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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I decide when dd has school lunches, right? Not her friends?

60 replies

Cappuccino · 10/09/2008 10:01

I know I am right I am just having a wobble

I want dd1's school lunches to be on the days I don't have to make sandwiches for dd2 at preschool to make it easier for ME

she wants school lunches on the day her friend has them so they can sit together

we had a big meltdown this morning

I am right aren't I? Or am I Bad Mummy who is ruining her social time? (she's 7)

OP posts:
titchy · 10/09/2008 10:18

Stick to your guns. I am reasonably sure she won't be sitting on her own. Of course if she really is the ONLY child in her year that has school lunch then yes maybe YABU, but she won't be and it could be a good opportunity for her to chat to other friends rather than just one.

And no I have never, and do not ever intend to make a packed lunch for my dcs. EVER. Way too much faff. 5 minutes extra in bed in the morning or make packed lunch? 5 minutes at night making sarnies or 5 minutes extra TV? Easy! Plus having to just THINK about what to put in them that is healthy, that they'll eat, that doesn't completely alienate them from what everyone else has. NO WAY!

Oh and if they have a cooked meal then less pressure to cook a hot meal for them for tea - admittedly I usually do cook tea for them but occasionally when Ive had a really busy day at work and there are clubs they need taxiing to and from I really can't be ar$ed!

ConnorTraceptive · 10/09/2008 10:18

sandwich's are a faff I agree!

Dropdeadfred · 10/09/2008 10:20

WOW - I really am suprised.

frankbestfriend · 10/09/2008 10:21

Good grief, what are you all putting in these packed lunches that it is so much work?
Admittedly they are a bit tiresome but it's not exactly doing a shift down t'pit is it?

seeker · 10/09/2008 10:21

Helping children maintain their friendships is very important. Worth more than 5 minutes of your time, IMHO. Mkae her a sandwich. Some poeple freeze them - don't know whether this is an option. But making a packed lunch is really not a big deal...!

MsPontipine · 10/09/2008 10:23

As you are after opinions I will add mine and say yes yab slightly u. Your dd has a reason that is really important to her and it would only take a little rearranging to please her. I always make packed lunches at night - too much flap in the morning wihout adding to it.

Any chance of changing dd2's pre-school days??!

SmugColditz · 10/09/2008 10:24

Good Lord, you lot, you don't make them in the morning! No wonder you think they're a faff! You make them the night before, put them in the fridge, then in the morning you grab and go!

TheHedgeWitch · 10/09/2008 10:24

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QuintessentialShadow · 10/09/2008 10:25

I make two packed lunches dail. I start making the day before, I put the fruit, the youghurt and raisins or other dried fruit in the lunchbox and refridgerate. The next day, I add a sandwich, or left over dinner stuff that they love cold in the box. Takes less than a minute.

TheHedgeWitch · 10/09/2008 10:25

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RnB · 10/09/2008 10:26

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bozza · 10/09/2008 10:34

You could always follow the latest mumsnet craze and make them at the same time as DD2's and then stick them in the freezer until the appropriate day when the appropriate child has packed lunches.

Otherwise I would stick to what you are doing personally. She is 7, so in Y2/3 not reception. At our school you are not allowed to chop and change either. It is one or the other.

Original poster
Cappuccino · 10/09/2008 10:35

god obv I am so very wrong

I guess I think, why should we all organise our lives around this friend, who isn't really that much of a friend? I guess there is more background in my head that I realised.

the friend was a good friend in Reception. It is now Yr 3 and Friend has moved on. dd1 has not. She is forever saying 'can we have her round' and I am saying 'we have had her round, it is her turn'

and obv Friend never pesters her mum for this so dd1 is not invited back

I want dd1 to appreciate that friendships are 2-sided, they don't involve bending over backwards to spend time with someone who isn't doing the same for you

OP posts:
IDoEverything · 10/09/2008 10:37

Sorry YABU.

I think when you decided to have children, you relinquished the right to say "I am doing xxxx because it is easier for ME" with regards to lots of things.

And this is one of them.

Your dd's social interactions in school are far far more important than the 5 minutes of your time it takes to make a packed lunch.

bozza · 10/09/2008 10:37

capp you are not wrong. I don't think everyone has got the subtleties of the one-sided friendship. You are actually encouraging her to explore new friendships.

snorris · 10/09/2008 10:39

I'm unreasonable in that case as I wouldn't change to fit in with the friends,certainly not on a regular basis. I hate making lunches at any time but I have to do them as there's no choice at my dds' schools.

IDoEverything · 10/09/2008 10:40

Possibly you are right to be dubious with regards this particular friendship given your decription of it.

However, that is a separate issue to the lunchbox thing. If you want to talk to your dd about this girl and maybe subtly encourage other friendships, that's fine. But you cannot force the issue. It has to be her decision.

The lunch box issue should not come into it.

TheHedgeWitch · 10/09/2008 10:43

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islandofsodor · 10/09/2008 10:43

YANBU

I had this argument with dd last year. Everyone has school lunches so it was an argument about whether she had the hot lunch or sandwich option as they go up to get them in a certain order.

I said she had to have a hot dinner on the day ds was in nursery (and so was getting a hot dinner) so that I could do them both sandwiches for tea as when dd has sandwhiches for lunch she is starving at tea-time wheras ds isn't hungry if he has a hot meal.

I also insisted she had a hot lunch on ballet night when she doesn't get in til late so eats late.

FAQ · 10/09/2008 10:45

Get her to make her own - DS1 will be 8 next week and has been making his own packed lunch for ages

Original poster
Cappuccino · 10/09/2008 10:46

Hedgewitch if it wasn't this friend, I'd consider it

honesty

I'm going to talk to her tonight and see what days Friend has lunches so I can look at swopping

but I am concerned, tbh, that Friend really won't want to sit next to her every time

I'm so desperate for her not to get hurt

OP posts:
TheHedgeWitch · 10/09/2008 10:49

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Ashantai · 10/09/2008 10:58

Sorry i think YABU

Cripes, its not that hard to wake a few mins earlier and make an extra packed lunch surely!

ingles2 · 10/09/2008 11:02

Wow..can't believe everyone is saying make the sandwiches
you all must be much nicer than me...
I decide what the dc's are eating and when in the Ingles household. Over the years I've had, my friend is swopping to packed lunches...oh but now they're swopping back to hot dinners... you could never keep up and I imagine girls are more prone to this than boys.
I would stick to your guns Capp, you have good reason to. Less hassle for you,... a nice hot dinner in Winter and the chance for your dd to make other friends and not just relying on 1

ingles2 · 10/09/2008 11:04

of course I mean swap...not swop

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