to expect to wak to my local shop without being sexually abused by some old t*sser?

[itbird]

just now was walking along with my ds 4 and this old git gets out of his van and looks me up and down and says 'nice titties girl' i was dumbfounded - bearing in mind i was wearing a jacket and a scarf around my neck and my 'titties' were not visible unless he was wearing x-ray specs of course . clocked the name of the firm on the van and will be calling them in the morning to complain!!! how rude of him to make me embarrassed like that - i went a deep shade of red with the shock of it as i do have a thing about my chest in so much i have spent my entire life sort of hiding them as they are big in realtion to the rest of my body and i feel so concious of them - horrible pervy old git !!

"Hang on..When and where was the time it was ever acceptable to say something like that to someone you dont know, in front of their child, in a shop?"

I'm wondering this too. Cos I think onager's on a serious wind up.

They weren't in a shop.

I never did talk like that, but am old enough to remember when people did. Also wolf whistles which are now banned apparently.

Glad you picked up on that OLKN. Cos the location makes a whole heap of difference, doesn't it?

Traditionally it's building site workers who are supposed to act like that and I think the whistling has only recently been banned

Don't remember any of my parents, or their friends thinking it was 'ok' or a 'compliment' or any such bollocks really.

Come to that don't think any of my Grandparents did either.

I'm shocked at the level of vitriol that has been levelled to the OP.

For those who lost the plot with the OP, are you receiving any counselling to help you come to terms with such dreadful experiences?

I can sympathise with the OP - I travelled in South America (many, childless years ago) and in Peru the men were repulsive - it got to the stage where I was stressed just walking out of the door. In contrast, in Venezuela, all the men engage in 'piropos' which is really quaint, and respectful banter - they say things like 'my queen, I adore you' as you walk along the street, and it is not remotely threatening or insulting.

op
yanbu
ring up his work and complain even if he was on his own time he was representing his firm by being in the work van.
also the op was asking if her terminology was unreasonable just being peeved at the mans actions.people really get on their high horse on this website the op was in no way belitting victims of sexual abuse.

"It was a compliment by someone from a time when it was acceptable. I've personally always thought it a bit rude, but it was not in the least unusual" My Dad, God rest his soul, was a real one for the ladies, cheeky and charming. But he never EVER would have said this to a woman on the street. This has never really been acceptable behaviour.

I am genuinely disappointed by the reaction on a site that is supposed to be supportive of other women (yeah i know its a parenting site, and we have dads here too but you know what i mean).

The man was clearly obnoxious, rude and ignorant and had no right to say what he did. Personally i would have shrugged it off or did my best to embarrass the old goat. But that doesn't mean the "crime" or "sin" or however you wish describe it is acceptable. I remember being flashed at as a teenager, i was on my bike along the seafront. Some guy asked me the time and he had his cock out, wanking. Being the bolshy 16 year old that i was i shouted, "wanker, its sooo small i can't even see it" laughed and rode off. I still however reported it to the police, and had a good laugh about it with the officers at the station BUT as they so rightly said, firstly, it might have upset or frighten someone (i think i would have shit my pants if i hadn't been on my bike) and todays flasher could be tomorrows rapist. The fact that i wasn't upset by it didn't actually make it any less of a crime, so the fact that i couldn't give a fart if some old geezer comments on my tits doesn't make it any less an abusive comment really does it?

So am I blueskythinker. Poor OP.

Whenever someone brings up something like this there's always a load of folk piling in to tell them how they get over it etc.

Janos, you said "in a shop" like it was an additional aggravating factor. I was just pointing out that it wasn't.

And, at 46, I can remember a time when yes, women were expected to think that kind of comment was a compliment. I'm glad others haven't had to share that experience.

Sorry, how they 'should' get over it. Bad typing!

Hear hear LEM1.

Apparently it still goes on and girls do it too. It doesn't spell out the 'comments' but clearly sexual from context.

It has come to the attention of the college that some female students have been making comments to, or whistling at, the builders both whilst on site and as they walk around the campus.

"Although we are sure no offence is meant, this constitutes harassment and is wholly unacceptable.>>

Telegraph

In a shop, in the street.Whatever..
Really Onager?I thought past generations lived in 'a gentler time' and all that?I work with elderly people and I dont know any of them (except those with dementia) who would talk like this to anyone.(They are more likely to be racist,which is a generational thing I think in most cases) but pretty much all of them would balk at referring to a womans 'titties' in the street...and some of them are quite rough TBH)
And a wolf whistle is not quite the same thing as what happened to the OP today I dont think..Its not a direct comment about her body is it..I think thats trivialising it a bit..Im not saying its the worst thing in the world that happened to her.But it was quite horrid and upsetting to her.

I didn't say that though OLKN, it was the poster before me - I was quoting them.

