to get fed up with people that dump their kids at parties

[pickupthismess]

Went to birthday party today (age 4) and like a mug/good parent stayed with DS. Only two other mums stayed and about 12 disappeared. It was left to us 'responsible' parents to make sure all the kids had something to eat on their plate, stop them fighting, take them to the loo etc.

Why do parents expect that the party host can serve food, run games and manage their LO? and why should I have to take my eye of my DS to watch children I don't even know

It seems to be that most of the 'Oh I don't want parents to stay' people are those who have children's parties at thier own home.

I'm not sure how parents staying at a venue particularly a soft play one (oh the horror!!) would annoy or get in the way of a host in any way.

Actually I quite like staying at children's parties I like helping out, talking and sometimes playing with the children. I don't particularly like being the host as that puts me in the position of being responsible for all of them but as someone who has no responsibility for how the party turns out I like getting involved. I appreciate that makes me unusual and probaly also marks me out as the parent of only one [grin. I like the feeling of controlled chaos of children's parties, we get very little of that in our small nuclear family of 3.

I also assume that parents who stay have volunteered themselves as a general helper, I know I always do.

When I was little, an invite to a friends birthday party was an opportunity for me to get away from my family - even if it was only for a couple of hours.
If the invite is to the child, then I would expect that parents/carers are not to stay.
If the invite is to the family, then parent/carer and siblings are all invited to stay - if they wish. If the party organiser expects someone to stay, then I feel they should put that clearly on the invite.

I feel the party organiser is responsible for the all children who are invited to the party. It is up to them to arrange for a sufficient number of other adults to be present.

Compo,see my last post re soft play.

Basically I do tend to stay at those as they are a free for all, with loads of other kids there, not just party kids.

I tend to leave them at more organisde structured events, but always check with host first.

Also agree about wine.

When offered at kids aprties I always think 'why do you think I want to drink wine at 4 in the aftrenoon?' I have to drive home and then put them to bed and then I'll have wine.

Most poele don't drink much/often in the day I don't think. It's an after the kids traet.

I ask if they want me to stay - usually they don't. If my child is invited to a party and the invite implicitly includes me, I'd have to decline many of them as I simply don't have time to sit in a hall for 2 hrs every weekend. Sorry. And if my DH is working, would the invitation include me 2 older DCs as well? Difficult if not.

When DS#1 was 4 we had a party at a small soft play place. All the mums stoppped and when the children at, the mums stationed themselves behind their own children and served them, corrected their manners, and complained to me that their children didn't really like X & Y, did I have any Z . Would have been great if they'd helped generally but they didn't. It was horrible. I find that children behave better without mum's hovering.

Yes, I've found that children often get on better without their parents hovering over them.

I always make sure that we have enough adult helpers to ensure that the children are safe and (as best we can manage it) happy. It can be very wearing when parents who you assume will skedaddle then hang around, obviously expecting to be fed and entertained when you've got party games to organise, drinks and food to serve etc etc. I'm always glad when parents who are also my friends stay to chat and help, but even then I have found that the helping often means sticking to their child like a stamp to a letter - I've even had one mummy joining in pass the parcel!

Have to agree about staying at "public" places like soft play. Went to a soft play party 2 years ago where a child went missing. Was not noticed till the parent arrived at the end to collect her.
Sounds simple but some parents do not do a head count etc and overlook some guests (esp as on the day there were some who didnt turn up, some extra siblings whose parents paid the entrance for them to join the soft play etc).
Luckily the missing child did turn up (long story). She couldnt find the party room or any of the other guests (the party room was upstairs) and was crying and had tried to go home. I was horrified at the whole situation and vowed I would never leave my child at such a place for a party.

LOL re the prissy attitude to wine!

It was 5.30pm on a sunny Sunday. Actually a large number of the invitees live within walking distance, so the idea of popping round the corner to pick up a child and have a cold glass of wine is quite a nice one, I feel. It wasn't, like, a full-on session or anything - it's quite possible to have a single glass of nice cold wine, it's even quite civilised

(I work full time so don't really get to meet the other parents in DD's class v often, hence the invitation. Enid, re the extension, I worked on the basis that as their parents were standing there on the terrace drinking while the children were running round the garden it was really up to them to keep them under control!)

Ahhhh, well if it's sunny that is different!!!

Genuinely.

The sun makes me want to drink. and have sex. usually in that order.

I love the sun.

You don't have to get slaughtered you can have one spritz or a pimms.. how dour !!

My mum got my brothers friends pissed on pommaine on his 5th birthday, being from Switzerland she thought it was fizzy apple juice.. the parents left, and when they came to collect their kids they were displeased ..

mumnosbest - will most of his friends already be 4 or will most still be 3?

oh and is cider also declasse? cos that is what i would serve. i luuuuuuuuurve cider

I think it depends on your DC.If they are confident at being left,and capable of helping themselves,or asking for help,then I don't think its necessary to stay.If not,and your are also worried then you stay.

Its all part of growing up and becoming independant IMO,teaching your children the skills to cope with this is essential,and the sooner the better.

But there is always exceptions to the rule,and some children never cope well at parties,you know your own child.

I see this thread is still going strong

Cory - I did not volunteer to help. I came to watch DS1 and his 2 year old brother. Of the three mums who stayed one watched her 2 yr old only and took her home early. The hostess and her friend were in the kitchen or trying to run games. I hardly knew the hostess.

That left two of us (one heavily pregnant I might add) with way more than 12 kids to watch, toilet, help feed, intervene with fighting etc. All the time watching DS2 to stop him getting battered. We weren't asked to and to be honest I don't think the hostess could care less if we watched them or not because she was already pissed off that all the parents had gone. When I said one (greedy) little madam had run out of food she said 'tough'. But we felt we had to be responsible adults.

I DON'T want to watch any other kids let alone loads of them. Talked about this in the playground today and everyone was in agreement with me even one of the mums who dropped and ran. She just said that her little boy was tough enough (which he is) and so wasn't worried. As I remember he stole a fairy's wand and hit another kid with it.

PS I didn't get any food either (which is good actually as I am on Columbos dieting thread!) or wine

pickup - so were most of the kids 3 or 4?

took my 3 (2, 4 and 5) to a 4th bday party at the w/end. at a soft play place. hadnt occured to me to leave them. seems a bit much, leaving 3 little darlings for someone else to take care of... but i spose the eldest and poss middle one are at age for leaving pretty much... suits me - am CRAP at smalltalk!