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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I know I am but I'm going to do it anyway!

440 replies

mytetherisending · 02/10/2008 13:33

DD2 is now 6mths, has been bf on demand mostly and is fully weaned on 3 meals with desserts, juice from a cup and the occasional snack. She is still demanding night feeds which I feel she shouldn't need if she took good feeds at 10 and 230. Instead she faffs with these and wants milk during the night. I have now decided to quit breast feeding as she will not take bottles- so it is all bottles or none iyswim. I hope that being able to see how much she takes during the day and a gentle prod to take more will reduce night feeding. I have dusted off the GF book which I used with dd1 (and who has only had a handful of disturbed nights since 3mths!) in the hope that the routine will get me some modicum of sleep. I am knackered.

I know it is unreasonable to give up bf for the sake of my sleep, however, dd1 is constantly tired (2.9mths) and is behaving awfully because of it. The baby disturbs her sleep every night

I just needed to vent sorry! Grrr to all those people who say babies get their own pattern and start sleeping eventually- I can't wait til 'eventually' happens!

OP posts:
Original poster
mytetherisending · 02/10/2008 21:46

I did sort of co-sleep when dd2 was in our room until 3mths, as in if I took her into bed and we both fell asleep feeding she stayed in bed until I woke up and put her back in the cot. I wouldn't totally co-sleep personally, because I know a couple whose baby was smothered and died while in bed with them. I just feel dd2 doesn't need milk in the night. She was big at birth (10lb) and at 6mths has gone from the 98th centile before weaning to above the top line now at 21lb9oz 2wks ago! I do think its just habit and needs sorting

OP posts:
Elasticwoman · 02/10/2008 21:47

Trading breast for artificial milk makes chances of baby catching infection higher, as she misses out on your antibodies.

How much easier will it make your life if she has a cold, or croup, or bronchiolitis or .... etc etc etc.

Have you thought of topping her up with ebm? Doesn't have to be in a bottle.

Original poster
mytetherisending · 02/10/2008 21:50

LOL spandex- you know my weeks and what I do, dd2 does miles around the house in her anklecrusher baby walker! If she isn't tired she is hyperactive!!

OP posts:
hairymcclary · 02/10/2008 21:52

Sorry if this has already been said

But you could think about just offering water overnight?? And up a tad more on the solids?

Original poster
mytetherisending · 02/10/2008 21:55

Elasticwoman dd2 has had a cold she caught from me breathing on her in close proximity while breast feeding, for the last 10 days. Since I have not been bf her it has got better!
dd1 was only bf for 6wks and has had far fewer colds/infections than dd2 at the same age.
Compared to the problem of being more susceptible to colds because I am run down, thus increasing the risk of both dcs catching them from me, putting dd2 onto formula is a good solution for me.

OP posts:
Original poster
mytetherisending · 02/10/2008 21:58

hairymcclarey I will definately be trying to settle back with water, I just need to pick nights where the next few days aren't a problem while tired- last time it took hours to settle her with just water.

I feed her until she totally refuses every mouthful so upping solids is not an option- she eats main course and pud at lunch and dinner, I even choose things like rice pudding/custard to up milk intake iyswim, but to no avail

OP posts:
hairymcclary · 02/10/2008 22:01

You may have more of a sleep problem rather than a food problem i reckon.

Controlled crying??

Original poster
mytetherisending · 02/10/2008 22:01

I did used to express for a dreamfeed but just became exhausted as it took up to an hour to get a full bottle of 5oz! I am not prepared to spend all my spare time expressing, especially as I also have a 2.9yo to look after/give my attention to.

OP posts:
eviz · 02/10/2008 22:01

Watching this thread with interest..

DD2 is 3 months, and has recently begun feeding poorly during the day and waking up more frequently for feeds during the night.

Not sure how to handle it as DD1 is 2.2 and only recently in a proper bed. Small house so we're all on top of eachother.

Not sure if it's too early to do anything about it.

I am a GF devotee but think I am in the minority on MN!

Original poster
mytetherisending · 02/10/2008 22:02

Yes, thats what I am thinking CC I feel will be the way to go if no joy with ff.

OP posts:
Original poster
mytetherisending · 02/10/2008 22:05

EVIZ go back to your Gina Ford book.....save yourself before its too late!!! I should have put dd2 on it from the off. My dd1 went on it from 6wks and slept 7-7 by 12wks but it was easier to do with her because she was bottle fed from 6wks iyswim.

