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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that THIS is bad parenting

158 replies

NannyNanny · 25/10/2008 16:30

A friend of mine leaves her 3 year old DS to watch T.V by himself in the morning until she can be bothered to get up. He can watch T.V for up to 3 hours before gets her lazy bum out of bed.

OP posts:
Ronaldinhio · 25/10/2008 22:54

Darling, as ever I'm calm, whatever made you think otherwise?

Are you ok????

However you weren't just stating your opinion you were trying to contain everyone else's opinion into your own frame of reference
You were judging and trying to force home your point of view on anyone not agreeing. Something I understand but didn't want to play along with

mooog · 25/10/2008 23:01

Blossom No i was not refering to you.
Ronald No you are absolutely wrong, again.
but never mind eh
You will obviously think what you will
So goodnight to you and farewell

Original poster
NannyNanny · 25/10/2008 23:03

After reading everyones post and I mean every post, all I can do is apologise. What I wrote was bitchy, judgmental and unfriendly. There have been some very valid points made and I have taken them all on board. I have no right to judge but neither do any of you.
What we all have an obligation to do however, is care for the more vulnerable people in our society. No matter how it came across, I do very much care for this boy and have made many attempts to speak to his mum. The original post was presented in a stupid and ignorant manner. I am very sorry for that.

OP posts:
blossomsmine · 25/10/2008 23:03

Jeez, think i got in the way there didn't I?? Sorry

lulabellarama · 25/10/2008 23:04

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

pudding25 · 25/10/2008 23:05

YANBU I can't believe you are getting slated for this. If it was just the odd occasion, or just at the weekends, then ok, why not (but don't leave your tobacco out) but if it is every day, then it is not on.
The OP has said that the 3 yr old sleeps through the night every night. No 3 yr old should be left on their own for 3hrs to watch tv every day.

Original poster
NannyNanny · 25/10/2008 23:08

I am not condoning the behaviour but I regret the manner in which I presented it. I have well and truly gotten off my high horse. In fact, I have fallen with a bit of a bump.

OP posts:
mooog · 25/10/2008 23:09

Blossom No need to apologise, I totally agree with you about helping out friends and i just cant see how it can be seen as ok to leave ds on own for so long. Not judging anybody just trying to point out how dangerous it can be.

QueenFee · 25/10/2008 23:37

I am not a morning person but my ds (2) is. He is up at 5 every day and is also up in the night. We have trained him to sit watching videos until DD wakes at about 7.30. However I go to him if he calls for me and I feed him porridge myself. However I can totally understand why someone would do this. When ds was small he woke 8 times a night a screamed each time for ages. No matter how early i went to bed I was still unable to get up.
The best thing a friend could do in this circumstance is to talk to the mum offer her moral support not critism and if it bothers you so much offer to babysit!

Romy7 · 26/10/2008 00:24

nannynanny - if this is the same 3 yo that has a drooling problem, and the one with speech and language delay/ runner etc, that you have been referring to over the past week, can i suggest that his mother probably needs your support, rather than criticism. you obviously have very little experience with sn of any description, and she actually sounds quite depressed by having to deal with it 24/7. she could probably do with a friend whilst she comes to terms with her son's problems and sorts out in her own head the right way forward.

nappyaddict · 26/10/2008 01:27

queenfee- does your ds go downstairs or does he watch them in his room?

Skramble · 26/10/2008 01:34

Not for 3 hours (well perhaps on a sunday), but mine were trained from and early age to put on tv themselves and amuse them selves.

Vital if they are an early riser. But requires mummy ears, trained to sleep soundly through normal noise but prick up if anything out of the ordinary going down . Not sure if I did this as early as 3 yrs though.

Skramble · 26/10/2008 01:36

Ok I probably did .

Ds now 11 yrs gets himself up in the morning, gets breakfast and then goes on PC before I surface, he gets bus quite early to school, he enjoys the independence and peace, rather than me clattering about all grumpy.

cory · 26/10/2008 08:57

If a child started a fire, I'd think the neglect consisted not in not getting up with them the first minute they stirred, but in not keeping matches, cigarette lighters etc under lock and key. If fire-making materials are available it wouldn't take more than 2 minutes- don't tell me you've never left a 3yo alone for 2 minutes while you went to the loo, had a shower, checked the oven, answered the phone etc.

If the house is not toddler-proofed there is no guarantee that your adventurous toddler won't go exploring at 3 a.m.- and don't tell me every mother should stay awake round the clock, because we'd all be dead.

However. my feeling is that Nanny may be talking about the same child as in previous threads, and that there are actually some genuine concerns about this child and the way he is being parented.

So I don't think those of us who are at the thought of a lie-in are necessarily barking up the right tree.

Original poster
NannyNanny · 26/10/2008 09:06

I have retracted my previous statement if you read above. I was very pissed off yesterday with this lady and that is why I posted this post. I have come off my high horse now, well and truly. It was an unfair to present it in this section. I am actually really interested in all these responses, and it is quite surprising to see the many different points of view. Thank you all for your responses.

OP posts:
Romy7 · 26/10/2008 09:28

i do understand that - really just meant to underline that it was a little unwise to present the situation as a typical NT family and then embellish down-route with added extras, however pissed off you were with his mother . either the boy is NT and sleeps like a dream and his mother is a slattern (chat version), or he has considerable issues with his development which are potentially affecting his whole family (sn board), or any of the categories in between. those of us that deal with sn on a 24/7 basis get more than a little tetchy when people with no experience get 'pissed off' with us, particularly when you are given support and advice on one board and then post half a story in chat for a reaction. i'm in no way condoning or criticising your 'friend's' parenting, as i don't have enough (unconflicting) information to do so. only you can decide what your 'friendship' means and offer her enough support to actually get a true representation of the circumstances and how you can get her to seek professional help... hope you can do that now you aren't so 'pissed off'.

Original poster
NannyNanny · 26/10/2008 09:39

I guess everyone has different reactions to dealing with different situations. Pissed off yesterday as I offered my help and it was completely ignored. Maybe because of denial etc. I don't know.
IABU - I'll say it myself. I guess I just needed this pointed out. Still so angry and frustrated at the situation however. Also, I didn't know what the general consensus, if there is one at all, on leaving children in the morning.

OP posts:
TotalChaos · 26/10/2008 09:43

if he's an impetuous runner then I doubt she would be able to do the leaving alone for hours in the morning thing on a regular basis anyway.Agree with Romy's posts.

Romy7 · 26/10/2008 09:47

that's the thing about this parenting lark - what is 'right' for one family may not be right for another - hence the variety of opinion on the subject. we all have to make our own decisions and hope that depression etc doesn't cloud our judgement.

QueenFee · 27/10/2008 14:21

Nappy addict - He is downstairs - If he was in his room he would wake DD who is then grumpy all day for teachers hardly fair to them imho he is strapped in his buggy however and the door is open so I can hear him.

Gateau · 27/10/2008 15:21

So you'll be the perfect mother then nannynanny??!

soultaken · 27/10/2008 16:22

Wheres the father then? Surely both parents don't stay in bed till 10.30 every single day? They must have jobs to go to?

NosyAmerican · 27/10/2008 16:23

I don't think YABU. A three year old left to his own devices for three hours is ridiculous.

MrsMattie · 27/10/2008 16:23

Wish my son did this occasionally!

pingping · 27/10/2008 16:31

How do you know all this Information NannyNanny

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