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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect to wak to my local shop without being sexually abused by some old t*sser?

182 replies

itbird · 30/09/2008 19:02

just now was walking along with my ds 4 and this old git gets out of his van and looks me up and down and says 'nice titties girl' i was dumbfounded - bearing in mind i was wearing a jacket and a scarf around my neck and my 'titties' were not visible unless he was wearing x-ray specs of course . clocked the name of the firm on the van and will be calling them in the morning to complain!!! how rude of him to make me embarrassed like that - i went a deep shade of red with the shock of it as i do have a thing about my chest in so much i have spent my entire life sort of hiding them as they are big in realtion to the rest of my body and i feel so concious of them - horrible pervy old git !!

OP posts:
ScottishMummy · 30/09/2008 22:35

curious thread!picking over the syntax of op rather than musing over the upsetting incident

does one need to be grammatically/situationally correct when upset and exasperated?

onager · 30/09/2008 22:37

I started off feeling sympathy for the OP and still do a bit. Clearly she is a bit self conscious and this made her feel bad. I can understand that.

It would have been ok to say "there, there, it's over now!" but all the hate crime/sexual abuse thing had to be countered because it was no such thing.

I'm surprised to hear that I was more right than I thought and these comments still go on. I thought the PC generation had killed it.

Like I said to begin with I always did think it rude to make sexual comments to strangers, but everyone else thought it was 'just a bit of fun' and it seems many still do. It's not an attack at all.

Janos · 30/09/2008 22:39

Really good posts pingiver and wahwah.

It's not OP's fault. She is entitled to be upset. And if she wants to make a complaint then good for her not just putting up with it.

bloomingfedup · 30/09/2008 22:42

What a snitch. I am entitled to my opinion. The OP was not abused. Get over it. I am deeply offended that she would belittle REAL abuse by using these words. And I won't bloomingshutup.

Grumpalina · 30/09/2008 22:43

wahwah:Please read the defintion of 'hate crime' which you so helpfully posted. The male clearly did not make his comment becuase of his hatred of women. OP has been upset by it (I have had similar incidents 'eg 'cor! look at thetits on that') and it is unpleasant and offensive not motivated by hatred and quite possibly the opposite.

Janos · 30/09/2008 22:43

OP didn't think it was a compliment or a bit of fun onager that's why she started the thread.

Really, why is that so hard to understand?

cluelessnchaos · 30/09/2008 22:46

bloominfedup can you not accept that OP felt abused?

bloomingfedup · 30/09/2008 22:46

And really if you are looking for understanding AIBU is not the place to get it, you are asking the question.

Janos · 30/09/2008 22:49

Obviously you are aware of this mans thought processes Grumpalina.

Are you pyschic, and if so what are the winning lottery numbers?

bloomingfedup · 30/09/2008 22:49

clue

I'm not sure. Prehaps A) she did feel abused or B) she is a drama queen. She may feel it but was not abused.

megandtyler · 30/09/2008 22:51

she was asking if it was unreasonable to walk to the shop with her four year old without getting abuse. she wasn't asking if her terminology was unreasonable.
i think you need counselling bloomingfedup

bloomingfedup · 30/09/2008 22:52

But she was'nt abused. I think you need to learn to read.

Grumpalina · 30/09/2008 22:52

Janus. I don't need to be a mind reader. 'Nice tities, girl,' can hardly be interpreted as 'I hate you'.

cheesesarnie · 30/09/2008 22:53

ffs bloomingfedupyou have no right to say how someone is allowed to feel.

theSuburbanDryad · 30/09/2008 22:53

bfu - have lurked on this thread from the start and just wish to say that it is not up to you to define what the OP felt was abuse and what she did not.

She clearly felt threatened and harassed. She felt abused. The fact that you - and many others unfortunately - have gone through worse should not belittle her feelings.

Having said that - imo the OP should not think of herself as a victim. It gives people like this too much power.

ScottishMummy · 30/09/2008 22:54

will you be so willing to accept that rationale next time you get an AIBU pasting

this has digressed into an angst discussion over what OP wrote and the appropriateness/ideological basis of her syntax

missing the point she was upset
an ole git made an unwarranted comment

her subjective feelings/experience. you may not agree as such.but that does not lessen the impact it had upon itbird

megandtyler · 30/09/2008 22:55

you need to calm down blooming fed up

people are allowed not to agree with you you know

Janos · 30/09/2008 22:56

Blimey bloomingfedup why so rude tonight?

You have been pretty nasty to OP, who was obviously distressed.

Maybve her terminology wasn't 'ideal' but don't see how it warrants such a strong response.

bloomingfedup · 30/09/2008 22:56

Megan

Are they also allowed to tell me I need councilling.

theSuburbanDryad · 30/09/2008 22:56

Grumpalina - I do think, actually, that a comment like "Nice titties, girl," could definitely be construed as a lack of respect and general disregard for women as people though.

cluelessnchaos · 30/09/2008 22:56

Do you know I had a conversation with my brother tonight that consisted of him telling me after 30 years that he was abused as a child by the same man that abused me, I didnt need an indepth description of what the abuse was because I suffered it too, I at no point related what the OP said to what I suffered or what my brother suffered.. I can accept that the OP felt terrible after being treated in a terrible way, no i dont think she will need the counselling that my brother is finally getting to get over it but I dont think she will need a flaming about her choice of language either. I think it is really sad that women are quicker to criticise than to support.

Janos · 30/09/2008 23:00

You mean 'Nice titties' Grumpalina - and it's Janos btw.

Maybe you're right and it was a charming expression of admiration for an attractive woman. But there are a million better ways to express it, no?

pingviner · 30/09/2008 23:01

Whether its motivated by hate, admiration, lust or any other emotion you care to insert actually such comments are about dominance - he is exerting his ability to make her uncomfortable, he is exerting a percived right that his sexual attractedness to any woman is important and that she should care for or react to his expressions of approval/disapproval of her, (and of course part of these situations is always underlaid with fear - because she has no way of knowing whether he will back this comment up with physical strength)

Why? because she happens to be obviously female, in possession of breasts and in a public place?

Whats in it for him? I have no idea! but ultimately the person with the problem is this man who feels a need to try and exert power over or provoke a reaction from a compete stranger.

megandtyler · 30/09/2008 23:02

i apologise for that comment blooming but it wasn't meant to be flip or degrogatory.

bloomingfedup · 30/09/2008 23:02

I'm hiding this thread. FGS - if you ask for an opinion expect an honest answer. When I was in my early 20's - it was the norm to be spoken to like that. I don't agree that it is appropriate - but this post is so far over top.Bye.