to be annoyed with my SIL?

[oysterpots]

SIL's DS is 2, my DS is 14mo.

She's always been really generous and lent us clothes and toys for our DS, which we've been very grateful for (they are significantly better off than we are) and we've always said they can borrow all our bits and pieces for their next DC.

SIL is pregnant and has just found out she's having DS2. I asked whether she had a 12-18mo coat we could borrow for DS (for a couple of months until he fits into his 18-24mo one we already have). SIL is now saying she wants to keep hold of everything to keep it in shape for DS2.

AIBU to think it's ridiculous for me to have to spend another £20 or something so that in 18 months time her DS2 will have 2 coats to choose from?!?

I know it's totally up to her and she's been generous up til now, but I don't think knowing I was having another boy would stop my generosity as I would always plan to have more DC anyway.

[nametaken]

YABU - you can buy a little coat it won't cost much.

If someone had handed down lots of lovely clothes to me for my ds I certainly would have made sure I had enough elephant balloons to give her ds one.

[pamelat]

My 8 month old is in her new 12 - 18 months coat, its huge on her (!) but will save us money long term. NO harm with a coat being too big.

To be honest I can see why your SIL wants to keep the coats for her new arrival.

[lisad123]

sorry but think yabu, she might want her clothes for her new baby to be in good condition and not being funny, but coats take a battering as 3rd hand can be pretty rotten. Go to second hand shop, i brought a lovelt next coat last week for dd2 for £2

[ShyBaby]

Maybe not even that...

Ive passed lots of clothes on and given lots to charity but there are the odd few things that I keep. Even though I dont intend to have any more kids. Some things im a tad erm...sentimental about

[cupsoftea]

But her things will be handed down to her ds2 - if you have another child it could benefit again from getting his/her clothes

[oldraver]

She said you couldnt borrow the coat as she is trying to "keep it in shape for her DS". Is she trying to tell you you are not looking after things very well ??

[ShyBaby]

yabu but you know that

Ive had a lot of lovely things from friends. Most of dd's clothes are hand me downs, hardly worn or brand new. But I would never expect it.

[alicet]

OK so correct me if I have got this wrong but you seem to have much the better deal in this 'formal agreement'. So she buys lots of new things for her ds, you borrow the lot so probably end up buying next to nothing new yourself, and very generously give HER things back to her but a bit stained / bobbled / worn etc?

YABVU. You act like you have a right to this stuff. She has been very generous so far but at the end of the day it is her stuff that she has paid for and you should bloody well buy your own!

[mumeeee]

YABU.You should not take it fogranted that she will always lend you things. She has been generous up to now and is right to want to keep stuff for he new baby.

[oysterpots]

(If you want petulant, at DS's birthday we gave elephant balloons to the kids when they went home. By the time SIL left there were only normal balloons left, so I gave her one of those and she said "well we know where we are in the pecking order now then" )

[JuneBugJen]

[oysterpots]

Don't know about that Jen, think I was being a teensy bit petulant! But thanks

[JuneBugJen]

I think it sounds as though you had a good arrangement and its a shame she has gone back on it as it sounds very reciprocal!! you should have said that at the beginning as it did sound a bit petulant and you clearly aren't!!!!

[nailpolish]

if she lends you the coat and it gets ripped or whatever she wont have a coat to hand down to her ds2
she will have to buy a new one so she will be out of pocket
unless you plan on replacing it if it gets damaged???????????

[traceybath]

Well you know yabu.

Also easier to be green etc when you're the one getting all the nice quality hand me downs.

She's pregnant so cut her some slack. To be honest i kept all my eldest's stuff for my youngest and will hand it on once he's used it. I think thats how most people operate.

[oysterpots]

Plus I know from bitter experience that you only lend things if you don't mind them not coming back!

[oysterpots]

The agreement was that we'd get their hand me downs and we'd do the same for their subsequent DC. So I will be packaging up all of our baby clothes up to 18mo and handing it over to her when she has the baby in the new year.

elmoandella - who am I being rude to? I haven't voiced this to my SIL.

nailpolish - I'm not sure that I would. Perhaps I put less importance on material things but I think it the best way to be green and frugal to share/reuse/lend and borrow.

Thanks JuneBugJen. Our relationship is fragile enough as it is so I wanted to explore how I was feeling online before doing anything IRL

[nailpolish]

way back when the agreement was made surely she didnt know she would be having another ds

if the tables were turned youd be the same. think about it

she is excited about having anotjher ds and wants to keep all her clothes for him.

[elmoandella]

i'm interested to the agreement??

she gives you all her sons ds hand me downs??

what do you give her in return?

[elmoandella]

YABU - ungrateful - rude - selfish.

[JuneBugJen]

You should have mentioned that it was a formal agreement - may not have been quite so forthright in declaring you were being unreasonable!
But things change and would think this is a pretty good reason to go back on it.

Well done for accepting the YABU - its a rare person who can!

[oysterpots]

Ha, well that's pretty unanimous. I did have a feeling I might've been being unreasonable which is why I asked you lot. It was an agreement we came to when I was pregnant so I guess that was a while ago now. Difficult to renegotiate those things further down the road...

[hertsnessex]

YABU. Just roll up his sleeves - 2 months growing isnt going to make alot of difference to coat size.

[nailpolish]

are you planning on giving her the coat back?

what if it gets ripped?

she is quite right to keep the clothes for her ds2. she paid for them fgs