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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to expect to wak to my local shop without being sexually abused by some old t*sser?

182 replies

itbird · 30/09/2008 19:02

just now was walking along with my ds 4 and this old git gets out of his van and looks me up and down and says 'nice titties girl' i was dumbfounded - bearing in mind i was wearing a jacket and a scarf around my neck and my 'titties' were not visible unless he was wearing x-ray specs of course . clocked the name of the firm on the van and will be calling them in the morning to complain!!! how rude of him to make me embarrassed like that - i went a deep shade of red with the shock of it as i do have a thing about my chest in so much i have spent my entire life sort of hiding them as they are big in realtion to the rest of my body and i feel so concious of them - horrible pervy old git !!

OP posts:
salsmum · 01/10/2008 01:12

itbird,
Sorry to hear that you're so upset.
I'm just curios to know that if you did'nt have your child with you would you have shouted f**K OFF to him? I know if you do have DC with you you can't give as good as you get [language wise]. I think that would have taught him a lesson IYSWIM.

pingviner · 01/10/2008 02:32

I should probably put my sympathy for the OP into context here: I was once approached (broad daylight, moderately busy street: I think I was targetted because I looked quite young/very short and from behind my clothes could have been mistaken for a school uniform?) by a man who attempted fondle my breasts and made some very explicit suggestions about performing oral sex on me (not even going to type the exact wording here but just to say Im not exactly a mealy mouthed blushing flower and this was some of the most foul and degrading language I had ever heard)

I reacted like ladymariner - bloody angry! and continued walking in the same direction as him screaming abuse (mostly along the lines of pathetic, inadequate, underendowed etc at him like a bloody fishwife!) I felt confident enough to do that - it was a residential area, other passersby were paying attention and moving towards us, he was on his own, it was daytime, there was no way he could have assaulted me further in that particular place. And he ran off looking shocked: I dont he expected defiance, - it was like his script for the encounter had been ripped up.

When I got home I was shaky, angry etc, and sat down to sob to poor DP about it, but those emotions soon passed. I dont feel traumatised by the situation now, and I continue to walk about the same streets in the same manner.
After considering it at the time I did report it to the police - because next time this perv could grab at and attack someone more vulnerable, later at night, in a darker street and by ignoring it or thinking "oh, its one of those things, I got off lightly" I would have missed an opportunity to stop him. As it was I was one of the people called to ID parades when they arrested him for a string of gradually worsening sexual assaults several months later.

I dont think Im a humourless feminazi running round screaming "HATE CRIME!" at everyone, but the above incident has made me much less complacent and less willing to accept certain types of behaviour. Its one thing to be honestly complimented and told you have a nice smile or are pretty - its another when there is a suggestion of physical threat or the comment makes you feel uncomfortable. I can totally understand the visceral disgust the OP feels at being approached in such a way , and I cant see why I have to accept a culture of such comments being par for the course in normal public behaviour.

pingviner · 01/10/2008 02:33

ye gods what the hell am i doing posting all this in the middle of the night! Off to bed now

ScottishMummy · 01/10/2008 08:38

aghast that some can equate unwarranted odious comment as giggle/bit of fun/nice to receive

really?do you base your self esteem and self worth on gawps and comments from strangers

should women meekly expect and accept this kind of dialogue,and if you dont like it implication being your uptight/over reacting

op was minding her business with her son,she shouldnt have been to an offensive degrdaing comment.yes degrading, this is essentially an act of bullying the man asserting his presence asserting himself making her feel belittled and upset

out of interest if someone said "nice titties" to

Daughter
mother
MIL
SIL
friend
granny
would that be ok a nice wee cheeky chap quip

Janos · 01/10/2008 08:40

Excellent and thoughtful posts on this pingviner

God, I could write this bloody thread myself and it's a bit depressing TBH.

Someone (usually several) will pop up to say a variation on the following:

'it's not that bad/get over it/not serious enough to get upset about/that's how men are/you are over-reacting'

Someone else will come out with something along the lines of:-

'ooh, nasty feminists having a go at men, women are just as bad, yes they are you know I saw one pinch a mans arse the other day'

Yet another person will say:-

'Ooh it's lovely when men notice me it brightens up my day, aren't they allowed to give compliments anymore?'

