To tell my DB about gov guidelines for sleeping in same room as baby when he said baby would be sleeping in its own room.

[neolara]

My brother is expecting his first child any time now. He doesn't really know anything about babies yet although I think he will be a fantastic dad when it comes along.

He said that the baby would be sleeping in a separate room with the maternity nurse and would stay there when the maternity nurse leaves after 5 weeks. I rather cautiously mentioned that the current guidelines are that a baby sleeps in the same room as someone else for the first six months because of the risk of cot death. He said he didn't know that, but then went quiet on me, which means he was cross and wanted me to but out!

Some close friends of his who recently had a baby have had the baby in a separate room from birth and I think he just thinks that is what "everyone" does. I also think that he was probably annoyed that his big sister was trying to tell him how to bring up his baby. And I can see how that would be bloody irritating. I tried to back-track (e.g. it's your baby and obviously you can have it sleep wherever you want) but actually I do think he should at least make an informed decision.

I suppose it comes down to how much do you think it is reasonably to interfere in how others in your family bring up their children. Do you think I should have said something, or left it to the health visitor / midwife?

Message withdrawn

I'm not sure about the name, but apparantly Claire Verity has been in trouble for calling herself that.

GreenMonkies, I'm with you there! I used to live almost on Broad St, which for people who don't know Birmingham is the main clubbing road in Birmingham and I lived next to the biggest club on the road. People would always ask me how I slept, but it was the birds deciding to start tweeting at 2am that usually disturbed me!

Copied this from an employment agency website. It's the job description for a maternity nanny:

"A maternity nurse is in charge of the care of a newborn baby and mother in their home. The role of the maternity nurse is to join a family immediately after the birth and help the parent(s) adjust to having a baby as effortlessly as possible. A maternity nurse is on hand with advice on all matters relating to the wellbeing of mother and baby".

"A maternity nurse will use her experience and expertise to get your baby into a sleeping and feeding routine. The role of the maternity nurse is to help you gain confidence with the baby and she will therefore encourage your participation in developing these routines with the baby. A maternity nurse can advise the mother on breast feeding and expressing, and help the parent develop confidence in taking care of the baby. She is also responsible for all nursery duties relating to the baby."

Note the emphasis on her role 'caring' for the baby and getting the baby into feeding and sleeping 'routines'. Exactly how hard is it to 'care' for a newborn? You hold it, feed it, change it, love it. It's not flipping rocket science. Why does any half way intelligent person need someone to stand over them for 5 weeks to show them how to do it?

And how exactly does it help breastfeeding to get a newborn baby into a 'routine'? Breastfeeding women are encouraged to feed on demand for at least the first 6 weeks to get breastfeeding really well established.

All you can do is give advice. They may decide to take it on board or not, that's up to them.

Sounds like you dont like your SIL much - ' assume she thinks the same as my brother - I'm sure he would go along with whatever she wanted. He's a really lovely guy'

If they can afford a maternity nurse, go for it I say. They may find they dont want her after a week or two. I wouldnt have minded someone to ease me into the first 5 weeks after a very stressful birth .

Everyone makes plans to do it this way and that and once the baby arrives the reality is usually very different , you do it their way.

None of your business. Bite your tongue in future.

FWIW - I would hate to be separated from my baby at night in the first few months and find the idea of a maternity nurse totally bizarre...still their baby, their lives, their choice.

For whoever said cripes, how much noise can a newborn make?. A LOT. My DS was in with me til 8 weeks by which point i couldn't stand the noise any longer. I'm not a particularly light sleeper but any snuffle woke me. He went to his own room across the hall with both doors open and I finally slept between feeds.
We have no problems bonding.
I think he even slept better as there was less disruption from me.
All those people saying how terrible them being in their own room before 6 months, how many of you are co sleeping? If I'm not mistaken that is also against guidelines. We all do our best .

But there are some people who, along with their elective section or maybe planned induction (no midwife care for them just private consultant) to fit in with their social calendar, employ a maternity nurse to do the slog - eg bottle feeding at night so they can sleep, look beautiful and take credit for making it look so easy. Then they can get back to their previous life and the nanny takes over! Having a baby in the same room to disturb them would never happen. The rest of us wouldn't give up those precious early days for anything - though a bit more sleep would be nice! Help for us is mum or a friend staying. I know - big pot of tar large brush - but it happens.

