To want to strangle DD's so-called friend

[StellaDallas]

who told her today she wasn't invited to her birthday party because she could only have six people. She then went on to name them and a couple are girls she hardly knows.
She will be round here in the morning to walk to school with DD looking as if butter wouldn't melt in her mouth, while DD cried herself to sleep.
I could understand if she was 6, but she is 12 fgs. She knows she is being cruel.
I couldn't help it, I told DD I thought her friend was being mean.
So shoot me.

[ethanchristopher]

thats harsh!

i was made to invite my bloody class bully to make sure she wasnt left out

i say if she wants someone to walk to school with in the morning she can dam well invite her to her party!

[smartiejake]

OHH deegward I know what you mean.

I find it very hard to keep my mouth shut in these circumstances. I have actually made the mistake of getting involved by making comments to girls like these but unfortunately it often makes the situation worse!

At christmas my dd was bombarded by nasty text and msn messages from this girl in her class. We got so fed up with it that DH sent her a text threatening to tell the school (where it is a suspendable offence) and her parents.

Her father rang back later in the day screaming and shouting about how dare we threaten his darling dd. Obviously she has him wrapped round his little finger. No wonder she was such a manipulative little bitch.

[OrmIrian]

Ouch! It's a girl thing. Some of them seem to glory in their power to hurt.

[smartiejake]

Oh God. some girls are just horrid aren't they. If you really can't have a party without leaving someone out the child should not be rubbing her nose in it- you are right it is downright mean.

Why is it that some girls seem to have this mystical power over others?

My DD (12)was the only one out of 16 girls in her school year not to have been invited to a girls party last week (she sounds just like your dds toxic friend). SHe shrugged it off but I could tell she was upset.

Fortunately for her she has a wide circle of friends, not just from school and managed to invite one of them over when the party was on.

She is slowly learning that girls like this are not worth bothering with or getting upset over but it has been a long haul for her to get to this point. There were quite a few incidences like this at junior school and it used to break my heart.

I agree with other posters- find a girl not going to the party and take them out for a fabulous treat.

[HarleyQuinn]

I agree with ajandjjmum, thats a great idea
perhaps invite her other friends from her class to an outing somewhere so your DD can forget about the party.

[ajandjjmum]

OK - so it may be childish - but can you and Y's mum arrange a few outings for just the two of them, to cement their friendship? Then maybe they will realise that they can have fun together without the manipulator!!

[deegward]

I think I would have said something myself to the child this morning, along the lines of "Oh so dd is good enough to walk to school with, but not to come to your party? You girls you are so fickle!"

I know wrong but I would have wanted to see the child squirm, NOONE messes with my children!!!

[StellaDallas]

Y's mum is a good friend of mine and she is perturbed by what has been going on too - but despite her bad behaviour X exerts some charismatic fascination over Y and DD.
What makes me mad is that it was DDs birthday six weeks ago and there was no question of leaving Y out, even though that was limited numbers too and a really big treat (pizza making party at Pizza Express).

[Chocolateteapot]

Oh no, some of them can be a complete nightmare. Agree with the others, a treat with one of the girls in her class. Also agree with letting your DD know you are on her side.

Maybe it is a good lesson to learn whilst young, that there are some "friends" who aren't really very good for you, make you feel bad about yourself and best steered clear of. Very hard lesson to learn though. Am dreading it all with DD, she's only 9 and I'm sure they ramp up a gear with all this as they get older, more subtle.

[TheCrackFox]

Stella - I think you were right to tell your DD that her "friend" was being mean. At least your daughter will know that you are on her side.

And, yes, I would go with everyone else and plan a subtle form of revenge and don't invite the "friend".

[ajandjjmum]

Is it worth you having a quiet word with Y's mum?

I really feel for you. Dd is 15 and has been there, and from time to time, things like this still happen. I'm trying to teach dd to 'rise above it' - whilst secretly planning torture!!!

I agree with everyone else - plan something fantastic with your dd and one of the friends from her class - theatre, nail painting - something far more sophisticated than a mere birthday party!!!

[mou]

Poor DD, Such a fragile time for girls as well.
can you take DD and good friend out for a special day and not invite other girl? get tickets to a cool concert or a makeover..

tempting to tell her the two faced trollop isn't welcome in your house if she treats DD like that but we are supposed to be mature aren't we???

forget maturity, i'm with the tarring and feathering

[MorningTownRide]

I started a thread in Parenting asking "Are all girls inherently evil??"

A friend (9yo)of next doors daughter was taunting my dd(3yo). Dh was videoing dd reaction But that's another story.

I did get a slap down for generalising....

I remember this age. Threesomes never seem to work. I tended to change allegiances and had to have exclusive best friends.

I agree with others on here. Take DD out to do something fabulous.

I'm for you.

[wannaBe]

plan something far cooler for your dd on the day of horridgirls's birthday and invite all the girls that would have been going to the party .

Girls are horrible, and I'm really glad I don't have one.

[StellaDallas]

Thanks guys. She turned up here this morning with their other friend being really chatty and friendly to me - but then I hear her make a snide comment to DD about her hair. She always seems to be putting her down in some way, criticising her clothes or hair or having secrets from her with Y and telling her she wouldn't understand. This has been going on for more than two years now - they are a threesome because this girl, X started hanging around with DD and her friend Y. It is quite clear that it is really Y she wants to be friends with and she blows hot and cold with DD (there have been other incidents) but when I have suggested to DD that she just drop her and hang around with her other friends, she says, but what about Y (they have been close friends since they were six).
It is a difficult situation for Y to be in and I really don't know what to advise DD. She has two really good friends in her new class at school while X and Y are in a different class but she walks back and forth to school with X and Y everyday and they tend to come in and hang out in our house after school.
I'm tearing my hair out trying to think of how I can help DD detach herself from this toxic friend.

[Bridie3]

I remember some girls in SIXTH form doing this to me and it hurt even then when I was nearly 17.

I hope you have a sweet revenge.

[CrushWithEyeliner]

So sorry for your DD. I had stuff like this happen to me at the same age - some girls just befriend others to punish them.

Drop her

[shabster]

Glad I had four sons - girls are scary.

Wait till the first love comes along....then the fun begins.

My eldest DS (26yrs) kissed millions of frogs before he found his princess.

[SquiffyHock]

When her friend comes around make a point of mentioning a cool place you're going to go - pottery painting/ cinema / whatever. Also, let your DD plan a sleepover.

I know I'm being childish but her friend is getting into that subtle bullying that girls do - your DD needs to show her now that she won't rise to it.

[beanieb]

Maybe the other girl doesn't really view your DD as her best friend

[liath]

I remember a girl at school doing this to me at a similar age. They made a big point of talking about how great the party had been in front of me too. Girls can be foul at this age. Your poor dd.

[LazyLinePainterJane]

Was just about to say that cornsilk, they really can.

[cornsilk]

what a bitch.Girls can be horrible.