To detest other mums who only want a friendship based around the kids?

[needsomeonetotalkto]

I'm talking about mums who only want to meet in the week when their DH are at work so that they have something to do with their kids. They don't want to meet at the weekends or god forbid without their srogs as that when they see their real friends.

I think maybe you need to lower your expectations about strong friendships, and take them where you find them.

I tend to think the same way as I used to at work. I have some very good 'work friends' who I've known for many years. We are very close and would count them as my real friends but we very rarely see eachother outside of the office and our husbands have never met (maybe at our wedding).

I also have lots of other colleagues that I enjoy spending time with in the office, have a good time with but arguably have nothing in common with them and we would never have become friends had we not happened to be in the same office.

However I do get pissed off with my childless friends who have such busy and demanding social lives they never have time for us any more on a Saturday night

I see your point, very much, actually.

If I like someone that I know through the school or suchlike, I suggest going out for a drink. If they said 'oh no, I never go out without my husband, my evenings are Family Time' I'd be well put off them.

(In reality, they usually look at me with absolute longing to get out of the house and into the pub. This may, of course, say more about me and the people I'm drawn to than anything else.)

RIGHT that's IT pointy, I am striking you OFF my list of imaginary friends.

I rarely do whole-family meet-ups, for the simple reason that I usually have a better time if I'm just seeing my friend/s than if I'm trying to engineer a friendship between my partner and someone else's.

Thanks for all the opiions! I will defintley be rethinking my friendship expectations. But still feel i ANBU to dislike playdate vampires.LOL.

Do you lot spend your entire weekends with your families? Never nipping out for a pleasant drunken girly lunch? Or an evening moaning about Blokes with your old mates over a DVD and too many chocolate brownies? Or seeing friends you know your partner wouldn't get on with?

You see, this is why I do tend to feel MN isn't quite for me these days...ah, I see Pol agrees with me.

I like meeting people. I like meeting up with women friends. And I love wonk .

I have met some women through kids that I just don't get on with. Some woemn have met me and they don't get on with me. I can be a reet pain in the arse. Occasionally, I have felt rejected and I have probably made someone else feel the same way. No one was trying to hurt anyone else.

My dh hates family meet-ups with a family he does not know. I wouldn't make him do it. We have our own friends and we have a few joint friends.

Motherinferior, TBH I do spend the whole weekend with my family because I want to - we're all different! I had a friend who wanted to meet up with just mums and kids at the weekend but i want to be with DH.

I have no idea if you are being unreasonable or not s i dont have any friends.

I thought talkto was mainly talking about family meet-ups. Am I mistaken?

are you alluding to fact you dont just want to be mummy and engage in mammy talk.dont we all

has someone been mean to you?

indeed friendship manifest on many levels inc one's children and friendships without one's children

do you work needsomeonetotalkto or are these mums your main contacts?

thing about weekend is it is when most other mums dp is around wo understandably folk do family couple stuff.

but yes i do try see friends without lo.i am not just mum.

ah, I was on the right lines, then? You want to be with dh and with other people at weekends, talkto?

Depends if you mean friendship or circumstance based acquaintance....there is a place for both if you have the time or inclination.
I had neither...mostly because I was stressing over my pfb and didn't need to be surrounded by loads of other nct mums doing the same

Horses for courses I guess

I don't "detest" them but I do find them odd and amusing. The ones I have in mind also come under the heading of suffering from CMS (competitive mummy syndrome).

For example, I know of a couple of aquaintances in mind that fall into that catagory: A few months ago, my daughter, my son and I attended a coffee morning. Another mother said, "there's Mrs X with her little girl Y". My daughter said, "oh goodie. I love Y". To which the mother replied, "but you don't know Y". I added, "I think my daughter means Y Z". In other words, child with same forname but different surname.

The mother paused and said, "oh I don't know who that is." I was gobsmacked and stood there with my mouth open like a goldfish!

Why? Because before the said child and family had moved to another area, that particular mother and child's family were all but living in each other's homes! Yet, 1 year on from the date in which the child's family had moved out, this mother had totally wiped them out from her memory. She might as well have never met them! Indeed, she claimed she never met them nor knew anything about them and even said to me, "I really don't know who you're talking about".

There's a Yorkshire saying, "there's nowt so queer as folk." Indeed.

scottishmummy

Yes I have had a couple a bad experiences with playdate vampire (once bitten....)

As I said I do need to rethink the whole weekend thing!

The only opportunity I have to meet friend is through my kids as I am a SAHM and have only lived in this area for a few years. Prehaps I need a hobby?LOL.

I think there is room for many kinds and degrees of friendship. So there is a place for folk with kids who you only see on weekdays, if that happens to suit both of you.

Obviously it is a great to spend regular family time, but I would not consider somebody to be a close friend who insisted on only seing her family at weekends / evenings as a point of principle.

So the weekday playdate folk are quite far down the friendship tree, but could occupy a lower branch if convenient. They ain't never gonna be your best friend, they are making that crystal clear.

lordy yes there are some BiscuitArseCompetetiveMamas.best ignored,but yes they can irk

long lunches work best for meeting up with folk (as we all need to eat) it can be time limited and not too much imposition

ah, I wouldn't say no, wonks

I think with any kind of friendship, the only real point of it is to enjoy it. So if you are not enjoying your friendships with these mums then just don't bother. If on the other hand, they are fun / convenient / better than being on your own with the dcs in the week, then surely you are getting something out of them?

I reckon I'd fall into the category of these women you despise - my weekends are pretty busy and I don't really want to fill them with seeing my "mum" friends tbh.

I love seeing friends in the week but DH and children take priority at weekends. That's just the way it is.

yes, I do see your point. I don't detest them but I sort of file them together. I don't think of them as my real friends. We are quite social and often see friends at the weekend, individually or as a family. It is important to us. We make a lot of time for that, dh and I.

I ahem frequently escape my fellow beloved inmates of the Inferiority Complex at the weekend. I think separate friendships are terribly important. And also I'm quite pathologically sociable, whereas DP isn't.

"I don't think of them as my real friends."

And this is my point.

Sorry, I don't quite get this. I thought, from your OP, that you wanted to see people without your kids; but you're also saying that you want to spend all weekend with your kids and your partner?

I want to spend all weekend with my DH and kids but also SOMETIMES with other families. I also like to meet up with other mums without our kids - evenings/when my two are at school and nursery.