Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I decide when dd has school lunches, right? Not her friends?

60 replies

Cappuccino · 10/09/2008 10:01

I know I am right I am just having a wobble

I want dd1's school lunches to be on the days I don't have to make sandwiches for dd2 at preschool to make it easier for ME

she wants school lunches on the day her friend has them so they can sit together

we had a big meltdown this morning

I am right aren't I? Or am I Bad Mummy who is ruining her social time? (she's 7)

OP posts:
cupsoftea · 10/09/2008 10:02

could her friends change to your days - tell her to ask them this...

sinkingfast · 10/09/2008 10:02

Can you meet halfway and speak to friend's mum to see if there's leeway at her end? Or make it that one day you'll compromise and another day she will?

overthemill · 10/09/2008 10:02

you are not abad mummy but it is hard for them when they swap and change as they fear they will be all alone

ask the other mum if they could change too?? that sounds so daft but it might be worth it!!

MrsDanversApron · 10/09/2008 10:02

I think you are being unreasonable. At that age doing stuff 'with your friends' is a Big Deal.

I make 5 packed lunches every morning, knocking up a sarnie is hardly back breaking work.

hana · 10/09/2008 10:03

gawd no you can't ask the other mums to change!

ummadam · 10/09/2008 10:03

is a compromise reachable? I would probably feel the same as you about the additional hassle but having been to a school where school lunches and packed lunches had to be eaten in separate areas it was sometimes a bit lonely if your friends were doing the other.

If she is 7 could you teach her to make her own sandwiches and make that a condition of having them on a day you have other plans?

ConnorTraceptive · 10/09/2008 10:04

ah I know you are right but remember how important these things are when you are 7!

castille · 10/09/2008 10:04

It's awful for a child to have to eat in the canteen on hi/her own, so I can see your dd's point.

But can also see yours. Can you and friend's mum discuss?

OrmIrian · 10/09/2008 10:04

I am having a similar low-key ongoing debate with DD atm. She wants school lunches on Monday because they have ice-cream And on Wednesday because Chelsea has them then

I don't see why they can't sit with their friends even if they do have packed lunches. It's a bit unfair.

Dropdeadfred · 10/09/2008 10:05

Hw hard is it to make her a packed lunch??? a sandwich, fruit, yoghurt etc...5 mins max.
yabu

Uriel · 10/09/2008 10:05

I'd do it so it was right for dd1. Lunchtime can be a very long time if you're not sitting with a friend.

It may mess up her time in the playground too, as sandwich kids and school meal kids can eat at slightly different times.

Original poster
Cappuccino · 10/09/2008 10:09

hmm, yes, you are all very good

however this friendship means more to her than it does to the friend iyswim

and look, sarnies are a faff. I have worked out a system where I only have to make them 3 days of the week. I like that system.

it makes me happy

I will however ask her about Friend's days and see if she can swop

OP posts:
cupsoftea · 10/09/2008 10:09

hana - it's useful to remind kids that they also run the show & don't have to follow requests.

n5rje · 10/09/2008 10:10

At my DSs school they have just changed from mixing up dinners ans sandwiches on the tables to having dinners on one side of the hall and sandwiches on the other and my first thought was what a bad idea as its bound to lead to children wanting to eat whatever their friends have on a particular day. I don't know what the reason for the change is (new head teacher) and luckily it hasn't caused a problem for me yet but I suspect it will in the future. For many reasons, cost being a big one, my DSs all have packed lunches and I certainly don't want to have arguements about it because the seating has been changed. Good luck with you DD cappuccino.

Dropdeadfred · 10/09/2008 10:10

really? you would have her miss out so you don't have to make her a sandwich ??

frankbestfriend · 10/09/2008 10:11

I would let her have lunches with her friend. The social aspect of school is so important and it is awful to sit on your own in the dinner hall.
Is it really that much hassle to make a packed lunch on the days she chooses?

Sorry, but I think YABU.

Original poster
Cappuccino · 10/09/2008 10:11

she can't make her own sarnies; she has cerebral palsy, so it would take about twice as long for me to help her to make them as it would for me to do them myself

and I know at some point I have to do this but not now

I have to fit in physio in the morning routine as well

we are like tightly wound springs in the Coffee House in the mornings

OP posts:
Uriel · 10/09/2008 10:11

Can you make them the night before?

Original poster
Cappuccino · 10/09/2008 10:12

she's not sitting on her own

she has another friend - who likes her more than School Dinner friend, though she is obsessed with School Dinner friend - who takes sandwiches

OP posts:
frankbestfriend · 10/09/2008 10:13

Also, I think it is a bit much to ask another parent to change so you don't have to make sandwiches. It only takes 5 minutes surely?

hana · 10/09/2008 10:13

cups of tea - I don't understand?

cupsoftea · 10/09/2008 10:15

When my kids come home with something like this I'd want them to know they could also equally request their friends change to suit them - or find a middle ground.

Dropdeadfred · 10/09/2008 10:16

I really think this is one of those little things that is easy enough to do and would give your daughter pleasure - why not do it?

frankbestfriend · 10/09/2008 10:16

Agree with Uriel. Make them the night before. I thought that's what everyone did anyway.
I would say, pick your battles, and this is an issue that is not worth making a huge stand about.

ummadam · 10/09/2008 10:16

TBH, if she can't make her own and isn't on her own at lunch I would suggest a different compromise maybe letting her have lunches with her school dinner friend one day a week but the rest of the week sticking to your original plan.

It may be worth querying with the school why they have to be separate. This was eventually successfully appealed at our school (but I was only 8 so it was quite some time ago ) .

Swipe left for the next trending thread