However co sleeping is common in the developing world and i think their SIDS rates are minimual/negligble - we in the developed world have this thing about getting our children separate from us - I am all for independance but they have just spent all that time tucked up inside a warm noisy womb. Nine months in the womb nine months next to mum in bed is one adage i have heard. But whatever works for you eh. SIDS just happens - no noise necessarily and as long as you do your best you can do no more.

I really hate the "co-sleeping is against the guidelines" comments that keep coming up on this thread [eyeroll] it shows a complete lack of understanding on who gives that advice and who doesn't. Come on, make the berate complete, knock parents who don't use a (to use the full name) "dummy tit" because, after all, that's what the guidelines say!

i said large pot of tar big brush and there are SOME people, therefore didn't tar all people. In the real world others have to get on with it on their own or with a partner taking time off. Nice to be able to afford it though I would imagine most would not want a stranger camping in their home at such a private time!

Guidelines are just that - guidelines - to guide - informed choice? There are no co sleeping police who are going to drag you away if you do it are there?

Guidelines also say that breastmilk is better for a baby and that BF babies have a lower incidence of SIDS than FF babies. But the minority of mothers who do actually BF get slammed if they mention that!

Yes that is true too but that is deemed as choice apparently!! For me there was no choice I was determined that there was no other way than to BF to do the best for my baby. It is also seen that generally 'people of a lower social class' tend to bottle feed - see latest studies done by Dr Foster group. So those at higher risk of SIDS are those at higher risk of all sorts of infections and are those who are seen in casualty most often too.

I'm amazed how judgemental some people are being about having a maternity nurse, or if she's not actually a registered nurse then a maternity NANNY. If the OPs brother and SIL want to have one then it's their choice! It doesn't mean they're baby is just an inconvenience!

Yeah, there are people out there where they outsource the baby ASAP but they're in an overexposed minority.

As for educating parents some people haven't really 'dealt' with babies before purely because of the changing social profiles of families. My mother, in the 80s, hadn't a clue how to feed, change or bath me. Nor did she have any family around to help her - I'm sure she'd have loved to have someone pre-booked. When she realised she didn't have a clue she tried to find someone (anyone!), applying the same principles that she had used as in the corporate world (if you don't have the skills outsource to someone who does) and ended up getting an out-of-work local nanny who had at least dealt with a couple of babies before! I actually think that was rather smart of her. She did it because she wanted to make sure she did things right, not because I was some kind of inconvenience!

Slightly OT: TinkerBellesMum Broad Street - poor you! If it was while I was a student at Bham and I woke you up then I wholeheartedly apologise.

To be honest it wasn't Broad St that was disruptive, it was the Queen's Hospital residents who used our estate as a cut through [eyeroll] It used to amaze me how quiet it was living there!

How long ago was you in Birmingham?

Tinker,
I think the point re co-sleeping being against the guidlines was only made in reference to the OP's amazement that her brother might not follow the guidlines. The point is that lots of people don't follow all the guidlines. Different people follow/ignore different guidlines as it suits their needs.
Futher, how would anyone know where the research for the giudlines comes from? All the information I got came in borchures etc from the NHS, so the guidlines would certainly appear to be government endorsed if not based on government studies?

4 years. But I lived in Selly Oak, not QHC, and was a grown up responsible person. Ahem.

Possibly not that responsible, because I clearly still frequented Broad Street which is the domain of 18 year old Freshers.

Co-sleeping has only come from a private charity whose advice is sponsored by a bed maker, the same charity gives out information backed by a dummy maker. It doesn't give out advice on breastfeeding preventing SIDS though, could that possibly be because breastfeeding doesn't pay but formula companies do?

Sleeping in another room isn't just from one charity, it has come from lots of studies from different people. I will be working for the local PCT's Breastfeeding department and we've been trained that co-sleeping is a good thing for breastfeeding and dummies aren't. I was taught how to co-sleep in hospital and shown how to breastfeed on my side.

I'm afraid the three guidelines are not comparable and that is the point I was trying to make. Anyone who does try to compare them shows a complete lack of understanding.

I lived Broad St 4.5 to 2.5 years ago. You probably knew my dad if you lived in Selly Oak.

Maybe so Tinker, but when the info re co-sleeping is given out in the same pack as the info re having the baby in the room with you, then surely any lack of understanding is totally understandable?

I've never seen any pack, I've only seen sponsored advice in catalogues and websites.