... to hate people that bring their own food to parties?

[trumpetgirl]

My dd has been to a few parties recently and I have noticed that some people have brought food for their children and I assumed that their child must have allergies or something.
I have just found out that actually they just don't want their child eating the crap party food.
Should I feel offended by this? Are they implying that I'm a terrible mother for letting my dd eat crisps and cake for her tea? If not, then why do they have a problem letting their kid eat it?
It's a one off, a treat. What's the flipping problem with that?!

essentially yes a sly way of showing off ones (assumed) propsperity.so rich that only overpriced thai massaged cows producing beef will do dahling

and all the little foody quirks and pseudo-allergies.that of course can only be treated by an over priced quack in a healing centre dispensing big pricey placebo's

think its rude unless a kid has allergise !! mums who bring there own are wannabbe stuck up snobs(oo look at me my kids are healthy) kids partys are all about kids having fun ! i only ever had one mum come not bring her own food but told daughter what she was allowed and not allowed i has some white bread some brown bread sandwiches plus all the normal kids stuff i also alway do enough for parents to ! and most love it ihad a party yestterday for my 8 year old 18 kids it was mad !! but guess what the kids enjoyed it !
and they ate loads of party food to ! and went home happy with a big party bag and big slice of birthday cake to oh and i was mean to i made sure all the kids had a whistle to for on the way home of course oh and by the way my kids do eat healthy just not at partys !!!

yes FJ i think it's in Junior - have just read mine.

i think it's unbelievably rude. we tried to keep ds1 from chocolate till he was 2 (about 2 months ago) but would never have done this!

Could you imagine being the 2 or 3 yr old that wasn't allowed the same as the other kids? ds1 would just have a total meltdown

DS is only 18 months so perhaps I speak too soon but I dont really get the hostility on here? Is it really sooooo rude?

Parties arent really one offs - they are pretty regular events around here and if you are someone who is very conscious about such things I can see why they bring their own.

It is a bit neurotic and I am far too lazy to do the same but why get all worked up about it? Just think "poor kids and relax a bit mum". But I wouldnt start getting worked up about rudeness.

i dont see hostility i do see incredulity!do you really need to ask if it is rude?

yes it is rude to bring own food clear implicit message you are inadequte/not good enough for their precious wee one

Agree scottishmummy!"
Get the flags out; we're actually agreeing!!

do we disagree?

nah; never......
All the bloody time, more like!
But agree with you here.

really cant remember?aye well anyhow back to food.turn my snitch up at free food.no way

That's good. I'm not notoriosu for arguing then..

I guess I don't see it like that, ScottishMummy. I wouldn't take it so personally. Not so much you are inadequate etc but rather DC is so precious.

Which I am not saying is not OTT but the fact is that there is often a lot of crap at children's parties and children can react badly to it.

Whenever a parent does something that I consider precious I might have a quite snigger about it but I don't consider it rude iyswim.

stillstanding i'm with scottishmummy on this one - it's saying "what you're giving is not good enough for my lo".

i was quite bad with ds1's eating habits - all organic etc etc and now make jokes about my behaviour as it was so embarassingly precious

i never took our own food to parties though or stopped him eating something crap.

i am poncy rice cake organic healthy mum,yes siree but party time is different,refuse nowt

It is rude to snub someone's hospitality, saying basically 'thanks all the same I bought my own.'

It's rude for adults, and on behalf of your children.

Obviously allergies are differnt, that is beyond your control and more important than rudenss and hurt feelings.

Manners and feelings more imporant than rigid food monitroing imo.

Even if you have a party a week, if they eat healthily at home they will be fine.

I wondeer what these mothers think will actually happen if the kid eats a crisp/cocktail sausage/chocolate cake??

If you really feel you cannot graciously accept the hospitality offered you should refuse the invite.

Oh come on, Bringback. I think - as I must admit I quite often think on some of these threads! - that everyone should just RELAX.

If someone wants to bring their own food ... WHATEVER. There are a lot of different parenting styles out there, some of which to me are sheer lunancy but if it is not dangerous or unsafe and does not affect my DCs then each to their own I say.

