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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to strangle DD's so-called friend

32 replies

StellaDallas · 11/09/2008 01:02

who told her today she wasn't invited to her birthday party because she could only have six people. She then went on to name them and a couple are girls she hardly knows.
She will be round here in the morning to walk to school with DD looking as if butter wouldn't melt in her mouth, while DD cried herself to sleep.
I could understand if she was 6, but she is 12 fgs. She knows she is being cruel.
I couldn't help it, I told DD I thought her friend was being mean.
So shoot me.

OP posts:
Aitch · 11/09/2008 01:03

her friend is being mean, though.

Saturn74 · 11/09/2008 01:16

Strangling may be a bit OTT.
Tarring and feathering is perfectly allowable in such circumstances, though.

Your poor DD.
I agree the other girl is old enough to know she is being cruel.

aSlurOnBrilliantScientists · 11/09/2008 01:20

Yup mean thing to do. Your poor dd. How horrid for her. PLan somthing wonderful for her instead, a poor pale comparison maybe but at least something.

Pria · 11/09/2008 01:21

Sounds like a good time to teach your DD revenge. Hope she has a birthday soon!

chipmonkey · 11/09/2008 01:37

Oh, your poor dd! Yes, her friend is being horribly mean. Ds1, also 12, is making out a birthday list. We are limited to six guests but I have insisted that he invites his friends from home as opposed to the cool kid he met on holidays who will never know about the party.

slim22 · 11/09/2008 01:39

poor DD
it IS mean.
yes, I'd think about blacklisting the "friend".

leothelioness · 11/09/2008 06:10

that is really mean of your DD's friend. You would think she would have been taught some tact by now. plan a great day out with
your DD to help take her mind off the party

cornsilk · 11/09/2008 07:22

what a bitch.Girls can be horrible.

LazyLinePainterJane · 11/09/2008 07:42

Was just about to say that cornsilk, they really can.

liath · 11/09/2008 07:45

I remember a girl at school doing this to me at a similar age. They made a big point of talking about how great the party had been in front of me too. Girls can be foul at this age. Your poor dd.

KVC · 11/09/2008 08:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

beanieb · 11/09/2008 08:30

Maybe the other girl doesn't really view your DD as her best friend

SquiffyHock · 11/09/2008 08:35

When her friend comes around make a point of mentioning a cool place you're going to go - pottery painting/ cinema / whatever. Also, let your DD plan a sleepover.

I know I'm being childish but her friend is getting into that subtle bullying that girls do - your DD needs to show her now that she won't rise to it.

shabster · 11/09/2008 08:37

Glad I had four sons - girls are scary.

Wait till the first love comes along....then the fun begins.

My eldest DS (26yrs) kissed millions of frogs before he found his princess.

CrushWithEyeliner · 11/09/2008 08:45

So sorry for your DD. I had stuff like this happen to me at the same age - some girls just befriend others to punish them.

Drop her

Bridie3 · 11/09/2008 08:48

I remember some girls in SIXTH form doing this to me and it hurt even then when I was nearly 17.

I hope you have a sweet revenge.

Original poster
StellaDallas · 11/09/2008 09:03

Thanks guys. She turned up here this morning with their other friend being really chatty and friendly to me - but then I hear her make a snide comment to DD about her hair. She always seems to be putting her down in some way, criticising her clothes or hair or having secrets from her with Y and telling her she wouldn't understand. This has been going on for more than two years now - they are a threesome because this girl, X started hanging around with DD and her friend Y. It is quite clear that it is really Y she wants to be friends with and she blows hot and cold with DD (there have been other incidents) but when I have suggested to DD that she just drop her and hang around with her other friends, she says, but what about Y (they have been close friends since they were six).
It is a difficult situation for Y to be in and I really don't know what to advise DD. She has two really good friends in her new class at school while X and Y are in a different class but she walks back and forth to school with X and Y everyday and they tend to come in and hang out in our house after school.
I'm tearing my hair out trying to think of how I can help DD detach herself from this toxic friend.

OP posts:
wannaBe · 11/09/2008 09:13

plan something far cooler for your dd on the day of horridgirls's birthday and invite all the girls that would have been going to the party .

Girls are horrible, and I'm really glad I don't have one.

MorningTownRide · 11/09/2008 09:14

I started a thread in Parenting asking "Are all girls inherently evil??"

A friend (9yo)of next doors daughter was taunting my dd(3yo). Dh was videoing dd reaction But that's another story.

I did get a slap down for generalising....

I remember this age. Threesomes never seem to work. I tended to change allegiances and had to have exclusive best friends.

I agree with others on here. Take DD out to do something fabulous.

I'm for you.

mou · 11/09/2008 09:16

Poor DD, Such a fragile time for girls as well.
can you take DD and good friend out for a special day and not invite other girl? get tickets to a cool concert or a makeover..

tempting to tell her the two faced trollop isn't welcome in your house if she treats DD like that but we are supposed to be mature aren't we???

forget maturity, i'm with the tarring and feathering

ajandjjmum · 11/09/2008 09:18

Is it worth you having a quiet word with Y's mum?

I really feel for you. Dd is 15 and has been there, and from time to time, things like this still happen. I'm trying to teach dd to 'rise above it' - whilst secretly planning torture!!!

I agree with everyone else - plan something fantastic with your dd and one of the friends from her class - theatre, nail painting - something far more sophisticated than a mere birthday party!!!

TheCrackFox · 11/09/2008 09:23

Stella - I think you were right to tell your DD that her "friend" was being mean. At least your daughter will know that you are on her side.

And, yes, I would go with everyone else and plan a subtle form of revenge and don't invite the "friend".

Chocolateteapot · 11/09/2008 09:25

Oh no, some of them can be a complete nightmare. Agree with the others, a treat with one of the girls in her class. Also agree with letting your DD know you are on her side.

Maybe it is a good lesson to learn whilst young, that there are some "friends" who aren't really very good for you, make you feel bad about yourself and best steered clear of. Very hard lesson to learn though. Am dreading it all with DD, she's only 9 and I'm sure they ramp up a gear with all this as they get older, more subtle.

Original poster
StellaDallas · 11/09/2008 09:26

Y's mum is a good friend of mine and she is perturbed by what has been going on too - but despite her bad behaviour X exerts some charismatic fascination over Y and DD.
What makes me mad is that it was DDs birthday six weeks ago and there was no question of leaving Y out, even though that was limited numbers too and a really big treat (pizza making party at Pizza Express).

OP posts:
deegward · 11/09/2008 09:35

I think I would have said something myself to the child this morning, along the lines of "Oh so dd is good enough to walk to school with, but not to come to your party? You girls you are so fickle!"

I know wrong but I would have wanted to see the child squirm, NOONE messes with my children!!!