Sorry if I misunderstood you, I thought you were belittling the OP when I can see that's not the case.

What a dirty old man.
I would report him, how dare he say that, esp in fron of your child?
I don't think a misuse of the word abuse deserves these nasty reactions

Sorry Janos, I realised you were quoting too late. I'm not trying to belittle anyone - I said in my first post (near the very beginning) that I could see the Op had found this a distressing exerience.

But I still don't think it's "sexual abuse", which has a fairly specific meaning these days, and imho requires physical contact at the very least. That it was abusive behaviour is undeniable, though, iyswim.

We had a woman in our department at work who was the "womans protection officer" or some similar sort of title that i can't remember. She got all on her high horse about builders commenting to the students. Personally i reckon she was just sour because they didn't comment on her, despite her breasts nearly popping out of her plunging neckline and wonder bra and skirt that doubled as a belt .

It does seem to be still "acceptable" in male working environments to make comments about women etc. My partner is a builder and has often come home and told me about some of the things his collegues have said about women walking past - its quite pathetic really. I always used to get comments but i enjoyed it. I do think that getting shouted at from guys on a scaffold working way up out of the way is less intimidating that recieving similar comments from someone face to face. That must have felt quite intimidating for the op.

Thats the thing isn't it. Sexual harrasment works both ways you know - a group of women and a sexy male worker - poor guy might as well be thrown to the lions. WHY this is accpetable is beyond me.

lucyellens mum
when i was 18 i worked in a diy shop on the till.we had a fancy dress day for charity and the theme was a pajama party. I borrowed a old fashioned nightie.(up to my neck down to my ankles kind of thing)whilst on the till a builder came through with his overall unzipped past his belly button and asked for a blowjob!
like you i was shocked but not upset and now find it highly amusing as it proves that most (most not all) men are in fact wankers!

op again yanbu if yo were upset it was your right to be upset. you had your child with you he was a fucking old perv that should have none better.you complaining to his work will teach him a lesson

I have reported some of bloomingfedup's more insulting posts to mumsnet.

At least for the moment she seems to have bloomingshutup.

Itbird - that does sound really unpleasant. Hope you get a result when you report the incident tomorrow

It was me that said 'in a shop' Onager..not that the shop itself was the mitigating circumstance but that it was a public place and the OP would have been there minding her own business in which context what happened might have had more shcok value then say if she were in a night club where everyone was drunk and more likely to be lairy IYSWIM? (It wouldnt be accceptable there either but it might be less unexpected?)

Scootini..that's my perception too.

Both of my Grandfathers were very "traditionalist", you know women should look nice and have dinner on the table for the man coming home, stay at home and look after the children etc.

But I can honestly say both of them would NEVER have made such a comment to a woman, in fact would have been horrified by it. No, I'm not kidding!

Neither would my Dad (60s)...and he was cast in much the same mould.

Actually this is beside the point which is that OP was upset by what was in fact an unpleasant comment and was entitled to be so.

poor op.she was angry used a slightly ott word but give her a break.she was upset by mans comment.
yes on great scale of things its not end of world but op is angry/upset.you cannot say that she cant feel that way.

Whether its intended as a compliment doesnt matter either - who the F does this old neanderthal think he is that he has the right to sexually comment on a woman, alone or in front of her children? Does she need to hear his disgust or approval? Shes walking down a public street- he can think what he likes but its still not acceptable to make her feel uncomfortable. Im sure a few of us here might pass an attractive chap in the street and think mmm! but would anyone reading this thread actually say something crude to him.(Serious question!)

Be honest - how many of us have not had this type of experience whether being looked at/letched over in a way that makes us uncomfortable, to sexual comments, critiques suggestions or propositions from complete strangers (and i'm DEFINATELY NOT saying that every man roams around doing these things, or that every compliment given is an evil harrassment but its common enought that if you asked your female freinds most of them could recount a similar story that made them feel uncomfortable.)

And why is it still prevalant - because its a subtle way to undermine a woman, the common response to these things is disgust, often fear of actual assault or worse, and most people back away from the situation - totally understandable. There is little or no comeback for the female concerned and we're all told to ignore it/see it as a compliment/dont fuss so much/at least it wasnt rape.

I dont know what the solution is - theres a minority of people, mostly men, behaving this way and I cant quite work out how were meant to change things. But arguing semantics and denigration the OP isnt going to help.

I find it fascinating that women are so forgiving of sexist abuse and so keen to excuse men. If the OP had been verbally racially abused, would people be telling her that she shouldn't be upset and it wasn't like she was lynched or anything? I know it's a poor comparison, but I can't think of anything else right now.

I have never reported a 'hate crime', but I am sorely tempted now. I wonder what would happen if we all started.