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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to get fed up with people that dump their kids at parties

142 replies

pickupthismess · 27/09/2008 23:08

Went to birthday party today (age 4) and like a mug/good parent stayed with DS. Only two other mums stayed and about 12 disappeared. It was left to us 'responsible' parents to make sure all the kids had something to eat on their plate, stop them fighting, take them to the loo etc.

Why do parents expect that the party host can serve food, run games and manage their LO? and why should I have to take my eye of my DS to watch children I don't even know

OP posts:
DrHorrible · 28/09/2008 10:57

I check what the parent organising wants.

misdee · 28/09/2008 10:59

i dont expect parents to stay after the age of 3 tbh. i ask for some friends/family to help out so enough people to keep an eye on the kids, and the other parents left.

bran · 28/09/2008 11:11

Everybody stayed at DS's 4th birthday party in the summer, it never occurred to me that they might not. Most kids came with both parents as well, so there were lots and lots of adults. Fortunately it wasn't at home.

DS is one of the youngest in his reception class and the 5th birthday parties are about to start. I assumed that parents would still be staying, but I will ask when RSVPing now that I've seen this thread. He does have one party next week (a 4th birthday) which came with the request that only one parent accompany each child because space was limited.

Hulababy · 28/09/2008 11:16

In my experience before school, almost all parents stay at the party. Then in reception it dwindles down - the first couple lots of parents staing, by end of year very few staying.

When I host DD's parties I always ensure I have enough adults on hand to help (I sort it beforehand) so that other parents don't have to stay unless they want to.

TsarChasm · 28/09/2008 11:17

I think if you are organising a party you need to make sure you have some adult help lined up and not hope the parents will stay.

If they need or want to then fair enough, but as the children get older (3/4 yrs +) I wouldn't expect it tbh.

GodzillasBumcheek · 28/09/2008 11:20

I stayed with my DTDs until they were old enough to pretty much look after themselves at a party. After that i asked the pearent organising whether they wanted me to stay.

Most of the time people let me go, which i was very glad about because i always ended up standing around feeling like a gooseberry anyway, and since i generally hadn't had a break for about 3 months i was dying to leave them with someone else for a once

TsarChasm · 28/09/2008 11:20

Also I'm not sure people do 'dump' their children . That makes it sound like they don't give a toss.

It's quite usual to leave them at a party at some point.

Starbear · 28/09/2008 11:30

Having this problem this year. DS is about to be 4 years old. All the parents will stay as we had such a great time lst year. But it a great drain on the resources feeding parents as will as children and adults are fussy. Next year its going to be two or three friends at the pictures. Then After that I'm going to see how other people do it. Lucky for me DS is born in October and I won't know the new kids well enough to feel bad about not inviting them until the following year without parents

snickersnack · 28/09/2008 11:31

I don't mind staying. I don't mind going. But I wish parents would say on the invitation, because at this age it isn't always clear. dd has been invited to a party this afternoon - nothing on the invitation about parents staying or going. I left a message for the mother asking if she'd like help but haven't had a reply (which apart from anything else I think is just rude). If it's a "stay" party, I could have arranged for someone to look after ds but don't want to do that unless I have to - and it's too late now. If it's a "leave them" party, I'll take ds to the supermarket and we can all eat this evening.

ethanchristopher · 28/09/2008 11:32

i think my mum is rude

now i have a toddler that goes to the same school as my 5 year old sister so they know the same people she expects me to go to the party and supervise my sister with my ds in tow "because they've all got the same friends" so she can go shopping or meet up with her mum or something

i think its rude enough when people bring their child plus brothers and sisters letalone their childs nephew.

oh well, im stupid enough to agree

nappyaddict · 28/09/2008 11:36

misdee do you mean at the age of 3 you don't expect them to stay or after 3 (ie 4)

Starbear · 28/09/2008 11:38

Ethanchristopher you little star(even if you are 6ft tall) I've read your other threads.

Spidermama · 28/09/2008 11:42

I would never stay unless a) I was actually invited/recruited. b) The host is a good friend of mine.

What's more I don't like it when mums hang around nattering when I'm trying to do a party.

Spidermama · 28/09/2008 11:44

Also, most of us have other kids to worry about so we can't be expected to stay.
PLUS there are parties every weekend. There's no way on Gods earth I'm prepared to help out at other peoples parties every single weekend. Not on your Nelly!

FairLadyRantALot · 28/09/2008 11:58

Well...I suppose once they are in big school a lot of the times the mums are expecting to go home...however....I find it helps big time to mention you have some wine and breezers and stuff for the mums to enjoy [bribery works fantastic] I think it depends on how well ou know the host and other mums....I know with ms the mums will stay because we are all quite friendly....

Spidermama · 28/09/2008 12:01

IME if you provide wine the mums natter to each other and you just end up with more work to do not just filling and refilling juice but wine too,.

FairLadyRantALot · 28/09/2008 12:02

never had that experience...suppose it depends on teh individuals...

ethanchristopher · 28/09/2008 12:02

once they get to year 3 i would leave them. i think before then they would get a bit overwhelmed but thats just my lo's

ethanchristopher · 28/09/2008 12:02

once they get to year 3 i would leave them. i think before then they would get a bit overwhelmed but thats just my lo's

ethanchristopher · 28/09/2008 12:02

so overwhelemed i post it twice

wessexgirl · 28/09/2008 12:02

Up until now, I've only invited the children of friends (with all their brood) to the dds' parties, and the mums have always stayed for a chat and a drink.

Now that dd1 is in Reception and inviting the children of strangers, though, I certainly don't expect their mums to stay. I rather hope they don't, in fact!

I think YAB a bit U. I would stay with my younger child, but only if I didn't have to look after/do something else with the older one.

Bluebutterfly · 28/09/2008 12:19

I have heard that you should only invite the number of kids for the age of the birthday child. So a 4 year old should only have 4 kids, besides themself, at the party anyway. Sounds like a shocking number of 4 year olds to sensibly have at a party, with or without parents!

I think that you need to stipulate that parents have to stay in the invite if you expect them all to stay.

unfitmother · 28/09/2008 12:28

If you're hosting the party you should ensure you have enough adults around to help. If you don't have anyone to help then you should ask some parents, in advance if they can stay. The party described in the OP sounds terrible.
I would stay if I was asked but wouldn't otherwise.

SoupDragon · 28/09/2008 12:29

What age a child gets left at depends on whether they're a first born or otherwise.
It depends on whether the child is confident
It depends on the dropping-off-parent's circumstances

It does not make those who stay the "responsible" ones, it does not mean they've been "dumped" at the party and it doesn't make you a better parent if you stay.

Sheesh. it's not like they've been dumped in a supermarket carpark.

unknownrebelbang · 28/09/2008 12:33

Might have been tempted a time or two though, soupdragon...

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