Like I said, depressing. OP was upset. She was totally entitled to be despite snidey comments otherwise and if she wishes to report this mans behaviour to his employer then bloody well good for her.

TheHedgeWitch · 01/10/2008 08:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ScottishMummy · 01/10/2008 09:00

but had a deogatory comment been made only her present it would still be derogatory comment

Ripeberry · 01/10/2008 09:13

When i was 19yrs old i decided to walk home from the office. It was lunchtime and i had a half-day and the weather was lovely so i had to walk through a park in Cardiff near Llandaff cathedral.
A guy was cycling towards me and then cycled back and started to call me a tart. I did not even had a short skirt on or anything.
There were not many people around and he looked like her was around 40yrs old.
I just got really angry and screamed at him and said it was going to kick him in his non-existent balls.
He soon scampered because he supposed that i was going to be all embarassed and upset.
Attack is sometimes the best tactic as they don't expect it.

MorningTownRide · 01/10/2008 10:39

I have been groped in the middle of the night at a party when the man thought I was asleep - I rolled over and he stopped. Didn't mention it in the morning.

I have been flashed at twice. The second time my friend and I laughed and the bloke. ran away.

I have been had many variations of wolf whistling/ I'd 'ave ya/ nice tits/ arse/ legs etc.

I know many women who have been molested by men on busy tubes and on public transport.

Report the bastard. If it makes him think the next time he might think twice about it.

As Riperberry said anger (and laughter) put them off IMO. It's about power.

My favourite story is when my friend Hannah had her arse felt up on the tube, she grabbed the blokes hand and flung it in the air and shouted "Has any one lost a hand? I found this one on my arse"

I'm really sorry for the fleecing you've had on here. It makes me sad.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 01/10/2008 15:18

So, has the Op reported him, and what was the response?

dittany · 01/10/2008 15:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

noonki · 01/10/2008 15:45

good post dittany

gabygirl · 01/10/2008 16:25

I remember feeling abused when men directed nasty, salacious comments at me when I was young. It's one of the few good things about turning 40 - sleezy men ignore you. I feel for the OP and hope she reports the tosser who upset her to his employers.

NotCod · 01/10/2008 16:28

where has tit girl gone then

notinlimboanymore · 01/10/2008 16:29

NotCod

ScottishMummy · 01/10/2008 20:29

sometimes cod you are funny & well observed.not this time.that was crass and cheeky

NotCod · 01/10/2008 20:29

oh she is a moron.

ScottishMummy · 01/10/2008 20:30

and you are trying too hard to be controversial

NotCod · 01/10/2008 20:31

well ti works then
oi OP
nice tits

ScottishMummy · 01/10/2008 20:33

bye byeski fish go play with the aibu crowd

Janos · 01/10/2008 20:41

Sexual harrassment is, of course, hilarious.

All women who complain about it are pathetic whingers/frigid/feminazis/dykes.

Oh, ha ha. That's very funny.

notinlimboanymore · 01/10/2008 21:03

oh dear, its all gone a bit tits up.

Janos · 01/10/2008 21:28

I'm not surprised the OP hasn't come back to this thread tbh.

Lets have a few cheap cracks about rape, racism, child abuse and domestic violence while we're at it.

Anything for a laff.

ScottishMummy · 01/10/2008 21:34

having a laugh ladies?take the piss out of someone,some cheap word puns.juvenile and cruel

onager · 01/10/2008 22:15

As I've said all along I feel sorry for the OP because it upset her even though I'm quite sure that wasn't the intent.
I also don't think people should say these things because there are people who might get upset.

But I still think this is way over the top.

Why are people still saying this is an evil male dominance thing. I posted the link where the female students got told to stop doing the same thing.

And where did "its another when there is a suggestion of physical threat" come from? ffs

I reckon the phrase 'good morning' could take on new meaning.

Hmmm he said good morning... morning is when I get out of bed. He is thinking about me being in bed. OH GOD HE IS GOING TO ATTACK ME!!!