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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Auction of promises

137 replies

SqueakyPop · 19/10/2008 19:33

Back in Jan/Feb, my DDs' primary school had an auction of promises.

I offered up 3 x1 hr sessions of GCSE or Sats Science revision. The auction was won by someone with a child in Yr 4. When she first contacted me, I offered to tag her son along with my Brownies as they were doing their Science Investigator badge. I thought this was quite charitible given that what she won was quite inappropriate.

Anyway, tonight, she actually phoned me (no idea where she got my number from), insisting that I do these three sessions with her DS. I asked how much she paid, and she said £15. I said that I would have been willing to do what I offered (ie GCSE revision) but not putting on 3 lots of entertainment for her 9 year old for £15. My time was much more valuable than that.

DH disagrees and says I should entertain her boy for 3 Saturday mornings regardless, but I have written her a cheque for £15, and will write another to school for £85, given that I considered my donation to be £100.

What does Mumsnet think?

OP posts:

Mandelbrot · 19/10/2008 20:41

Chemistry. A subject known for its hilarity. But then I had one of those teachers at school who would occasionally blast off his eyebrows with an ill-advised 'What not to do' demonstration. That was farking hysterical.

Back to the auction.

If you offered GSCE level revision, YANBU for refusing to do this with an 8 year old. If you offered SAT revision and didn't state KS, then you are obliged to go through with it. If she turns down a second compromise, stuff her. Doing experiments takes bloody forever to set up and clear away the bomb damage, so sod that.

I think you need to establish via the school exactly what you offered.

FAQ · 19/10/2008 20:42

how is she sounding dishonourable when the winning bidder is asking for something different to what was "promised"???

Twiglett · 19/10/2008 20:42

yes I agree for the future but what are you going to do now Squeaky?

I assume that you didn't specify with the SATs revision on your initial offer did you?

Giving back the money will really be seen as quite churlish .. I'd avoid like the plague if you could possibly steel yourself to.

loobeylou · 19/10/2008 20:46

I wonder what kind of headcase parent this is who BOUGHT the damn tuition for her child of the wrong age.And now is being a pushy PITA over what she expects it to be instead.

Poor OP I feel for you. You tried to offer something of genuine value to benefit someones child and the school, and you have got a big fat mess on your hands through no fault of your own

what kind of activities does she expect you to do that she could not do from her own kitchen with a very basic kids science book or google search - is she expecting full on secondary school level experiments, has she no idea about the safety regs?

I think you need to approach the Headteacher to mediate. If you had had to pull out because of, for example, illness or bereavemnt, then your refund would be all that was expected.

she should not have bought something she did not need.

LadyOfRoffle · 19/10/2008 20:48

Surely you can think of something age appropriate to teach the kid instead? It's not putting you out anymore than 3 hours of GCSE revision would have...

mumto2andnomore · 19/10/2008 20:49

I think you should honour your promise and give him 3 hours of science. If you already have things prepared for the brownies just do that. If you give the money back I think you will look really foolish/snooty and will regret it in the long run.

LadyOfRoffle · 19/10/2008 20:49

Then again I don't know what yr 4s do in Science!

angrypixie · 19/10/2008 20:50

I don't think the parent is a 'headcase' I think she thought she was buying KS2 SATs revision (it was offered in a primary school auction) That could be appropriate for a y4 child.

If the mistake was yours in not wording the prize clearly then I really think you should provide KS2 revision.

choccyp1g · 19/10/2008 20:50

Just re-read the OP, and wonder did the purchaser think she was getting "Saturday Science", like some whizz-bang kids club?

Original poster

SqueakyPop · 19/10/2008 20:51

My promise wasn't to do practical work with y4/5 children though.

I don't often worry about insurance, but I think that outwith of school and guides, that I wouldn't have a leg to stand on.

OP posts:

angrypixie · 19/10/2008 20:53

It doesn't have to be practical work - just revision of the y3/4 curriculum, that would count as KS2 SATs revision.

Must stop getting so uptight about it or you'll all think I am the lucky parent who won this at auction

Mandelbrot · 19/10/2008 20:55

LadyOfRoffle and mumto2etc - 3 hour long revision sessions take a total of 3 hours. To recreate Brownie practical experiments (GADZOOKS! omg I am sooooo hoping the experiments are not on the poor Brownies) ie 3 x 1 hour practical session, will take waaaayyyy longer because of the planning, shopping and setting up. That's more than was originally offered. As I understand it.

