to be really hacked off that DP has 'decided' that he will be playing football every saturday?

[Cantstandthefootball]

DP is sports mad - loves playing and watching it. He has for the last few years been playing football every sat and one night in the week training. This stopped early this year when DS was born. A couple of months ago he said he wanted to play football again and would play for the second team so would mean that he wouldn't have to play every saturday. I said ok, i understand that he needs to have his own interests and needs to let off a bit of steam at the weekends. He has a stressful job and often has to work long hours. I am still on maternity leave but will be going back to work in Dec.
The problem is he has now said he will be playing every sat unless there is 'a family occasion or wedding' and he is out most of the day. It is an hours drive and he has to be there an hour before they play so means he is out of the house from 12pm till 6pm. For me it just feels like it is another day he is at work.

Also, I hate to be cynical about this, but I imagine that as a SAHM, if you find that suddenly saturday afternoons are all about looking after the children instead of doing stuff for yourself or as a family, it has to feel like you're being asked to do overtime. No matter how much you love the little blighters etc.

I can assure you that if I was suddenly told my day job had been extended to include Saturday afternoons, I'd be pretty darned cheesed off and someone would have to pay.

sorry only read the first 20 or so posts..
so ignore if others have pointed this out too -
I think YANBU
surely it is not just about HIM having 'free time' and YOU having free time , but about having time together as a family.

If you were to go off every Sunday from 12-6, and he did it on Sat from 12-6, you'd never all be together!!
Is a compromise possible - for him to go once a fortnight, say? if you go out once a fortnight too, for you time, there is still time for you as a family, for a day every weekend, or the whole of every other weekend.

personally I prioritise family time over 'me time' - of course I still expect to go out every now and again with my friends, and for dh to do the same, but isn't it supposed to be enjoyable to spend time with your family???

lolol I remember a distant relative of mine whose fil had said 'she knew what she got when she married X, he's got his sport to think about'

I mean if he was a pro footballer they have a point

if it's down on a rec with some other middle aged blokes then not so much

ok, just read some more posts.. feel free to ignore me, has all been said better by others!!!
I was just so incensed I had to stop reading and write!

Yeah, Spink. Read properly!
That was the OP's whole point, though. That she'd agreed to the original plan of every fortnight, but that he'd now mentioned that, oh yes, by the way, did I tell you it'll be every week. Which is taking the p*, some of us feel.

By the way, cantstand, my original post wasn't a rant at you (hope it didn't come across like that), it was a rant at some of the earlier responses that had said "why don't you just go out on a Sunday and have YOUR 6 hours off"

I agree with TMMJ and capp and others who have expressed an interest in cantstandthefootball's likelihood of spending any time with her dp and their child together.
If he works long hours during the week, then as Linden says, he's already not seeing much of the baby Monday to Friday.
I agree totally that some time out from the pressures of family life for both parents is good, but the week in, week out 6 hour commitment is too much IMO.
I would be hacked off too cantstand. I'd hope we could negotiate some kind of less time-consuming arrangement, in your position. I'd have it sorted before you too are back in paid work and also out of the house for much of the week.

x-posts. Hear hear spink - family time is the main priority, then individual parent time. We both WOTH f/t and IMO would really suffer as a family unit if one adult was absent for most of every single Saturday.
I think it is easier for women, IME, to sort themselves out with a good quality occasional social life. Men seem to be far more comfortable with a weekly sporty/social thing IMO.

"A couple of months ago he said he wanted to play football again and would play for the second team so would mean that he wouldn't have to play every saturday."
OK, maybe not once a fortnight, but not every week, either.
Anyway, what the club "expects" is up to them. He doesn't have to sign up, if it's to the detriment of his wife and kids, which it is if she's not happy about it.
He needs to sort out his priorities, imo.

daftpunk
pmsl @ him working so hard
You are aware that being at work is a total piece of piss compared to being at home with even 1 child....

CD, as the only breadwinner in our family for 4 years and now a SAHM, I have to agree 100% with your post!

My days at home are much more exhausting and full on than my days at work, when I can
Chat to colleagues
drink tea and coffee at leisure
Go out for nice lunches
Peruse the internet without being hassled

etc

Men who tell you that being hte breadwinner is hard work are telling porkies

CD..i know (hope you're good btw)... but he think's it's easy.

then it's a good thing he's married to you, DP, because i'd leave him on his own with them for an entire day and he'd soon find out otherwise.

lol expat...shall we do "wife swap"

erm, no way!

If I could go out to my old job from 8am til 6pm, someone had done all the cleaning/child-rearing/washing/ironing/cooking/homework etc then I would be a stress free mother. Going to work is far easier than being a SAHM.

To the OP, I understand how you feel, DH has his dogs which takes up so much free time that I do get resentful but as mentioned countless times on this thread, get out yourself, give him a taste of his own medicine.

ooh MN wifeswap now there's a thought

YANBU. You had an agreement and now he is trying to get more than was agreed to.
Maybe in a year or two when things are easier you might not mind him spending so long playing football, but looking after a young baby is hard work, and to loose a major part of the weekend like this when you are already doing all the care in the week is unreasonable of him IMHO.

PS You might want to look at this football related news story. Look at the quote from the league organiser

link

That guy's not the OP's DH is it?!

Sorry if I have inadvertantly outed you cantstandthefootball.

YANBU. Your husband has the freedom to be completely and utterly selfish. He has over-committed himself to a sport and shows a lack of responsibility to his children. Of course both parents should have regular time to themselves but he is taking the p...