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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to dislike the one child family topic?

85 replies

DrNortherner · 10/10/2008 11:00

I have an only, I am an only. I don't feel I need any extra support over and above what MN could already provide.

My ds is a child like any other and brings the same delights and challnges as any other kids.

He just happens to not have a sibling.

The new topic makes me feel like a bit of a freak. I don't think I'll be using it.

OP posts:
Rubyrubyruby · 10/10/2008 12:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

edam · 10/10/2008 12:18

WannaBe, am really shocked by your post. How very rude!

Asking for a specific topic does not mean all single-child families are psychologically damaged and in need of therapy. Blimey. You've demonstrated exactly why some people wanted a topic, somewhere safe from such prejudice.

wannaBe · 10/10/2008 12:19

only chickens then?

WeLoveFabio · 10/10/2008 12:23

Are you a one Chicken family wannabe? If not get lost

Sorry am not poking fun at those who enjoy and use the new topic. I can't say if it is a good idea or not. I hope it gets sorted though.

edam · 10/10/2008 12:23

OK, just thought of an example. Two years ago ds had a nursery teacher who was VERY hostile to one-child families. Used to come out with all sorts of patronising bollocks about making sure he had plenty of play dates. FFS, he was THREE, it's hardly unusual for someone at that age to have no siblings. And he did and does have lots of people to play with.

It is not as if ds had any problems socialising -as it happens, the few children among his peers who did need help with their behaviour were all younger siblings. Am sure this is a co-incidence but suggests the teacher had her own issues rather than any specific concerns.

I didn't post anything about it because I didn't want to get any criticism back about not providing ds with siblings. If there had been an 'only child' topic back then, maybe I would have felt more confident about getting support.

LurkerOfTheUniverse · 10/10/2008 12:23

i have 1 child but I don't think there is enough that is different to warrent a whole new topic

I am also the eldest of 5, so I know what it,s like from the other side

zippitippitoes · 10/10/2008 12:25

i think edam you hit the nail on the head it is usual not to have siblings up to 5 or 6 at least

coppertop · 10/10/2008 12:26

If the topic gets used then it's obviously because people need/want it.

If it doesn't get used then presumably MNHQ could delete it.

I don't see the problem with it myself.

FAQ · 10/10/2008 12:28

I'd be interested to know what age children the "parents of onlies" who don't want the topic have.

I don't have an only, far from it , and I wasn't an only child - however I could imagine the "issues" surrounding only children are more prominent the older the child is.

Surfermum · 10/10/2008 12:28

WannaBe you could say that about almost any section on here.

I really don't see what the issue is. If you don't like the section don't use it, if people want to use it and find it helpful fine. Why does it matter to other people?

SixSpotBonfire · 10/10/2008 12:29

Lots of mumsnetters won't have realised that there is a one-child family topic, until seeing this thread. I certainly didn't.

FAQ · 10/10/2008 12:30

well sixspot - it didn't appear until yesterday (or was it the day before??) so quite likely lots don't know about it yet

wannaBe · 10/10/2008 12:36

but Edam you get prejudice in all walks of life and all situations.

If you have an only child then there will be people who think that that child will end up being spoiled/lonely.

If you have lots of children there are people who think that you cannot possibly give them all enough attention.

If you have a small age gap there are people who think you cannot possibly cope.

If you have a large age gap there are people who think that it is unfair on the older sibling to bring another sibling into the family when he/she has been so used to having all the attention.

And so it goes on.

But these are not issues related to having one/several/big/small gap, these are issues based on other people's opinions. And we all have opinions on the way other people live their lives, whether we voice them or not.

And at the end of the day, if people are happy with the life they have chosen for their family, then other people's opinions are irelevant. And if people are that upset by other's opinions then yes, I think it's relevant to wonder whether they are really happy with the decisions they have made or whether there is some doubt.

And I think this is especially relevant to people who have been able to conceive more children due to fertility issues, because the decision has effectively been taken out of their hands, so there is more likelyhood that they have merely had to accept their life rather than be happy with it iyswim.

wannaBe · 10/10/2008 12:42

FAQ tbh I think the "issues" are far more prevalent when children are younger, because the older children get, the more they can resolve any issues for themselves, whereas when children are younger it is up to us as parents to facilitate play dates etc.

My only child will be 6 in November.

darkpunk · 10/10/2008 12:44

possibly looking too deeply into all this wannabe...mn is only a parenting forum..it doesn't have the answer to life, the universe, and everything else...i just think larger familys/onlys/ have a few issues that familys of 2 or 3 don't....

scaryteacher · 10/10/2008 12:47

I only have one child, and it's nice to see the thread there.

If you don't like it, don't look it.

YABU.

VinegARGHHHTits · 10/10/2008 12:49

All familys can have issues, regardless of their size

MascaraOHara · 10/10/2008 13:34

Just been linked to this.

I dont' like that section at all. Am single parent to one child (btw)

I also saw soemone (seriously) suggest there should be a SAHM topic.. I said it there and I'll say it here if/when that happens I will leave.

The board is becoming to divided already imvho.

MamaG · 10/10/2008 13:35

YANBU Dr N I agree

cupsoftea · 10/10/2008 13:36

You might have a queston that applies to those with one child the most & will get the most relevant help quicker

Original poster
DrNortherner · 10/10/2008 13:39

FAQ my only child is 6, and tbh I have not experienced any issues that my mates with 2 plus kids haven't.

I am also an only child myself and had a wonderful childhood, loving parents, good network of friends - I am happy, sociable and confident. No issues there at all.

I agree with wanabee, I have never seen any mudslinging on here towards parents of only children.

Please, someone enlighten me as to what issues I cuold have with an only that are specific to him being an only. (apart for asking for a sibling!)

Becasue as far as I am concerned (to quote Blu) Ds is our boy, I am him mum, dh is his dad and it's all good.

OP posts:
teafortwo · 10/10/2008 13:39

Teafortwo rearranges herself from the one child topic party -

DrNortherner - thank you so much for this thread xxxx

As dear Oscar Wilde said - "The only thing worse than being talked about is not..."

My verdict - YANBU to not like something! I don't like goats cheese much either! So I just don't eat it.

If I ever want to get some advice from someone who is so confident and sorted on the one child parenting side of things I will give you a shout in "parenting"

BTW if you ever happen to accidently wonder in on one of our threads to give or ask for advice I want you to know... you will always be welcome!

Thanks for your time!

Original poster
DrNortherner · 10/10/2008 13:41

You own the topic the do you teafortwo?

There is no need to be so bloody patronising.

OP posts:
MascaraOHara · 10/10/2008 13:43

DrN I am so with you..

what's wrong with whacking it into "being a parent" or wherever.

tbh if the board gets much more fragmented non thread will ever get that many posts because everyone will have to tailor to the Nth degree.. dobody will ever be sure where they should post for the best response so people will start more tyhan one thread etc

if you're not sure where to put it there's always 'other subjects'

VinegARGHHHTits · 10/10/2008 13:46

That was unnecessarily smug teafortwo, after that post i dont think i will be popping into to that thread. ever. Thanks

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