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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to get fed up with people that dump their kids at parties

142 replies

pickupthismess · 27/09/2008 23:08

Went to birthday party today (age 4) and like a mug/good parent stayed with DS. Only two other mums stayed and about 12 disappeared. It was left to us 'responsible' parents to make sure all the kids had something to eat on their plate, stop them fighting, take them to the loo etc.

Why do parents expect that the party host can serve food, run games and manage their LO? and why should I have to take my eye of my DS to watch children I don't even know

OP posts:

cory · 29/09/2008 09:34

Yeah, but not a huge difference between controlling them in the playground and controlling them at a party.

The OP was talking about things like not every child getting fed- sounds like bad organisation to me. As far as I am concerned, once the invitees are out of the toddler stage, it's a matter of planning the party so that you have an adequate number of helpers, the venue is safe in relation to this, you invite as many children as you can cope with etc.

bythepowerofgreyskull · 29/09/2008 09:42

I guess in the end the important thing is that the parent hosting the party has made her views clear. If she wishes parents to stay then it should be stated then nobody is surprised equally if you don't want to stay a conversation with the host saying you would like to leave the child.

cory · 29/09/2008 09:43

Also, when I have stayed for any reason, I have always taken it for granted that any adult present pitches in and lends a hand without whingeing. The OP is talking about a situation where 3 mums and presumably one or two hosts are left controlling their own plus 12 extra children- and they still can't get them all fed and watered. So assuming (not very plausibly) that the hosts do nothing at all, each Mum has about 5 children to keep under control. Sorry, but that doesn't seem a massive number to me.

BalloonSlayer · 29/09/2008 09:51

I had to stay because of DS1's food allergies so at parties I was always the lady the kids came to for a drink.

I observed from the early days, when few parents didn't stay, that the kids who burst into tears and wanted to go home were always the ones whose parents had not stayed.

At the time I thought it was just sod's law. Then, being judgy, I wondered if the poor child felt abandoned because he/she could see everyone else's Mum was there. But now I reckon the most likely explanation is that the parents knew the child was clingy and would spend the whole time on their knee if they stuck around, so had decided that the child had a better chance of participating in the party if left to get on with it.

rebelmum1 · 29/09/2008 09:53

Invite less children ...

PoorOldEnid · 29/09/2008 09:55

my lord I don't want parents to stay

the horror

rebelmum1 · 29/09/2008 09:56

I have no intention of ever inviting more than 10 kids preferably less to dd's parties. Unless it's somewhere where there are staff. Maybe if you gave the parents wine or pims they'd stay

rebelmum1 · 29/09/2008 09:57

Yes they all get to see your flat cake and laugh!

compo · 29/09/2008 09:58

haven't read the whole thread but has anyone mentioned parties at soft play? my 4 year old (in reception) has been invited to a 5th party in a soft play place. Would I be expected to stay or leave?

AbbeyA · 29/09/2008 09:58

I always organised the parties so that parents could go, certainly by 4 I didn't expect them to stay. The first rule was not to have too many, I went by who DSs wanted to invite.Inviting the whole class is asking for trouble! I had enough people roped in to manage the DCs we did have, doubling the number in a small house by having parents to cater for seems silly.

PoorOldEnid · 29/09/2008 09:58

at bunch of tipsy parents drinking wine

I'd rather do 30 x 4 year olds on my own than have to watch uninterested parents chatting in groups over a glass of pinot grigio

the horror the horror

PoorOldEnid · 29/09/2008 09:59

actually I think wine at kids parties is very declasse

AbbeyA · 29/09/2008 10:03

I only ever offered them tea-perhaps that is why they didn't stay! Children are much easier to handle without the parent fussing around.

PoorOldEnid · 29/09/2008 10:05

deffo tea only

the wine is for you when everyone has buggered off

mou · 29/09/2008 10:06

We regularly go to pool parties and mostly me and H are the only parents to get in the pool with children. Others just sit on side. I know some need to watch for safety but we are starting to feel like unpaid entertainment for up to 20 children sometimes. If it wasn't for the children missing out we would start to refuse pool parties.
I don't approve of drinking at kids parties..why not give it up for a couple of hours? It is their time, can always have a drink later.

AbbeyA · 29/09/2008 10:08

I agree Enid,I saved the wine for after they had all gone home!! If you serve it at the party they probably never go home!

compo · 29/09/2008 10:09

so soft play anyone?!!

PoorOldEnid · 29/09/2008 10:11

well I didnt stay when dd2 was 4 but other parents mentioned the fact (disapprovingly) so I would ASK the parent now whether I was expected to stay or go

PoorOldEnid · 29/09/2008 10:11

that was to compo btw

mumnosbest · 29/09/2008 10:12

My ds is 4 this year and I'm hoping parents wont stay this time. They're extra bodies to feed, take up extra space I don't have and kids are usually better without parents around. Fingers crossed!

Anchovy · 29/09/2008 10:17

Ooh, I'll enter the debate as we had DD's 5th bithday party yesterday.

I think it all comes down to how confident your child is, whether you are comfortable with the set up and (sorry), assuming boxes 1 and 2 are ticked whether it is your PFB

Most of the children at DD's party were in the same nursery class last year - knew each other well, parents knew us, most had been to our house before - none of those parents stayed. One of the "new children" was unhappy and his mum stayed for about 40 minutes to settle him in - he did a bit of weeping on the sofa on her lap but joined in the games a bit later and was absolutely fine. One mother warned me she was going to stay as her child is quite "temperamental". He did kick off about something and she dealt with it pretty swiftly.

We only offer wine at the end - is that OK Enid? In fact on the invitation we specifically invited parents to join us for a glass of wine and some cake at the end and the party extended by about 45 mins with that.

Smithagain · 29/09/2008 10:20

Compo - ask the host. IME it's really variable at this age and the host may not have twigged that parents might want to leave. As is evidenced by this thread!

PoorOldEnid · 29/09/2008 10:21

"the party extended by about 45 mins with that. "

why would you do that to yourself

compo · 29/09/2008 10:21

thanks Enid I thought soft play might be trickier as more supervision needed
bit wary about leaving ds as even when one of us was with him at a party he managed to break his arm

compo · 29/09/2008 10:23

I agree with Enid about the wine though.... wine and cake at the end? why not coffee and cake at the end... this country is wierd re. alcohol. Wine + dinner yes, wine + children's parties - why?!!!!!!!!

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