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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask my Mum to miss my nephew's birthday party so she can look after my dd while I have a hangover?

138 replies

Sushipaws · 20/10/2008 18:03

It's my 30th Birthday in 3 weeks and my Mum was meant to come down and look after my 19mo dd so dh and I could go out and get a bit drunk. She was meant to stay at my house and dh and I were to get a hotel and get back about dd's dinner time, so we could have hangover's in peace. I've had one night out with dh since my dd was born and that was only for about 3 hours in the evening. I've had a couple of nights out without dh since dd was born and I find having a hangover around my dd really hard.

The thing is, my Mum lives about 3 hours drive away and she's told me she'll have to leave early the day after my birthday to get home for my nephew's birthday party. My nephew is going to be 6 and he has to have his party on the Saturday because he's going to his Dad's on the Sunday.

My sister lives near both my parents and relies heavily on them. She has mental and physical health issues so allot of the time I have to change my plans to suit her. I always bow down to what she wants because I know things are hard for her.

I have asked my Mum to miss my nephew's birthday party so she can look after my dd while I have a hangover. It sounds to me like I'm being unreasonable, but I never ask my parents for anything, I never ask my sister for anything and I do many many things for them. My Dad will go to nephew's party, he wouldn't be able to go if my Mum was going (they don't speak).

I know my sister is going to have a fit.

AIBU??????

OP posts:
Guadalupe · 20/10/2008 18:20

Blimey, I wish I had a babysitter for the hangover as well as the night out but having said that, surely it is a deterrant? I mean, you don't have to drink so much that you can't move the next day or make a sandwich and sing wheels on the bus with your dd while lying on the sofa do you.

Guadalupe · 20/10/2008 18:21

Oh yes, just seen compo's idea. Very good!

soultaken · 20/10/2008 18:22

Aaahaaaaa Compo I've just found a fatal flaw in your cunning plan.

OP and her husband can't do the 3 hour drive to pick up their dd because they will still be over the legal drink/driving limit.

See, not so clever now are ya?

ScummyMummy · 20/10/2008 18:22

But do most 6 yeasr olds desperately want their Nana at their party, necessarily? My sons adore their nana- and quite rightly she is a superstar- but they wouldn't expect her to attend their b-day party or be upset to see her within the next few days instead. Far from it. Unless the nephew or the nana are gonna cry I don't see any problem with sushipaws getting ratarsed for her 30th and then getting a lie in as an extra special treat.

soultaken · 20/10/2008 18:26

To the OP though - YABU - I laughed when I saw that not only did you want a babysitter for your night out, you also want one for your hangover.

Next time I get my mum to babysit I'm gonna demand she babysits for the hangover too.

lisad123 · 20/10/2008 18:29

YABVU!!

Dont drink so much you feel like crap, why would you want too??

Ask your mum to take your DD to nephews bday party and you go to bday party and colelct DD from there.

pigleto · 20/10/2008 18:29

I imagine that the sister could do with a little help with the party if she is not well.

Original poster
Sushipaws · 20/10/2008 18:29

Compo, I did think of dropping her off with my Mum but it's a 6 hour round trip and I think I'd rather take the hangover with my dd. It would be a good plan if we lived closer.

My nephew's party was originally scheduled for the Sunday and then he'd go to his Dad's after. But my sister has changed the plans.

I know it's not his fault and he shouldn't be deprived of his Nana at his party. The issue is with my sister who is very jealous of me and always tries to get my Mum away from me. I see my Mum every couple of months and if we tell my sister she says she or her ds is ill and my Mum has to drop everything and look after her. I know she's ill though and I usually just let it happen.

I'm not the unhinged one, I love being a Mum and I don't think it's mad to want a wild night out on a special birthday. My Mum is the only person who could babysit and she lives quite far away, none of my good friends have kids so I don't get any help. I don't expect sympathy or anything, I know I'm lucky to have my Mum. I just don't want people to think I get tons of help and I'm ungrateful.

I'll tell my Mum to just go to my nephew's birthday and I'll have my night out another time. Maybe I'll have New Year, my Mum hates New Year anyway and I'm sure she'd be happy to babysit then.

OP posts:
ScummyMummy · 20/10/2008 18:29

People- it's sushipaws' 30th!!!!!!!! She's entitled to a night of alcoholism and hedonistic pleasure followed by a morning of lying queasily abed, surely? You all sound very po-faced, imo. This is a special occasion and it's the time to party if ever there was one.

spicemonster · 20/10/2008 18:32

You're not going to your nephew's birthday party because you have a hangover?

Lemontart · 20/10/2008 18:32

I keep typing stuff in reply to this and then deleting it as it is seems a bit harsh and judgemental. However, seeing as you asked the question - yes, I think YABU.

I also wonder that if this is a genuinely asked question, are your defensive arguments to try and justify your selfishness really about a certain amount of resentment towards your sister and your mum supporting her more than you? You might feel that it is about time you were put first, but this is not about your sister, it is about a 6 yr old child.

ScummyMummy · 20/10/2008 18:33

Could dd go and stay with your dh's folks instead?

traceybath · 20/10/2008 18:33

Can't you just do it the weekend before or after?

Original poster
Sushipaws · 20/10/2008 18:33

Thanks ScummyMummy

I might point out, I've not been invited to my Nephew's party.

OP posts:
soultaken · 20/10/2008 18:34

Sushipaws it sounds like the issue is with your sister. The problem with having your night out another time is that your sister might do the same thing again.

My SIL is very very similar to your sis. There's no need for it is there?

Just laze on the sofa with your hangover the next day so your mum can get off to the party.

Lemontart · 20/10/2008 18:34

ah crossed posts sushipaws - just read your second post. Glad you realise it is not his fault in all this. I hope you find a better time to go out and party - New Year sounds a good plan Hope she can stay long enough for you to enjoy time with her too

Original poster
Sushipaws · 20/10/2008 18:35

LemonTart, your probably right, I do resent my sister a bit, but I have to try and understand she does have mental health issues and thats not her fault.

OP posts:
LilRedWGoreandguts · 20/10/2008 18:35

Errr - it's a six hour round trip which you are not prepared to undertake but are quite happy for your Mum to. . The word selfish leaps to mind here.

chequersandchess · 20/10/2008 18:35

I was 9 months preggers on my 30th birthday and didn't touch a drop.

We were also on a really strict budget and went to the local harvester to celebrate.

Count yourself lucky.

spicemonster · 20/10/2008 18:35

I don't think it's wrong to want a Big Night Out. But I think you could probably cope with doing the next day thing. Okay, it won't be much fun but it's doable. I think if you don't go out, you're going to be really resentful. Why don't you have another night out on NYE?

FourArms · 20/10/2008 18:35

Could you stay in a hotel near your mum? Then she can have your DD at her house, you get the lie-in, and she'll still get to the party in time. In fact, you'll be able to go too.

Or could your dad babysit for you instead of your mum?

My DS1 would love his nanna to come to his party, and would be upset if she lived nearby, presumed/was told she was coming, then found out that she wasn't.

bellabelly · 20/10/2008 18:39

Get yourself in training now by gradually upping your alcohol intake by half a glass of wine per night. By the time your birthday comes, you will be v used to having a slight hangover and it won't seem such a big deal.

wheresthehamster · 20/10/2008 18:40

Blimey, agree with Lil, she's got to do the 6 hour round trip but you wouldn't??

soultaken · 20/10/2008 18:59

no the OPs mother does a 3 hour drive one day sleeps over and a 3 hour drive the following day. Not the same as a 6 hour trip in one day.

PenelopePitstops · 20/10/2008 19:05

YABU and slightly odd