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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be annoyed at my friend for inviting a stranger to our girls night out?

77 replies

TheBightyMoosh · 17/10/2008 12:23

I genuinely can't work out if I'm over-reacting or i should just let it go - can you help me decide?

I've got a small group of girlfriends - we all worked together about 4 years ago, and have been pretty close ever since. We used to go out together about once a month, as well as meeting up individually in between. Recently we've not met up as often - I had my dd almost 9 months ago, and a couple are in new relationships, so it's been a while since we had a proper night out. We've got a date in the diary for next week, my bf is babysitting, and I really can't wait, as it's my first proper girls night out since dd was born. One of the group emailed yesterday to inform us that she had invited a friend of hers to 'our' night out. I am a bit upset as i was looking forward to a night out like old times - i'm not great with meeting new people, so i don't want any awkwardness on the night - so i was wondering if i should mention that i'm upset to my friend, or should I just leave it?

OP posts:

jojosmaman · 17/10/2008 13:24

I understand your feelings, we have a girl in our ante natal group who always invites a different friend along to our nights out (she even invited one to one of the girls hen nights!). It bothered me at first as it seemed an odd thing to do but then actually I felt a bit sorry for the girl who does it as she ends up just chatting with her friend all night and neither gets involved with the group.

I think a lot of the posters are being unfair by implying that the girl being brought out is some social misfit and that you shouldnt be so cruel, for all you and they know she could be a party animal who just wants an excuse to get out and will sod off with a fella as soon as you hit the pubs!

Having said that, I brought my SIL out to my old work friends night out a few years ago (she is French and so at the time didnt have a huge social circle whereas now she has 1000's of bloody friends, way more than me!!) and now she is very good friends with all of them and sees them without me there now so you could make a new very good friend!

Original poster

TheBightyMoosh · 17/10/2008 13:25

"so if she had asked your permission first you would not still feel this way?"

I suppose I might feel slightly put out, but i would know i was being unreasonable to feel like that, and i would deal with it by just letting it go.

OP posts:

bundle · 17/10/2008 13:26

yabu

Blondeshavemorefun · 17/10/2008 13:27

yes YUBU

you can never have too many friends,and sure this lady will prob feel awkward/shy as you all know each other

we have a girls night out once a month, and i certainly wouldnt mind if one of my friends brought along another girl

try and have a good time

Lurkinaround · 17/10/2008 13:33

I don't get to go out much due to having a young child and being a bit of a 'social misfit' and a friend has invited me on a girls night soon. I was looking forward to it but it never occurred to me that the other women would be a bit put out. It's not like I'm going to sit in the corner and keep tugging on friend's sleeve to talk to me. Hmm, I'd better not think about it too much or I'll end up not going.

My only worry before was what to wear! I don't want to look too obviously like someone who doesn't go out much!

mppaw · 17/10/2008 13:36

I know how you feel BightyMoosh...nothing to do with being mean or childish etc...but also agree with others saying a new addition to an already existing group is a good thing.....how about asking your friend about this new friend, she might be having a tough time of it, hence the night out, she also might have a 9 month old...find out some info so you can start to look forward to the night out.

Like I say, I think it is a personality trait, as I have often got stressed in the past when other people turn up on a night out that I was not expecting....some of friends know what I am like and quite happily take the p1ss now about my funny little ways......

sowot · 17/10/2008 13:37

What are you - Part of some private members club? You don't need to be asked - its not as though its your party, its just a night out. Anyway, sometimes when time/life passes with a group of work friends it can be difficult to keep the friendship alive as you have less in common. This new girl will inject something new into the conversation and keep you all from bitching. Unless that's what makes you happy. And yeah, maybe the new girl is a bit short on a social life. A few years further into motherhood you may be grateful for the invite yourself. You're a mother now and this seems petty - just enjoy a well earned night out.

bundle · 17/10/2008 13:38

"I have often got stressed in the past when other people turn up on a night out that I was not expecting...."

