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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed at my friend for inviting a stranger to our girls night out?

77 replies

TheBightyMoosh · 17/10/2008 12:23

I genuinely can't work out if I'm over-reacting or i should just let it go - can you help me decide?

I've got a small group of girlfriends - we all worked together about 4 years ago, and have been pretty close ever since. We used to go out together about once a month, as well as meeting up individually in between. Recently we've not met up as often - I had my dd almost 9 months ago, and a couple are in new relationships, so it's been a while since we had a proper night out. We've got a date in the diary for next week, my bf is babysitting, and I really can't wait, as it's my first proper girls night out since dd was born. One of the group emailed yesterday to inform us that she had invited a friend of hers to 'our' night out. I am a bit upset as i was looking forward to a night out like old times - i'm not great with meeting new people, so i don't want any awkwardness on the night - so i was wondering if i should mention that i'm upset to my friend, or should I just leave it?

OP posts:
Carmenere · 17/10/2008 12:25

you might like her, she might be great fun, you might have a much better night because she is there.

Dropdeadfred · 17/10/2008 12:25

maybe this friend could really do with making some friends (or a nice night out)and your friend has told her how lovely you all are

things evolve nothing stays the same

purpleduck · 17/10/2008 12:31

Remember this in a few years when you are at the school gates, and no-one will make friends with YOU because they are already in the little groups.

Honestly, it costs you NOTHING to be kind to this woman, and it might make all the difference in the world to her.

auntyspan · 17/10/2008 12:33

I know what you mean, it's happened to me a few times, and it annoys me when other people are just invited without the friend making sure that's OK with everyone. TBH I think it's too late to change anything now, but maybe you can mention to your pal that it would've been nice to have been asked?

I'm sure you'll have a cracking night anyway

ditheringdora · 17/10/2008 12:34

I think this new girl is being invited along because she needs a night out,maybe she doesn't have a network of friends to lean on?
I betcha she'll be lovely, it will make everyone work a little harder to make sure you (plural) have a great night out.
have a lovely time!

freshprincess · 17/10/2008 12:35

She's probably more daunted about it than you - going out with a close group of friends when you only know one of them is scary.

kitbit · 17/10/2008 12:38

Be nice. Perhaps in the time in between she has become good friends with this girl and thinks she might fit in well with the rest of you. I'd take it as a compliment that she trusts you enough to be welcoming that she'll happily bring someone else along.

I do understand a bit how you feel, but treat it as an excuse to make a new friend. You can still laugh about "in" jokes (as long as you don't do it all night!) and share some old stories. If you do it in a way that is telling the new girl rather than just each other, you'll all have a good time.

SixSpotBonfire · 17/10/2008 12:41

I hope you are - only because I've done precisely this, for a gathering in a few weeks' time! I just find it difficult to keep up with all my friends - DH is always moaning about how many nights out I have anyway - so I thought I would combine two iyswim. Hope I haven't done the wrong thing!

greenday · 17/10/2008 12:41

I've felt like that before too so I know what you mean. But I always realise, once the night is over, that it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. And if I had made my feelings known, it would have left a sour taste for everyone and 'spoilt' the night and future nights out.
IMO, best to let it go. Agree with what the rest said, you might end up liking her and the friend's friend is probably more daunted than you are.

flowerybeanbag · 17/10/2008 12:44

I agree with everyone else about you might like her, she might need friends. However I do think the polite thing for your friend to do would have been to just say 'do you mind?' first. I would have, rather than just invite and then tell you. I would certainly expect my friends to be welcoming, but I would check with them first.

rebelmum1 · 17/10/2008 12:45

Definitely don't mention it. You'd sound a bit unfriendly and she probably doesn't see the gathering in the same way as you do. It will probably do you good to meet someone new. My friend did this to me recently, was meant to be us but she invited her sister and her 6 friends whom I didn't know, I had a great night but felt similarly hesitant at first. Just go with the flow.

monkeymonkeymonkey · 17/10/2008 12:45

I can understand a bit why you are upset, especially if you have been looking forward to it for a long time.
Your friends friend might be nice though?
I think there probably isnt any point in saying anything, as she is already invited. She might be a new friend for you, and if your friend has gone to the bother if inviting this person she must think that she would fit in with your group.

scaredoflove · 17/10/2008 12:48

How precious

You are an adult, not in high school

Katw3kitts · 17/10/2008 12:50

I think YAB a bit U !

I read from your post that you've not been out for 9 months ?

Well thats a long time, things change and move on. What has this friend been doing for 9 months ? Sitting at home alone or making new friends ?

Just relax and enjoy your evening !

Biggogglyeyes · 17/10/2008 12:50

it wouldnt bother me at the slightest..

the more the merrier!

katiechops · 17/10/2008 12:52

Well I've been invited out tonight by an old friend with her new mummy friends. I hope they aren't all like you and snub me for coming along on "their" night out.

Surfermum · 17/10/2008 12:54

It wouldn't bother me, in fact I enjoy meeting new people. You never know what new friends you are going to get out of it.

What is it about meeting new people that worries you? Maybe we can help you look at that.

pamelat · 17/10/2008 12:55

Be nice. She may not know anyone in the area and be in need of a night out. Its more nerve racking for her.

thesockmonsterofdoom · 17/10/2008 12:58

I am always that extra person, my best friend often invites me on nights out with her friends as I dont get out much, I thik it is rather mean spirited to not want anyone else along.

VinegARGHHHTits · 17/10/2008 13:03

God you sound quite childish

Original poster
TheBightyMoosh · 17/10/2008 13:08

I'm not at all precious, unfriendly or childish - nor do I have any intention of snubbing this girl (what a ridiculous thing to say!!)

I'm sure we will have a brilliant time, and this girl will be lovely - it was more the fact that we were told that this girl was coming - I'm sure none of us would have said she couldn't come along if we were asked - I suppose it was just the principle -it would have been nice to have been asked, that's all.

OP posts:
VinegARGHHHTits · 17/10/2008 13:11

'I am a bit upset as i was looking forward to a night out like old times - i'm not great with meeting new people, so i don't want any awkwardness on the night'

so if she had asked your permission first you would not still feel this way?

LouMacca · 17/10/2008 13:13

YABU. This is how people make new friends isn't it? I've met many of my good friends through other friends.

Enjoy your night

AbbaFan · 17/10/2008 13:20

It's a great chance to meet a new friend yourself, and imagine how nervous she must be feeling.

Monkeyblue · 17/10/2008 13:23

FFS Why should you be asked for permission?

Its not your party.
Its a group of girls going out for the night
your friend must think she will get on with everyone
I have met some really good friends this way

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