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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect to wak to my local shop without being sexually abused by some old t*sser?

182 replies

itbird · 30/09/2008 19:02

just now was walking along with my ds 4 and this old git gets out of his van and looks me up and down and says 'nice titties girl' i was dumbfounded - bearing in mind i was wearing a jacket and a scarf around my neck and my 'titties' were not visible unless he was wearing x-ray specs of course . clocked the name of the firm on the van and will be calling them in the morning to complain!!! how rude of him to make me embarrassed like that - i went a deep shade of red with the shock of it as i do have a thing about my chest in so much i have spent my entire life sort of hiding them as they are big in realtion to the rest of my body and i feel so concious of them - horrible pervy old git !!

OP posts:
theSuburbanDryad · 30/09/2008 23:03

Excellent post, pingviner.

StayFrosty · 30/09/2008 23:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ScottishMummy · 30/09/2008 23:06

how interesting BfedUp you seek immediate redress for your hurt feeling with scant regard to ItBird feelings

in fact your wee quip was

"And really if you are looking for understanding AIBU is not the place to get it, you are asking the question"

A-ha so ok to tell it as it is about someone else, not you though

straight to the i am angry face

Grumpalina · 30/09/2008 23:10

Janos&SD:Toatally agree with both of you. Total lack of respect and demeaning also. As I have said simialr things have been said to me. IMO no male should be commenting on my breasts unless we're in an intimate relationship. Just pointing out does not fit defintion of hate crime.

StayFrosty · 30/09/2008 23:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LittleBella · 30/09/2008 23:18

bloomingfedup also said "that is probably the most attention she gets."

And as soon as people start challenging her on her disgusting posts, she's out of the kitchen.

Pingviner's posts have been excellent about this. Of course it's a hate crime. Out of the blue, this bloke makes a disgusting, aggressive comment about this woman's body. In front of her child. She is even more vulnerable in charge of her young child, than she is alone. It is an act of pure aggression. Those of you who think this was ever socially acceptable behaviour, are misinformed. It would never have been acceptable to make such a vulgar comment to an unknown woman in the street, when she was with her child. Such behaviour has always been an aggressive, hostile act, with the implicit threat of rape behind it. If you can't see that, you're in deep denial.

StayFrosty · 30/09/2008 23:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

megandtyler · 30/09/2008 23:24

totally agree with you little bella

Grumpalina · 30/09/2008 23:25

OMG this thread has really lost the plot. I was sympathetic to OP. What happened was clearly upsetting offensive etc etc. Yes male said it becuase he has no repsect, does not see women as equals etc etc. but it is not a hate crime in anyway shape or form.

I can't be bothered with this anymore. i think you're all mad!!

SqueakyPop · 30/09/2008 23:25

so you weren't actually sexually abused (this is in response to the op). Wolf whistles by workmen are completely normal. If you don't get them, you have something to worry about.

StayFrosty · 30/09/2008 23:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LittleBella · 30/09/2008 23:37

Leaving aside your stupid comment about wolf whistles being normal, this wasn't a wolf whistle.

It was a sexual threat. In front of a child.

No decent man makes comments like that to a woman he doesn't know. Would your father? Would your husband? Would your son? Would you be proud of him if he did? What do you think his motive would be?

Threatening behaviour on grounds of sex, race, sexual orientation, disability etc., is defined as a hate crime.

You might not like it (I personally don't myself, I think people's actions should be subject to the law, not their motives) but there it is. It's in the statute book.

blueskythinker · 30/09/2008 23:46

By bloomingfedup on Tue 30-Sep-08 22:46:51
And really if you are looking for understanding AIBU is not the place to get it, you are asking the question.

Does that mean, because the OP posted in AIBU, she was 'asking' for your abuse? (and it is ironic, that in all your ranting about being the victim of abuse Bloomingfedup, you have been pretty abusive to the OP.)

scaredoflove · 30/09/2008 23:47

I used to love getting whistles and comments, doesn't happen now as I'm fat and old

blueskythinker · 30/09/2008 23:49

Itbird, please let us know the outcome of your complaint to this man's employer.

StayFrosty · 30/09/2008 23:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LittleBella · 30/09/2008 23:54

I honestly feel sorry for those of you who actually receive a boost to your ego when some semi-literate pillock notices you are female and communicates the fact to you in a rudimentary manner.

Do you honestly think the mercifully endangered species of builder-bird notices the difference between one cunt and another? Because if so, you are utterly deluded. The only thing he's noticed about you, is that you aren't a builder and therefore require some kind of aggressive territorial display. The whistles aren't about you, they're about him.

Lurkinaround · 30/09/2008 23:59

Anybody who feels flattered or that 'it's just a bit of fun' when men make unwarranted comments, like the OP was subject to, must have serious self-esteem issues.

Sickening when people think it's funny and that any woman who objects is just jealous/ugly/frigid or whatever.

scaredoflove · 01/10/2008 00:02

and go out on a girls night out and listen to some of comments made about and to the men

Not just crude men, women are just as bad

I worked in an all male environment for many years, much prefered working alongside them than now alongside women. The women are much much worse

Mumi · 01/10/2008 00:12

Can empathise. Walking round the corner after dropping DS off at school yesterday, I was promptly greeted by a lad with "Alright gorgeous, gash out then! You'd be up for that wouldn't you love?"

muggglewump · 01/10/2008 00:15

OMG. I am truly scared by this thread.

I'm now not sure whether to be flattered by a wolf whistle/tits comment, or whether to think its a hate crime and I'm being abused.

I'd always thought to just ignore it and carry on, but clearly I'm letting some huge criminal go free!

Again, scared by this thread.

StayFrosty · 01/10/2008 00:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ladymariner · 01/10/2008 00:30

I too am a little disturbed by this thread. Whenever I've recieved comments like that (and having big breasts I have had a few ) I've been offended, hurt and bloody angry but I have never felt abused. I've tended to either ignore totally, or look them up and down with my best Miss-Jean-Brodie stare, or if its PMT week told them to fuck off.

However, I do understand why the OP is upset, it's not nice and its totally unreasonable to be expected to "laugh it off". Sod that. Although I also think reporting it to the police is a little extreme.

ladymariner · 01/10/2008 00:31

But if I'd had Mumi's comment then I really would have gone skyward. That, I think, really is menacing and that would probably have scared me.

onebatmother · 01/10/2008 00:55

what LittleBella says. Absofreakinglutely.