Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect to wak to my local shop without being sexually abused by some old t*sser?

182 replies

itbird · 30/09/2008 19:02

just now was walking along with my ds 4 and this old git gets out of his van and looks me up and down and says 'nice titties girl' i was dumbfounded - bearing in mind i was wearing a jacket and a scarf around my neck and my 'titties' were not visible unless he was wearing x-ray specs of course . clocked the name of the firm on the van and will be calling them in the morning to complain!!! how rude of him to make me embarrassed like that - i went a deep shade of red with the shock of it as i do have a thing about my chest in so much i have spent my entire life sort of hiding them as they are big in realtion to the rest of my body and i feel so concious of them - horrible pervy old git !!

OP posts:
wahwah · 30/09/2008 20:16

Have to stand up for OP here. She was verbally abused and the abuse was sexual in nature. It was completely unacceptable and just because it doesn't correspond to some unknown standard such as she being raped by her uncle when she was 5, doesn't mean she can't call it sexual abuse imho.

Janos · 30/09/2008 20:25

Oh you are right to complain itgirl

Creepy old wanker, I hate this shite. And there's something really gross about grown men using the word 'titties' anyway. Bleurgh.

janeite · 30/09/2008 20:30

Yes, it's horrible. BUT whatever it's called, it doesn't justify the OP being rude to people on here.

Janos · 30/09/2008 20:31

Hey bloomingfedup your comment is nasty.

I've been abused. And yes it was 'really bad' for anyone who hs a little chart in their head of what 'counts' as abuse.

These comments (by creepy old man) are unpleasant IMO and if OP is upset about it then she's upset!

It's not a pissing contest about whose expeperience was 'worse'.

Oh yeah, and what LEM1 said.

pingviner · 30/09/2008 20:32

the exact definition of whether its abuse/ harrassment is missing the point - she was in a public place, and a complete stranger felt it appropriate to make a sexually loaded comment to her - which is totally inappropriate and upsetting behaviour and she has a right to feel upset and angry about this. Saying - thats not abuse, he didnt grope/assault/rape her and arguing over who has more right to be traumatised detracts from the main issue- its not her who has the problem.
The man who felt it acceptable to speak to her in this way has the same attitudes and justifications as those involved in physical/sexual assaults- seeing her as an object that he's entitled to have a sexual opinion/perspective on and its his behaviour we should be concentrating on

wahwah · 30/09/2008 20:35

Completely agree, Pingviner.

Thought about my post and realised it might be a tad insensitive, so I do apologise if anyone found it so...

Janos · 30/09/2008 20:37

I guess so janite but I think she was a bit distressed when she posted and maybe a bit defensive?

It does annoy me when folk pile in to say 'you are daft for being offended'. That's not fair.

Anyway OP you are not silly or anything else to be offended and upset. Hope you're ok. He's just a pathetic old loser. Don't give him any more head space.

And it you want to complain - do.

cluelessnchaos · 30/09/2008 20:38

Geez, so much for bloody female solidarity, some old manny gets his rocks off and we all miss the point and start taking potshots at each other, of course op is upset by what happened of course she doesnt feel as bad as someone who has received continued sexual abuse, but does feel like she has been abused, all relative.

frankbestfriend · 30/09/2008 21:04

Report the dirty beast.

The OP was clearly not attempting to trivialise anyone elses experience of sexual abuse.
Can't believe how unsupportive some people are, get over yourselves and stop bashing the OP.

anyfucker · 30/09/2008 21:08

didn't the Op say her 4 yr old dc was with her at the time ?

what a fucking dirty old bastard

report him

or send your dh/dp/best mate round to twat him,its all these nobheads understand

ok, scrub the last sentence

wahwah · 30/09/2008 21:15

It meets the definition of a hate crime, (I think) so worth reporting to the Police too.

bloomingfedup · 30/09/2008 21:20

Talk about over reaction.

wahwah · 30/09/2008 21:21

what yours? Yes, it was.

bloomingfedup · 30/09/2008 21:22

True to MN style.

frankbestfriend · 30/09/2008 21:26

bloomingfedup you are so rude.

She was upset and embarrased in front of her 4yo. The bloke was a knob.

Why are you trying to belittle her? Does she not meet your criteria for sympathy? Perhaps if he had grabbed her 'titties' you might deem it worthy.

Bitchy,bitchy,bitchy

CrushWithEyeliner · 30/09/2008 21:27

you were not being sexually abused here.

bloomingfedup · 30/09/2008 21:27
wahwah · 30/09/2008 21:31

Well, when you some back why not consider a little empathy. It's not the same as arse kissing. I really enjoy the reading the cut and thrust here, but you went too far and if you can't see that, then help might be required.

onager · 30/09/2008 21:31

Hate crime? sexual abuse? Report it to the police? oh ffs!

It was a compliment by someone from a time when it was acceptable. I've personally always thought it a bit rude, but it was not in the least unusual.

pieandpeas · 30/09/2008 21:32

It is not abuse.

pieandpeas · 30/09/2008 21:34

I would have been slightly put out and flustered then forgot about it. The world has gone mad.

Ronaldinhio · 30/09/2008 21:38

I'm constantly amazed at the definite beliefs at what is abuse and what is not...who gives who the right to decide or comment?
Either the op used a poor choice of words or she genuinely felt it was abusive. It does not denegrate or define anyone else's situation.
I think we degrade ourselves as right thinking women by some of our judgemental behaviour about these issues.
Shame on you for that.
OP YANBU

Janos · 30/09/2008 21:39

How many times..OP was upset..

YOU might not be upset.

OP WAS UPSET

How is it that people can't get that? It's not bloody rocket science!

"It was a compliment by someone from a time when it was acceptable."

Has it ever been acceptable?

My father is 60 plus and I will be honest, something of an old sexist. He'd cheerfully admit this himself! He would NEVER talk to a woman like that in public, especially not one with a small child.

Janos · 30/09/2008 21:42

Very well put Ronaldihinio.

TheGreatScootini · 30/09/2008 21:43

Hang on..When and where was the time it was ever acceptable to say something like that to someone you dont know, in front of their child, in a shop?

OK it wasnt sexual abuse in the dictionary definition sense of the word.But it was verbal abuse.And it upset the OP (she may have reasons of her own for how upset she got, which mayeven have included abuse in her past, or sustained bullying of a similar nature for all we know)

If it were a racial insult that had been yelled at her everyone would be up in arms.And rightly so.Why is this different?

It wouldnt bother me at all.But I dont think it would be acceptable either.And obv it did bother the OP so a bit of sympathy is surely in order, not a row about the semantics of her post..