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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to dislike the one child family topic?

85 replies

DrNortherner · 10/10/2008 11:00

I have an only, I am an only. I don't feel I need any extra support over and above what MN could already provide.

My ds is a child like any other and brings the same delights and challnges as any other kids.

He just happens to not have a sibling.

The new topic makes me feel like a bit of a freak. I don't think I'll be using it.

OP posts:

darkpunk · 10/10/2008 11:03

yabu..theres a thread for large familys..what's your problem?

snowleopard · 10/10/2008 11:04

Hmm I just used it for the first time. I don't feel that way, after all there are lots of niche topics; it doesn't mean you're a freak if they're appropriate to you. Like chicken-keepers.

artichokes · 10/10/2008 11:05

I think it is a bit odd.
We have a large families topic, and now a one child family topic.
Are only two and three child families meant to use the rest of the board?
Or maybe they should have their own topic too and we can all exist in seperate ghettos...

nooOOOoonki · 10/10/2008 11:07

YABU - you dont have to use it, it is for threads specific to having one child (though with 3 in our family I won't have much to add!)

TsarChasm · 10/10/2008 11:07

I sort of agree with you, but I guess lots of others feel differently because it was requested as a new topic I think wasn't it?

I think children are children. I was an only child too but have 3 dc (I don't especially notice the 'large families' topic either) so I've seen all sides.

It doesn't upset me to see it though. I guess everyone is different in the type of support they require and that's what mn is for.

Shitehawk · 10/10/2008 11:07

I'm with you, Northerner. I have an only, but the new topic seems to want to make parents of singletons into something out of the ordinary. And we're not. I've been posting on MN for over four years and I don't think I've ever posted anything which I can directly relate to dd being an only child.

Mumsnet is divisive enough as it is! And I really don't see having an only child as being a niche in quite the same way as Chicken Keepers ... even those posters with lots of children were parents of singletons once.

snowleopard · 10/10/2008 11:07

Of course not. It's a topic for when you want to discuss something particular to that situation, eg large cars, or what do you say if your child is pestering you for a sibling. You don't have to use it at all...!

Lazycow · 10/10/2008 11:07

Then don't use it. I personally welcome it as sometimes my RL friends DO make me feel like a freak for having only one child.

Also I have a lot of grief about being only able to have one so it is good to talk to others about how I feel who understand this.

I can quite see how you have no issues about having only one child and are perfectly happy with that aspect of your life and see it as no different to any other family. I personally do see it as different and in some ways not the 'norm'. i welcome a section where I won't be subjectdto some of the quite frankly upsetting stereotypes sometimes spouted here about only children and their parents.

Rindercella · 10/10/2008 11:09

YABU. As darkpunk points out, there is a topic for larger families so why not have one for small families too.

My DD is (and will remain) an only child and there are quite a few questions/thoughts I have around this, especially as she will also be the only grandchild of her age on either side of our family.

snowleopard · 10/10/2008 11:09

Though while we're on this, I think some very niche new topics are being added while there are still some big gaps. A lot of us want to talk about MILs, SILs, sisters etc and end up putting that in relationships. There should be relationships and also a separate one called relatives. Relationships to me suggests issues to do with your OH.

snickersnack · 10/10/2008 11:10

I do think, from speaking to friends with just one child (through choice or happenstance) that there are lots of issues that arise when you just have one child. How to deal with the inevitable questions about whether they will be having a sibling, worries about how they'll learn to share/play/relate to other children, etc. So I don't think it's unreasonable that there should be somewhere people can go to ask that question specifically.

muggglewump · 10/10/2008 11:12

As a mother of an only I like it.
I've never known another in real life so it'll be nice to chat to some more, particularly those like me who have an only by choice.
There's loads of topics on here I've never used, and probably never will, they don't bother me, I just don't look at them.

Shitehawk · 10/10/2008 11:15

But what's wrong with asking those questions on the appropriate part of the existing board? Behaviour, Development, Education; any of the other topics?

Posting in the one child family topic isn't going to put parents of bigger families off sticking their oars in - they once had only children too.

I won't be using the topic myself ... like Northerner, it makes me feel a bit of a freak. Or as if I'm trying to be something special because I only have one child.

I'm a mother - just like (almost) everyone else here. I don't want to be stuck into a pigeonhole, or be made to feel that I shouldn't be using other parts of the board because there's a one child family topic now.

Original poster

DrNortherner · 10/10/2008 11:21

But don't you see it is us as Mum's who often make us feel odd for having an only - why should we?

This topic only adds to the mystery of it all I think. All 'issues' raised over a child being an only could equally be raised by a mum of 2/3 or 4 kids (except the issue of asking for a sibling granted!)

Kids with siblings can be lonley/have no friends/be no good at sharing. These things do not happen because the child is an only and they are not exclusive to only children either.

We are creating an issue when there really isn't one.

OP posts:

snowleopard · 10/10/2008 11:22

Well because if you see the topic before the thread title, you see what angle someone is coming from and you immediately know if you are in a position to empathise.

I think this is odd - no one has said that just because they like crafts or recipes, or have a chicken, or have a child with SN or whatever, that they are being made to feel a freak or "not allowed" to use the rest of the topics. I think this might be because we (parents of onlies) can actually be made to feel slightly freakish in RL and are maybe a bit sensitised to it. But to me that makes this topic all the more useful.

VinegARGHHHTits · 10/10/2008 11:23

Must admit i was a bit when i saw it appear on the boards

and what shitehawk said

littlelapin · 10/10/2008 11:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Swedes · 10/10/2008 11:30

I think there should be an average family topic for those with 1.6 children.

mrsgboring · 10/10/2008 11:32

Well I'm hoping DS won't be an only for long as I'm PG, but have been on occasion made to feel like a knownothing for "only" having one child by people IRL and occasionally on the boards.

Maybe it will be an area where PFB isn't slung around freely as a put down.

I am a bit sensitive to this as DS isn't really an only - he has an older sister who died just before birth, but there are plenty of people who have an only either through choice or circumstance and there is a lot of casual insulting going on (at least in the toddler groups I go to)

Rindercella · 10/10/2008 11:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Swedes · 10/10/2008 11:42

I'd also like to see the following topics:

'Good Looking Families' - to try and limit the jealousy on other threads

'Ugly Familes' - they have very specific problems that need not concern the rest of us

law-Abiding Families - Tips on how to pay parking fines on time etc

Criminal Families - Dealing with Youth Offender Units, Parole officers etc and what to wear when you're out shoplifting, using your Bugaboo to good effect etc.

snowleopard · 10/10/2008 11:44

How about "Feeling touchy"

Jajas · 10/10/2008 11:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

DrNortherner · 10/10/2008 11:47

It's not about feeling touch. Its about not creating unneccassary divides.

OP posts:

PuppyMonkey · 10/10/2008 11:50

The chickens topic really gets on my nerves - no topic for CATS but one for CHICKENS.??? It makes no sense whatsoever! But then very little on MN seems to... c'est la vie!

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