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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed with my SIL?

34 replies

oysterpots · 03/10/2008 17:33

SIL's DS is 2, my DS is 14mo.

She's always been really generous and lent us clothes and toys for our DS, which we've been very grateful for (they are significantly better off than we are) and we've always said they can borrow all our bits and pieces for their next DC.

SIL is pregnant and has just found out she's having DS2. I asked whether she had a 12-18mo coat we could borrow for DS (for a couple of months until he fits into his 18-24mo one we already have). SIL is now saying she wants to keep hold of everything to keep it in shape for DS2.

AIBU to think it's ridiculous for me to have to spend another £20 or something so that in 18 months time her DS2 will have 2 coats to choose from?!?

I know it's totally up to her and she's been generous up til now, but I don't think knowing I was having another boy would stop my generosity as I would always plan to have more DC anyway.

OP posts:
Brangelina · 03/10/2008 17:37

YABU - you shouldn't have taken for granted she'd give you the stuff. Why can't you just roll the sleeves up on your DS's bigger coat until he grows into it? I always get bigger stuff for my DD and roll sleeves/legs up until they're the right size.

crokky · 03/10/2008 17:38

I'm sorry, I think YABU.

In your position, I'd put your DS in the 18-24m coat now, regardless of whether it is too big.

If she has 2 coats that belong to her and wants her DS2 to have 2 coats, then it's her choice.

She is pg and wants to get stuff ready for her baby - I think that's fine.

pooka · 03/10/2008 17:39

YABU. You shouldn't expect to have first dibs at the hand-me-downs.

Also, the fact that she has more money should not prevent her from maybe wanting to exercise a little bit of economy when it comes to clothing her children.

NotDoingTheHousework · 03/10/2008 17:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Tamarto · 03/10/2008 17:40

YABU - She bought it it's up to her what she does with it.

bumpybecky · 03/10/2008 17:41

YABU sorry

bubblagirl · 03/10/2008 17:42

you can go to charity shop and buy nice coats for little one my ds got all his nice next coats from charity shop and then you could give it back to charity or sell it when finished with

i dont think she is bu or you but you shouldnt just think you will get all her nice stuff you can get great stuff from charity shops no different from hand me downs

SammyK · 03/10/2008 17:43

YABVU

sounds like your sil has been very kid and generous in the past, and asking is just cheeky IMO. Everyone is feeling the pinch at the moment, so I think your sil is being wise holding onto things.

Also it doesn't have to be a fortune for a new coat. Try carboot, primark, NCT sales, charity shops, high street/supermarket sales.

JuneBugJen · 03/10/2008 17:44

Yabu, sorry. Its her stuff and she can do with it what she likes. 3rd hand stuff is a little tatty IMO.

But, I would still lend any stuff to my SIL but that is my perogative.

nailpolish · 03/10/2008 17:44

are you planning on giving her the coat back?

what if it gets ripped?

she is quite right to keep the clothes for her ds2. she paid for them fgs

hertsnessex · 03/10/2008 17:45

YABU. Just roll up his sleeves - 2 months growing isnt going to make alot of difference to coat size.

Original poster
oysterpots · 03/10/2008 17:48

Ha, well that's pretty unanimous. I did have a feeling I might've been being unreasonable which is why I asked you lot. It was an agreement we came to when I was pregnant so I guess that was a while ago now. Difficult to renegotiate those things further down the road...

OP posts:
RubyRioja · 03/10/2008 17:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JuneBugJen · 03/10/2008 17:50

You should have mentioned that it was a formal agreement - may not have been quite so forthright in declaring you were being unreasonable!
But things change and would think this is a pretty good reason to go back on it.

Well done for accepting the YABU - its a rare person who can!

elmoandella · 03/10/2008 17:50

YABU - ungrateful - rude - selfish.

elmoandella · 03/10/2008 17:52

i'm interested to the agreement??

she gives you all her sons ds hand me downs??

what do you give her in return?

nailpolish · 03/10/2008 17:52

way back when the agreement was made surely she didnt know she would be having another ds

if the tables were turned youd be the same. think about it

she is excited about having anotjher ds and wants to keep all her clothes for him.

Original poster
oysterpots · 03/10/2008 18:00

The agreement was that we'd get their hand me downs and we'd do the same for their subsequent DC. So I will be packaging up all of our baby clothes up to 18mo and handing it over to her when she has the baby in the new year.

elmoandella - who am I being rude to? I haven't voiced this to my SIL.

nailpolish - I'm not sure that I would. Perhaps I put less importance on material things but I think it the best way to be green and frugal to share/reuse/lend and borrow.

Thanks JuneBugJen. Our relationship is fragile enough as it is so I wanted to explore how I was feeling online before doing anything IRL

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Original poster
oysterpots · 03/10/2008 18:02

Plus I know from bitter experience that you only lend things if you don't mind them not coming back!

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traceybath · 03/10/2008 18:03

Well you know yabu.

Also easier to be green etc when you're the one getting all the nice quality hand me downs.

She's pregnant so cut her some slack. To be honest i kept all my eldest's stuff for my youngest and will hand it on once he's used it. I think thats how most people operate.

nailpolish · 03/10/2008 18:03

if she lends you the coat and it gets ripped or whatever she wont have a coat to hand down to her ds2
she will have to buy a new one so she will be out of pocket
unless you plan on replacing it if it gets damaged???????????

JuneBugJen · 03/10/2008 18:04

I think it sounds as though you had a good arrangement and its a shame she has gone back on it as it sounds very reciprocal!! you should have said that at the beginning as it did sound a bit petulant and you clearly aren't!!!!

Original poster
oysterpots · 03/10/2008 18:06

Don't know about that Jen, think I was being a teensy bit petulant! But thanks

OP posts:
JuneBugJen · 03/10/2008 18:07
Grin
Original poster
oysterpots · 03/10/2008 18:09

(If you want petulant, at DS's birthday we gave elephant balloons to the kids when they went home. By the time SIL left there were only normal balloons left, so I gave her one of those and she said "well we know where we are in the pecking order now then" )

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