OP posts:
hairymcclary · 02/10/2008 22:05

Is she teething? Might be bad time to start if shes gonna be poorly. But also best to get it done asap.

Original poster
mytetherisending · 02/10/2008 22:09

hairymcclarey she is teething on and off but is getting regular doses of ibuprofen to keep on top of it. I also give teething powders etc so I don't think she can be in pain. I am definately leaning towards it being a habit.

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GreenMonkies · 02/10/2008 22:21

yes YABU.

She's just a baby, why do you expect her to sleep all night at 6 months old? It's ridiculous. Babies wake in the night, it's what they do.

Why do people blame all "sleep" problems on bf? What makes you think that giving her formula will make her sleep at night? What if she won't take a bottle of formula, but still wakes in the night and you can no longer bf her back to sleep? You'll be really tired then!

Either way you are going to end up leaving her to cry herself to sleep. Cry, and cry, and cry, at 6 months old. I think thats not just unreasonable, I think thats cruel.

GreenMonkies · 02/10/2008 22:22

The No Cry Sleep Solution Much kinder.

hairymcclary · 02/10/2008 22:23
Hmm
Original poster
mytetherisending · 02/10/2008 22:26

IMO little babies wake in the night. Also IME bottle fed babies sleep better than bf babies (from my dd1 and from friends with bottle fed babies compared to lots of friends with bf babies who seem to wake for longer at night).

Where did I say I would leave her to cry and cry and cry herself to sleep? If thats what you think cc is then you really don't have a clue about how it is actually used.

OP posts:
hairymcclary · 02/10/2008 22:30

CC worked in my house!

Maybe its all about knowing your own child and doing something that you feel you can cope with.

My 2 both slept through from 3months. DD1 still wakes at age 8yrs! Just for a wee tho. But she knows not to bother me just to take herself and get back to bed.

Original poster
mytetherisending · 02/10/2008 22:32

Greenmonkies, my reasoning for trying ff instead is that she is fully weaned on 3 meals per day, I have fed for 6mths which is what I intended and dd1 is getting exhausted through being disturbed every night.
Formula takes longer to digest, I can see how much she is taking and give a gentle prod if its not much during the day, so hopefully she will get most of her calorie requirements during the day. ATM she hardly feeds at breakfast because she feeds in the night. She hardly feeds at 11, 230 and only takes a decent feed at 630pm because she hasn't fed all day (saving herself for the night time!)

OP posts:
GreenMonkies · 02/10/2008 22:54

I know exactly what controlled crying is, I have read lots of literature on it, including the The Contented Little Book Of Control and the handout that HV's give to mums. It doesn't matter how many times you go in to them, ultimately CC results in them crying themselves to sleep.

At 6 months old she is a little baby, 18 months, 2 years, that is still a baby, just not a little one anymore. She doesn't save herself for the night time, she wakes in the night because babies natural sleep rhythms are shorter than ours, and she needs a top up to settle her back off to sleep.

But you're going to wean and then expect her to sleep all night no matter what, just as your title says. And when this doesn't happen (and I'd bet money that it won't) then you'll CC her until she gives up hope and stops calling to you in the night.

marmadukescarlet · 02/10/2008 23:13

Actually, tether you state 'without feeding she will scream for an hour or more' not that you will leave her to cry herself to sleep.

IMHO 60 minutes is way too long to leave a distressed 6mth old.

AbbeyA · 03/10/2008 07:40

I don't like GF and I don't believe in controlled crying. If you get there quickly a quick whisper, stroke and drink of water does the trick. I don't mind getting up to bf a small baby, who needs it, but an older baby who is well fed can manage not to turn nights into feeding sessions leaving the adults fit for nothing the next day!

Elasticwoman · 03/10/2008 08:19

I don't see how leaving the baby to cry at night will help the toddler sister to sleep better.

DaddyJ · 03/10/2008 08:24

CC at 6 months is fine, no worries there,
and your strategy sounds reasonable.

Give it 3-5 days (nights rather) and then take stock.

Good luck

Wizzska · 03/10/2008 09:54

CC worked in my house. The feedings in the night only made his sleep worse. At 6 months I was at the end of my thether too and though I didn't stop bf, I did ban it in the night. It worked a treat. The cc wasn't nice but it let him learn how to get himself to sleep without me having to be there feeding him, and the cc didn't last long, just 40 mins for one night.