChangedHerName · 29/10/2008 13:06

What do you want to do? I can come to you or you here? I could let our other friend know?

nailpolish · 29/10/2008 13:10

i will text you xxxx

aGalChangedHerName · 29/10/2008 13:10

Ok babe x

Winebeforepearls · 29/10/2008 13:12

It's funny because I love certain dogs but had ILs and dog to stay for 10 days over half term and almost had a breakdown. It was first of all the thickest dog of all time, and incontinent and untrained and constantly on the hunt for food.

By the time it'd run muddy circles round my clean kitchen floor, stolen a lump of cheese off the kitchen top and then sat outside and BARKED for fecking ages, I was as close to murder as I've ever been. So I'm afraid I broke the cardinal rule and began to discipline it myself, including shouting very loudly

On the other hand my parents' dogs are immaculately trained, do exactly as they're told and would never dream of taking food. I am looking forward to having them to stay while they're on holiday later this week.

I blame the parents .

Wispabarsareback · 29/10/2008 13:29

I just don't get the way some people treat their dogs as if they were human babies and won't leave them unattended, etc.

I have a friend who signs Xmas and birthday cards from the dog as well as the rest of the family - the dog's name comes after her name and DH's name, and before the DCs' names, 'because the dog was here first'. Am bemused by that!

Winebeforepearls · 29/10/2008 13:34

Wispa I have a friend who does that (altho not before her dcs), but he was definitely a substitute child while they were ttc (a loooong time) and he is gorgeous and very well behaved. So I forgive her.

onager · 29/10/2008 13:35

YANBU. I'm curious about this recommended maximum time people can leave a dog alone. Surely there are 1000s of people who go to work and leave them all day. I can't imagine what else they could do.

nailpolish · 29/10/2008 13:38

my friend sends her dog to 'doggy day care'

yep,thasts what its called

or rather, the day care come to collect the dog

im not kidding!

babyinbelly · 29/10/2008 13:49

My mum is the same. I have 2 dogs a small child and a tiny house and she wants me to look after her 2 very big dogs in my house and go to her house every day to feed the cats. She doesn't like it but finally accepted that I could not live with 4 dogs for 2 weeks and I could not sleep at her house because of said small child so the dogs would have to be ALONE overnight! Heaven forbid. They sleep on their own anyway so why would it make a difference if I slept there or not?!

OP you are not being unreasonable. I allow my mum to bring her dogs to visit but they have to conform to my dogs rules. Stay in the garden or if its raining the kitchen. She does not like this and hates it when I tell her dogs of for barking/scratching the door.

onager · 29/10/2008 13:50

Thanks

Now I have this image of dog nursary with nappies etc educational toys, lots of lessons in sharing. I think the Koreans have the right idea about dogs

ohdearwhatamess · 29/10/2008 13:54

I would never take my dog somewhere unless he was specifically invited. At the same time I wouldn't leave him home alone for more than about 4 hours (up to 6 in an absolute emergency).

We either have to put him into kennels or take him with us and keep him in the car.

A good friend of mine runs a fantastic dog day care place - far, far better than the equivalents for children! The dogs have such a great time they don't want to leave.

scaryfucker · 29/10/2008 14:00

onager, thats a step too far

my IL's once had a birthday party for their dog, complete with "invitations" to other dogs and various doggy "treats"

I am not kidding

they allow theirs to take food off their plate, push them off the sofa and don't bat an eyelid when it pisses on their carpets (they have a patterned carpet, so it doesn't "show"-thats a whole different thread!)

they also sign family cards with the dogs name

I might get slated for this, but my dog spends 2-3 days a week in the house on its own for up to 8 hrs. But it also gets walked every day, rain or shine, and spends its whole weekend in the countryside, going on 7 mile treks etc. It rests up during the week, just sleeps all day and has a (welcome) respite fom our busy household.

Dogs don't need minding or entertaining every bloody hour of the day.

moosemama · 29/10/2008 14:24

We have three dogs, so obviously would never dream of taking them with us when we visit other people.

If we are travelling any distance, we usually take them with us in the car and walk them on the way there so they are tired. They are then happy to sleep most of the time we are visiting and we usually find a opportune moment for one of us to take them for a short walk local to whoever we are visiting. If its too hot to leave them in the car we leave them at home and make the visit shorter.

As a dog owner I feel it is my responsibility to take care of the welfare of my dogs whilst not allowing them to impact negatively on anyone else's life. It is never acceptable to take your dog into someone's house unless the dog is specifically invited, this is just part and parcel of responsible dog ownership.

Your Bil may love his dog, but it is just that, a dog and it is a fact of life that not everyone likes them or wants to be around them. Your house, your cat, your rules.

You are most definitely not being unreasonable.

expatinscotland · 29/10/2008 14:25

'my friend sends her dog to 'doggy day care'

yep,thasts what its called

or rather, the day care come to collect the dog

im not kidding! '

i went out - a few times - with a bloke who took his lab to a daycare, too.

i knew his ex-girlfriend, who'd left him for another guy (who happened to be this mega hot joiner we all lusted after ) and i used to wonder why.

it didn't take long to find out.

he was a fucking mentalist.

JuxBackFromTheDead · 29/10/2008 14:57

Our house is a dog-free zone too. We have three cats and I think two of them would probably be OK with a dog, but the old lady wouldn't be and I wouldn't subject her to it. DH hates dogs anyway. People can bring their dogs but they get tied up outside.

expatinscotland · 29/10/2008 15:02

you do get folks who continually try it on.

like the ILs.

get it through your heads, 'no dogs in our home!'

thing about it, too, is that their daughter was staying in their house when they came up here!

and they still brought their damn dogs.

ilovemydog · 29/10/2008 15:08

My bil and sil have a psycho dog. Keeps nipping the socks and hats off the kids. so, I don't take the kids there. And I don't invite them around. They 'tell off' the dog, but amazing how insincere it sounds. Hollow I think is the word.

Sad, but some people who don't have kids have dogs who are their surrogate kids and take it as a personal insult if you don't love their animal as much as they do.

I love my dog, but he is very well behaved...

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