But you need to establish exactly what was offered. GCSE tuition not outlandish for a primary school - plenty of children will have older siblings.

LadyOfRoffle · 19/10/2008 20:57

Can you do yr 4 level non practical? Or semi practical like drawings of cells or something... whatever yr 4s learn

Mandelbrot · 19/10/2008 20:57

Good point angrypixie - SP can liaise with the teacher perhaps, to go over what they're doing in class already.

YANBU about not doing practical work. You offered revision, tailor it to the age of the child and that's it.

Original poster

SqueakyPop · 19/10/2008 21:00

Thank you everyone. Opinions are divided 50-50, just like DH and me.

I have decided to refund the £15, for better or worse. I don't think I could seriously give a good service to the little boy under the circumstances, so refunding the mmoney means that they are not out of pocket.

I do feel a bit stung, but hope that it doesn't put me off in future. I do love what I do, and am happy to share when there is a worthy recipient.

Thank you for all your opinions. They have all been really helpful, especially those that have not agreed with where I am.

OP posts:

Original poster

SqueakyPop · 19/10/2008 21:00

Thank you everyone. Opinions are divided 50-50, just like DH and me.

I do feel a bit stung, but hope that it doesn't put me off in future. I do love what I do, and am happy to share when there is a worthy recipient.

Thank you for all your opinions. They have all been really helpful, especially those that have not agreed with where I am.

OP posts:

Mandelbrot · 19/10/2008 21:02

If you do something similar again, word your offer very carefully and keep a copy of the offer somewhere.

Good luck with the refund - hope she's ok with it.

cupchar · 19/10/2008 21:02

sp - yanbu. She rang you up and asked for something different to what she'd paid for!!

Twiglett · 19/10/2008 21:06

well I wish you luck with your decision though surprised you feel its 50:50 on here ..

KatieDD · 19/10/2008 21:08

I'd give him GCSE revision, see if he can remember it in 7 years time.

Saturn74 · 19/10/2008 21:16

I think you are making a big drama out of something that is easily solved, tbh.

I'm not a teacher, or a scientist; but I could blag three sessions with a 9 year old just by googling appropriate experiments.

Buy a bulk order of bicarbonate of soda, and have some fun!

I think you should just suck it up (the tuition, not the bicarb ), if only to stop the debacle being the talk of the school playground.

I also don't understand why you say your time is more valuable than £15 - you donated your time, so it is churlish to then claim that the winning bidder didn't pay enough.

LadyOfRoffle · 19/10/2008 21:17

It's not the kids fault, no point 'punishing' him with something you know he won't understand. As I said, if it was me i'd just do yr 4 revision. Draw some cells with different coloured felt tips etc., am sure a yr 4 would like that. Or an experiment about disolving - that's pretty risk free. If I thought there could be an area of grey with regards to what was offered I would definalty do this.

LadyOfRoffle · 19/10/2008 21:18

The kid is probably really looking forward to it, I know I loved science. Maybe I am way too laid back!

tooscaredtothink · 19/10/2008 22:24

Obviously I am too late now you have made up your mind (although something tells me your mind wasn't up for changing!) - YABU.

I can't understand why you think this woman is taking advantage of you??? She paid money for an auction and won - regardless of how much she spent. If you choose not to honour it then that's up to you but I don't think you should be demonising her.

Would love to be a fly on the wall when teachers are discussing your decision.

Original poster

SqueakyPop · 20/10/2008 06:50

tooscared - she bid for something I wasn't offering.

It's as if I was offering a day's gardening and she asked me to do cleaning instead. Both would use my time that I offered, but unfortunately a different task.

It wasn't a slave auction where the winner calls the shots.

The offer was clear - exam revision. The mistake I made back in Jan/Feb was to offer an alternative - ie to have her DS come to my house while I trialed my Brownie experiments. She didn't reply to me until weeks later when the badge was finished. I was basically willing to accommodate him while I was doing something else, in lieu of exam work.

I am not now going to get equipment from school and devise something as a one off. I have better things to do with my time. 3 hours of contact means a lot more than that behind the scenes - not so if it were just exam revision, where the child would tell me their areas of weakness and we would go over them together using standard textbooks and the powerpoints I already have.

OP posts:

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