to be really hacked off that DP has 'decided' that he will be playing football every saturday?

[Cantstandthefootball]

DP is sports mad - loves playing and watching it. He has for the last few years been playing football every sat and one night in the week training. This stopped early this year when DS was born. A couple of months ago he said he wanted to play football again and would play for the second team so would mean that he wouldn't have to play every saturday. I said ok, i understand that he needs to have his own interests and needs to let off a bit of steam at the weekends. He has a stressful job and often has to work long hours. I am still on maternity leave but will be going back to work in Dec.
The problem is he has now said he will be playing every sat unless there is 'a family occasion or wedding' and he is out most of the day. It is an hours drive and he has to be there an hour before they play so means he is out of the house from 12pm till 6pm. For me it just feels like it is another day he is at work.

YANBU

I think a 6 hour block every week (when the original idea was alternate weeks) is unreasonable.
When our DCs arrived DH, who did loads of various activities, did a stock-take and cut down dramatically, mainly the ones that involved being out of the house for long periods, like golf and cricket. He kept up squash, the gym and bridge, and occasional boys' nights out however, which was fair enough. And we always checked diaries to ensure nothing clashed and that I wasn't lumbered as default carer.
Result: I didn't feel resentful about it. And actually, going out yourself isn't the point, as it can seomtimes feel like you're doing it for the sake of it. And makes for even less family-time.

My dh has decided that he going to start doing track days on a motorbike....which I didnt know he had hidden in the garden until 3 weeks ago!

Only, I have to go with him on track days....in case he come off and cant get home........walk matey!.....

I'd go mad tbh if DH said that he was going to spend most of Saturday, every Saturday doing something.

Once you both are at work again, then the weekend is not just your family time, but also your partnership time, and an awful lot has to be crammed into two days. The only way that we make our family life work with DS and two jobs is that there is no 'me' time at the weekend, just all of us time to do things together.

If he wants to play football, why can't he do 5 a side in the week when your DC is in bed ? Then no one loses out.

i think the thing to remember here is that if you feel resentful of him having time for sports, then you need to sit down with him and discuss what's acceptable.

some chaps automatically think that because you begrudingly say 'yes' that gives them reason to put their feet up the rest of the time.

but, if he occassionally goes to play football and works hard at home at being supportive (cleaning, shopping etc), then fair enough.

talk to him!

: )

I'm biased. Had an amazing father and DP is SOOOOOO excited for when we have kids already I am looking forward to having a real family asap. Only reason we're not already trying is that logistics of our wedding in SA next year is a problem.

I feel for you but if it works for you...

Blinglovin - that is basically it.

"surely the way to do it would be to have sunday as family day and then one night during the week is the op's time to herself"

evenings are not the same, not the same at all

you can sit and watch tv with a beer on evenings when partner is out and kids in bed.

not during Sat afternoon

evenings would only work if he was left with ironing and comprehensive list of household chores and NO BEER AVAILABLE IN HOUSE

oh that sounds great blinglovin..hope the wedding go's well..

"evenings are not the same, not the same at all

you can sit and watch tv with a beer on evenings when partner is out and kids in bed.

not during Sat afternoon

evenings would only work if he was left with ironing and comprehensive list of household chores and NO BEER AVAILABLE IN HOUSE "

ah so then it's not about time together as a family at all or each parner having time to themselves.

it's a pissing competition about who does the most?

no that's not it mayor

but it is pointless saying everyone needs their own time, but ignoring the fact that the poor woman has to look after the kids for yet another day on her own

and for 'her time' he gets a night in on his own watching the footie

And in my book, the only thing worse than DH spending hours out playing football would be having to go along and watch! Whose suggestion was THAT?

cappuccino

since the beginning of time women have always spent more time looking after children..maybe i'm reading the op wrong..but it seems she's not happy that he
might enjoy himself playing football...would she mind being at home on her own if he was working??

How about asking him to pay for childcare for Sat pm so you can get some time to yourself too?

Not unreasonable

CD

now there's an opinion I can agree with

cantstandthefootball - what are you unhappy about exactly?

(a) that you have to spend another six hours on your own with your baby

(b) or that you have to spend another six hours on your own without your husband?

The solution to (a) is for your DH to pay for six hours of childcare during the week, for you to do whatever you feel like doing in.

The solution to (b) is for you to tell your DH that you miss him dreadfully, don't spend enough hours together as it is, and could you please discuss how you are going to manage to spend more hours together.

Excellent idea CD.

OO - I would love that! I would sit next to dh while he watches the footie with a large glass of wine and the paper, much more fun than battling the Saturday shoppers!

DP trains for rugby every wednesday night, plays every saturday (and usually comes home in agony etc). On a sunday he coaches the juniors rugby.
This is only through the winter (which would be the same for football im sure??)

I dont have a problem with it at all tbh, I quite enjoy my saturday afternoons with DS2.

In the summer we all do stuff together (pub meals etc)

Why dont you find somethi ng to do on a sunday and leave him to look after your DS.

"How about asking him to pay for childcare for Sat pm so you can get some time to yourself too?

Not unreasonable "

well surely they should split the cost if they are both getting the benefit?

I'd be really hacked off too.
You're (presumably as you say you're on mat leave) on your own with the baby all day every day during the week, then you're expected to do same Sat afternoon?!!!

Being with a baby (or even an older child) on your own day after day is isolating and boring and it's totally unreasonable for your baby's father to spend a whole afternoon of his only 2 days a week off away from you and baby.

Why can't he take up a hobby that happens in the evening when baby is in bed?

Or compromise by playing closer so he's not gone as long and you could go and watch and chat with other spectators.

Imo this is nothing to do with whether he has a right to have a hobby its to do with the fact you need time off from being on your own with a baby. Not to mention that he needs time with the baby to bond.

its 6 hours fgs, how is it unreasonable?

and why is it more reasonable for the child to be put into childcare (at the weekends??)
rather than the mother look after her own child.

yeah i dont get that either dp