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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that six months french exchange is too long for a 9/10 yr old?

120 replies

northernrefugee39 · 29/09/2008 12:10

Old, good friends of ours did this with their daughter. She was 10, and went to France for six months. they were allowed one phone call once a week, no emails I don't think, but letters.
She had her birthday and Christmas with the French family.
It's done through an organistation, a sort of total immmersion learning the language thing.
My friend as three dd's, and this one is the least confident- she did it to help her confidence.
I don't actually think it's harmed her, but I'm not sure she's even more confident.,
The French girl who came back as the exchange counterpart was 9. My friend's family didn't like her .... they came to stay with us in the summer, and my heart went out to her.
They weren't overtly horrid or anything, but she obviously lacked family warmth, hugs and comfort. At night, she was tossing and turning, 'cos I went up to check on them, thought they were walking around, but it was her, obviously having vivid dreams.

OP posts:
Buda · 29/09/2008 12:11

God - sounds horrendous.

MaloryDontDiveItsShallow · 29/09/2008 12:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
northernrefugee39 · 29/09/2008 12:13

So it's not just me being pathetically over protective then?
I mean- even people who send their kids to boarding school see them every month or so don't they?

OP posts:
solo · 29/09/2008 12:13

That's far too long IMO. My Ds is 10, he'd be very home sick

fatzak · 29/09/2008 12:14

6 months I hated my year out in France when I was 21, never mind at 10. That is such a long time to be away from home

Flamesparrow · 29/09/2008 12:14

SIX MONTHS?!?!!??!

No-one is having my child for 6 months until they start uni.

Original poster
northernrefugee39 · 29/09/2008 12:15

I thought 6 months was a bit over the top.
I didn't really know what to say. My friend knew I was shocked.

OP posts:
poppy34 · 29/09/2008 12:15

6 months !! my god - I remember crying my eyes out abotu going to brownie camp for 3 days at that age

Lauriefairycake · 29/09/2008 12:16

I think the same about this as I do about boarding schools - bordering on neglect and not in the child's interests.

Original poster
northernrefugee39 · 29/09/2008 12:16

tbh, she doesn't seem damaged by it, but then you can't tell.
i imagine the therapy sessions when she's 20 " Why me? Why didn't you send my sisters?"

OP posts:
Original poster
northernrefugee39 · 29/09/2008 12:18

So, anyway, her kids are very independent, out for themselves, go getting.
And now this one can speak fluent French.
That's how she sees it.

OP posts:
Lauriefairycake · 29/09/2008 12:19

of course they're 'independant' - they have no secure base to trust

ELR · 29/09/2008 12:20

6 weeks would be too long!!

rookiemater · 29/09/2008 12:21

6 months is absolutely ridiculous length of time for a 10 yr old to be away from her parents just to learn a language. It seems bizarre to me as if the parents just don't want her around.

rookiemater · 29/09/2008 12:22

Ooh Ooh I never get a chance to say this, so think I should use it now - It does make you wonder why some people bother having children.

Original poster
northernrefugee39 · 29/09/2008 12:22

Laurie- i agree with you totally, and when i stared the thread, i knew most mumsnetters would be shocked.
But this friend, she is a good mother, really. In every other way.
She sees this as giving them something, as helping them;
The old premise that our duty as parents is to help our kids grow and be happy apart from us.

But , like I think you think too, they need the security in the first place, and something le this could back fire.

OP posts:
Original poster
northernrefugee39 · 29/09/2008 12:24

rokie- she is a great parent- their whole life revolves around doing stuff for their kids etc etc... so I was amazed they did this tbh

OP posts:
Original poster
northernrefugee39 · 29/09/2008 12:25

rookie

OP posts:
Lauriefairycake · 29/09/2008 12:26

exactly northern- you gradually move towards some sort of independance around 18 - not push 'em out the door at ten for six months

I agree that our duty is to help them grow and develop internal happiness and security - just not at 10

falcon · 29/09/2008 12:26

YANBU. Under no circumstances would I allow it. 2 weeks at the very most and then only if they pleaded incessantly and they knew they could come back early.

6 months is insane imo, the child will have changed so much in that time and think of all the things they'll miss out on.

The leader of that organisation ought to be shot for thinking of children of that age being away for such a long time.

mummyclare · 29/09/2008 12:28

That is way worse than boarding school. At boarding school everyonr speaks your language, the other kids are in the same boat as you and you do see your parents a bit. Horrific. I thought brownies was bad enough then too!

frogs · 29/09/2008 12:29

Is it this organisation? I'm intrigued by the idea, but agree 6 months at a stretch is mad. My dc would be happy to go for a fortnight, but I've been unable to find an organisation that offers that for primary age children.

pinkspottywellies · 29/09/2008 12:30

Oh my God. I clicked on this cause I assumed months was an error and I wanted to find out how long you actually meant for a 9/10 year old - I still would have thought 6 weeks was too long but I might have thought you were being a bit wet over 6 days!

But 6 months

Original poster
northernrefugee39 · 29/09/2008 12:33

falcon, - that was what I wondered about- that there actually is an organisation which profits from this. Will try to remember what it's called, so you can shoot it

And as to the missing things, there were a few occasions when they were with us, and had to make the weeklt phone call, but weren't allowed to say where they were.

Laurie- yes- the gradual thing is important. And obviously the type of kid. Mine are so different, that what's right for one wouldn't be for the others.
Which to be fair is what my friend was thinking- although this dd is her least confident so she says.

OP posts:
falcon · 29/09/2008 12:36

Please do.I'd take great pleasure in shooting anyone who wishes to profit from making people believe that 6 months separation from their kids is a good thing.

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