I'd hardly call that a funny little way, it's pretty controlling

NorkyButNice · 17/10/2008 13:38

I've just moved back to London from the US and would love to be invited on a night out by some of the friends I used to knock around with, but I certainly don't expect them to have sat still for the last 3 years not making any new friends!

YABU!

electra · 17/10/2008 13:46

I think YABU. In your position, I wouldn't even have given it a second thought, and would be quite pleased if anything. Being possessive about friendships is not very attractive. As someone else said, everything changes.

junkcollector · 17/10/2008 13:47

A stranger is only a friend you haven't met yet...or some such crap.

Original poster

TheBightyMoosh · 17/10/2008 13:53

Ok - thanks for all your replies - I can see IABU!

I'm sure we'll have a fab time, and she'll be a great addition to the group.

OP posts:

bundle · 17/10/2008 13:55

make a big fuss of her

Cheeseandseveredfingersarnie · 17/10/2008 13:58

youll have a great time.just chill,enjoy your long awaited night out and maybe end up with new friend!

KiwiKat · 17/10/2008 14:03

Of course you're not being unreasonable - you were just expecting a different kind of night from what it might turn out to be, and I can completely understand that. But there's nothing you can do about it without sounding like you're pouting, plus your friend wouldn't have invited her if she thought the rest of you wouldn't like her, so trust her judgement, let it go, and do everything you can to make sure you have a fantastic time.

mppaw · 17/10/2008 14:16

KK, Your brave agreeing with the OP, am now waiting for you to be called a weirdo or control freak.

MorrisZapp · 17/10/2008 14:20

Bucking the concensus here, I totally sympathise with the OP.

I know this might sound awful to some but I have great friends already and I'm not looking for new ones. I often find that nights out with new strangers brought along can feel a bit like hard work 'so what do you do then' etc until at least the first few drinks are down.

I have 2 friends who I know really well and who I know I can totally offload to and vice versa, but with a new person there you have to be polite, ask about them, not let them feel left out etc. You can't just do your usual chat as they won't get the in jokes etc.

Usually it's fine as the person is nice and friendly but sometimes it grates and you think ffs, I'd have rather stayed at home.

Also, for those of us with annoying outgoing and humourous personalities, it can make you feel like the unpaid entertainment.

I'm admit I'm odd about friends and socialising and no doubt I sound like a total beeatch!

I do like meeting new people but not on a treasured and rare night out with old pals.

cikecaka · 17/10/2008 14:25

I agree with the poster, I was a bit upset last week to discover that a friend of mine had invited another friend of hers along as it leaves it awkward and leaves the conversation a bit slow with plenty of pauses. Turns out the friend couldnt come in the end and we had a fabulous night

girlsnightout · 17/10/2008 14:26

You might have a lot in common with this lady and once you've had a few drinks and relaxed into the everning you'll wonder what all the fuss was about. It's great to catch up with old friends but you may just make a new one! Have a great night!!

mppaw · 17/10/2008 14:38

horay...more social weirdo's like me and the OP.
MorrisZapp....spot on.

Dainese27 · 17/10/2008 14:49

Is it that bigger deal?

There's more important things going on in the world right?

Hilarious!

mppaw · 17/10/2008 14:55

To be honest D27, mumsnet would be a V dull place if we only discussed "more important things going on in the world"

MorrisZapp · 17/10/2008 14:57

Surely the whole point of this subject (AIBU) is to debate the finer points of issues that aren't really that big a deal?

Hilarious!

Dainese27 · 17/10/2008 15:08

THE actual only answer is :

Yes, you are.

And is this even worth calling an issue?!

Even more hilarious.

BTW - I ran out of sugar puffs this morning am I being unreasonable in blaming the Honey Monster for making them so tasty that I ate 2 bowls yesterday and therefore didn't have any left for today.

I'm going out of my mind worrying about it - please help.

macdoodle · 17/10/2008 15:10

Wow how old are you - 12????

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