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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask my Mum to miss my nephew's birthday party so she can look after my dd while I have a hangover?

138 replies

Sushipaws · 20/10/2008 18:03

It's my 30th Birthday in 3 weeks and my Mum was meant to come down and look after my 19mo dd so dh and I could go out and get a bit drunk. She was meant to stay at my house and dh and I were to get a hotel and get back about dd's dinner time, so we could have hangover's in peace. I've had one night out with dh since my dd was born and that was only for about 3 hours in the evening. I've had a couple of nights out without dh since dd was born and I find having a hangover around my dd really hard.

The thing is, my Mum lives about 3 hours drive away and she's told me she'll have to leave early the day after my birthday to get home for my nephew's birthday party. My nephew is going to be 6 and he has to have his party on the Saturday because he's going to his Dad's on the Sunday.

My sister lives near both my parents and relies heavily on them. She has mental and physical health issues so allot of the time I have to change my plans to suit her. I always bow down to what she wants because I know things are hard for her.

I have asked my Mum to miss my nephew's birthday party so she can look after my dd while I have a hangover. It sounds to me like I'm being unreasonable, but I never ask my parents for anything, I never ask my sister for anything and I do many many things for them. My Dad will go to nephew's party, he wouldn't be able to go if my Mum was going (they don't speak).

I know my sister is going to have a fit.

AIBU??????

OP posts:
UniversallyChallenged · 20/10/2008 21:55

Your sister sounds like she has your mum on a string. Must be very frustrating for you.

Creaking door gets the most oil and all that

SixSpotBonfire · 20/10/2008 21:57

I'm aligning myself with Scummy, ScottishMummy, MorningTownRide etc here. Of course you should get bollocksed on your 30th.

hatwoman · 20/10/2008 22:49

yanbu - like others have said you had a lovely and imo entirely normal arrangement and your sister's scuppered it/your mum has given your sister some form of priority. I think your post/op was honest, and if it hadn;t said the stuff about a hangover but said something soft about having a day of peace with your dh walking in a hotel garden and having a lovely lunch by a roaring fire that you'd been looking forward to for yonks you'd have got a different response. I have no advice - but I think you should probably have a frank and honest talk with your mum - but mainly I wanted to support you and say yanbu.

mumeeee · 20/10/2008 23:05

YABU.You don't need to get drunk to enjoy yourself. She is comimg down to look after your child so you can go out. You should eiher come home after your night out or get back early the next day.

ilookbetterwithdrink · 20/10/2008 23:09

its not unreasonable to want to enjoy your birthday. It is unreasonable to expect your mum to miss her grandson's birthday simply so you get to sleep in.

J2O · 20/10/2008 23:31

I don't think you are being unreasonable, couple of suggestions, may have already been suggested but only skimmed the thread.

-drive down and use a hotel in your home town, then either get dc back before party or your mum take dc with her?

-drive and meet your mum half way to drop dc off, you do what you're doing then the next day meet again half way...not sure if your dc is invited to the party or what time the party is so obviously depends on them factors.

-or at the worst, do everything that you're going to do, night out, hotel room, then just go homeearly and let dh deal with dc while you go back to bed

pingping · 21/10/2008 10:16

Yabu and taking the piss. Why can't your Mum have your DD at hers and take DD to the party???

idobelieveinghosts · 21/10/2008 10:34

YANBU

FfreckleFface · 21/10/2008 11:30

Good grief!I thought this was Mumsnet, not the Temperance Society.
YANBU. At all. It is your 30th! I think your mistake on here was saying that you wanted the day to 'have a hangover' - what you should have said, to avoid all the sanctimonious Judgy McHolierthanthous populating this thread, is that you anted the next day to spend some quality time with your DH.

And as for all the 'I can't believe that people would want to drink until they have a hangover' posters - some people like to do this. It can be fun. I'm sure that you enjoy pastimes that I wouldn't class as fun, but live and let live. It sounds as thought the issue is between the OP and her sister. If the OP's mother spends that much time with her other grandson anyway, then surely she could arrange a birthday tea for him on another day. Sushipaws' night out sounds like an extremely rare occurence, which I personally think should take precedence.

Sushipaws, I'm sorry that this isn't going to work out as you planned. I'm still breastfeeding, and had a hellish Sunday a few weeks ago...some friends came around to stay the night. We hadn't seen them for a while...much wine, merriment and tequila...everyone else went to bed at about three, while I had to pump and dump,before getting up at half seven to feed the baby. (Braces self for condemnation from the Temperance Brigade...)

I hope that you have a great birthday.

Prufrock · 21/10/2008 11:47

I think you are being very reasonable and far too nice to your sister to give in to her ridiculous demands again. And I think that YANBU to be pissed off that once again she gets her own way because she emotionally guilt-trips you and your mum by involving your nephew.

However, I do think you are being slightly unreasonable by thinking that your mum is the only person who can look after your dd. I have limited family support, so have had to resort to paid babysitters, and have managed to find a lovely man who used to work at ds's nursery and is happy to do overnight babysitting - I quite often have to go to London to entertain with dh and we stay in a nice hotel, have a nice breakfast and get the train back, reading papers and drinking coffee. We arrive home around 12 to children that have been dressed, breakfasted and played with outside to wear them out , order a takeaway and settle down to watch a film.
If you don't have reliable family support you just have to be a bit more inventive and a little less precious (meant in the nicest way) about who you will leave your kids with if you still want to have wild nights out.

lizziemun · 21/10/2008 11:51

YANBU

But I do think that your parents need to explain that they also have a relationship with you and your family and set bounderies with your sister. Just because she has mental health issues does not mean she can dictate how the rest of the family behave.

I don't drink myself but nothing in your plan for the evening (My big plan was to go out for dinner with dh, dd, mum, stepdad and a few friends. Then parents would take dd home, I would have a few cocktails and maybe even..........go.....to.....a nightclub shock There may even have been some..................dancing. Then dh and I would have stayed in a hotel, had a day together the next day then spent the evening with parents, the next day they would drive home.) sounds wrong.

BottySpottom · 21/03/2009 22:01

What a pious lot you are. It's her 30th for goodness sake, and she hasn't been out for nearly 2 years. Give her a break. I would try Sitters too - we just have and they were great.

2shoes · 21/03/2009 22:04

look at the date of the thread dear

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