to think that six months french exchange is too long for a 9/10 yr old?

[northernrefugee39]

Old, good friends of ours did this with their daughter. She was 10, and went to France for six months. they were allowed one phone call once a week, no emails I don't think, but letters.
She had her birthday and Christmas with the French family.
It's done through an organistation, a sort of total immmersion learning the language thing.
My friend as three dd's, and this one is the least confident- she did it to help her confidence.
I don't actually think it's harmed her, but I'm not sure she's even more confident.,
The French girl who came back as the exchange counterpart was 9. My friend's family didn't like her .... they came to stay with us in the summer, and my heart went out to her.
They weren't overtly horrid or anything, but she obviously lacked family warmth, hugs and comfort. At night, she was tossing and turning, 'cos I went up to check on them, thought they were walking around, but it was her, obviously having vivid dreams.

I do think 6 months is a long sentence - with no time off for good behaviour? or no chance of parole? - it's too tough.

I used to go and learn Irish in an Irish speaking part of Ireland, for one month every summer when I was a teen. If we spoke any English, or any language other than Irish we were sent home immediately, no time to say goodbye to our friends, or to pack or anything (they sent your stuff on the train). If we broke our leg, we had to cry in Irish. No phone calls, no visits, only letters, and then in Irish.

It really was barbaric, and I lost a lot of weight with the stress of it - but in the end I was fluent in Irish.

but the cost was too high. And there were a lot of things I needed support for but didn't have the language to articulate, (needing my inhalers etc) so I would never send my DD away, as I've been there and it was just ridiculously tough. I felt it was like a brainwashing total immersion cult.

PPH that sounds much better esp when the students are all together and parental visits are encouraged: less like a French Cult!

This organisation is non-profit and made up of exchange parents who have previously completed and exchange.

By the looks of it they are like-minded families who all think this is ok.

I'd be alarmed that the OP's friends DD ended up with such a strict family after all the form-filling etc. It also seems very cruel to limit the contact so much.

I wouldn't agree to DD doing this in a million years but I'm sure some children would thrive.

I'm mainly heard horror stories about French exchanges, and these are all from 16 year olds, so I've always been a bit . I'd let a child do 2 weeks but no more. They always seem to end up in fag-filled grimy Parisian apartments with an insane family who makes them eat dog scraps and Gauloises.

""Most social workers haven't been involved in something like this before and are often very interested"
(from the ws)
interested???? I expect they would be! Whole thing sounds appalling, for a start I'd like to know what the CP culture was like in France and Germany."

sorry to quote you there madlentileater - just wanted to point out that corporal punishment of children in any shape or form is illegal in Germany and there's no culture of smacked bottoms/hands like there is in the UK.

Bit busy with work
Thanks for all the replies pro and against,; I knew most would be hoffified; and the same thing that hoffied me too- the length of time and the no contact " to make it easier".
it just means they shut down I suppose, and bottle up the sad/missing home feelings.

Sounds awful. I did a three week french exchange when I was 13 and that was long enough.

na, the one I know was 9-10 when he did it - it was before Y6 anyway, because he had grammar school exam to do then so they did it beforehand. Maybe he went out there Sept-Feb of Y5 & the French boy came back here Mar-Sep? Something like that.

He was fluent anyway, took GCSE early, & went on to do a degree which included French so he had a year there in the middle of it.

I will try to find the organisation concerned - un moment!

It was ALLEF

He was always a very mature & confident boy & coped very well, but his sister is different & would have hated it.

Oh, here you go - it's this one (I didn't know that was on there)

It is too long. My DS did a week in year 8. He enjoyed it but he was very pleased to talk to us on the phone in the evening, just to speak English. We enjoyed having the French boy but it was hard work and I was ready for him to go by the end of the week, just so that we could relax. They may be good at French after 6 months but I would doubt whether the emotional cost was worth it.

geeekgirl, I wasn't casting aspersions on continental parenting- by cp I meant child protection, ie would they have a system similar to CRB whereby you could check soemone had no history of offences against children. Because this would look like a great scheme for an abuser.
sorry.

There is no CP culture in France afaik - a couple of years ago DS1 stayed with a MNer in France when he was 18, & was employed both as a helper with primary-aged children's football training (unpaid)& for after-school care of 2 boys aged about 8 & 4 (paid), & there was no question of anything like CRB checks - I was a bit surprised at the time.

OTOH I've no idea whether there is anything like the level of paedophile activity in France that there apparently is here?

Can't see why it would be any different to here.
Things have changed pretty fast here, if you think about it. They may be where we were 15 yrs ago.

I don't think there's actually more paedophile activity in Britain than there is elsewhere in Western Europe (sadly). Though I don't think there's as much as we sometimes are led to believe by the media. WIth the possible exception of internet child pornography (gag).

Remember Belgium and Austria?

My son did a six month exchange to France when he was 10 and , although it was hard at first, he is happy he went and speaks fluently. The organization he went through is www.enfamille.com. It is non profit and the director comes to the US once per year to interview students who might want to go. Personally, I highly reccommend it.

I couldn't stand the thought of someone else spending 6mths of my child's life with them.

Also, if I'm honest, I wouldn't want to have someone else's child in my home for 6mths either.

Oh my word. 6 MONTHS!!

I think that 6 weeks would be pushing it! Surely a fortnight (at most) would do.

I wen on an exchange trip at the age of 14 for a week and it seemed a very long time.

My now DH did 6 months in France at the age of 19 and is fluent, why go at the age of 10?

You can't learn a language, or a culture, in less than 6 months, and the earlier you do it the easier it is. My 3 have all done six month exchanges with ALLEF, the 2 older ones to France and the youngest to Germany, when they were each about 10, and the two older ones have done second exchanges at the age of thirteen, to Germany, while the youngest is looking forward to going to France when she is 13. They all had a brilliant time, and we had - and continue to have - the huge pleasure of welcoming their French and German brothers and sisters into our family. It's not just about the languages (though it's nice they are all fluent) it's about learning to appreciate diversity, in culture, food, education, etc. It's about gaining some independence, in a safe environment, living with another family who will look after them. It's not for all children: they need some self confidence to start with, though they will gain more. They need to be openminded, adventurous, outgoing, tolerant, flexible - and all these traits are enhanced by the experience. If that sounds like your child - and you - try www.Allef.org

Wow really good way of advertising there alefmum. You know there is a media section were you pay £30 to advertise.

justunaccomplishedmummy you put that so much better than I would have done . Whos she kidding LOL