I don't take it personally and just can't get worked up about it.

I definitely do not think that anyone needs to be ostracised and not got to any parties on account of this.

But maybe that is because I am of the view that when I am acting hostess I consider it part of the gracious hospitality that I am offering to ensure that everyone is comfortable and happy and having a good time and if that involves them eating their own food, well so be it. Glad they are there and happy and celebrating DS's birthday.

There are many reasons parents might bring their own food to a party for their child.

My niece is a particularly fussy eater, and will only eat certain foods which may have been caused by severe reflux when she was younger, so rather than let her feel left out at parties when all the other kids are eating her parents take some basics along just incase. Then she can sit with the other kids and eat, but if she wants the party food (which she normally doesn't) she can have it.

Actaully if you see me earlier post on this thread, I said I wouldn't so much be offended as just inclined to dislike such a controlling neuritic knd of person.

I still think it's rude though. I am a vegetarian and have on occason been to buffets where veggies were nor catered for (except for crisps), I would still smile, eat crisps and tell the host I was having a lovely time and not mentined lack of food and certainly not bring my own in.

The gracious behaviour is beholden to both the guest and the host imo.

But rice cake Mummy it would stil irritate me more then offend me, I would thiunk 'Hmm we are unlikey to have in common you obsessive, controlling freak.'

But I would just smile and offer the cakes around.

My post from yesterady:

'are there really people who do this???

If I met one I would certainly dislike them as controlling obsessiveness is a most unattractive trait.

In fact I'd proably dislike them alot, but not hate them.

I wouldn't be offended though.

They're the wierdy bad mannered ones, I'm the rational laid back one who has her priorities in the right place.

I wouldn't be offenede I'd bask in her rationalness.'

Hmmm ... I think we are probably more on the same page then, Bringback. Know what you mean about not having much in common with such sorts.

On the vegetarian side, I have a friend who is vegetarian who always offers to bring her own food when she comes to dinner. I have always been appalled at the idea and refused and always catered for her separately if we were having meat for main etc.

Anyway when we had her round a couple of weeks ago we went through the usual email exchange of shall i bring something/no don't worry i will have it covered etc and then she sent through the longest list of all the things she couldn't eat. (She is getting married soon and is on some unfathomable diet.) I was completely flummoxed and didnt really know what to feed her as everything I could think of fell into one of the categories. In the end she didnt come (for unrelated reasons I hasten to add) but I was discussing the dilemma with a mutual friend and she was saying that I really should have taken up the veggie friend's offer. The veggie knows what she likes/wants to eat and is probably far more capable of coming up with something delicious for herself that meets all her criteria than I am.

I am not sure I could ever do this but it did make me think that probably my attitude is not the most polite one or the one that makes either of us happiest.

But I digress ....

I don't believe MadameCastafiore. I think she must be joking. It would be a shocking shocking example to your children to teach them to despise a gift.
I would wish the food was healthier, campaign about food in school, always ask party venues why they don't do better quality etc etc but this? this has to be a joke.

ahem woah!bonnie as you know i am said self confessed rice cake mummy dont hold it against me

so do you still think Hmm we are unlikely to have in common you obsessive, controlling freak.....LOL or can we blether (over a rice cake) i am vegetarian and have attended do's with minimal or no veggie i wouldn't say anything though, just nibble what i could

If rice cake Mummy means you generally try to feed your kids well, then we'd get along gereat.

If rice cake mummy means anxiously vetting every morsel that ever passes your DC lips and that has become your priority in life and you have lost all sense of proportion about it(often along with cleanliness obsession ime) then our wonderful frindship would flounder on the rocks.

It's not just food actually, I find obsesive rule driven anal types about anything rather dull.

You won't find me in pendants corner(as you can proabably tell!!

well what do you think!food is supposed to be social pleasurable activity not an angst battle

basically yes i do offer healthy to hopefully set good foundations but am pragmatic enough to know balance and choice are important too

i think if you are too controlling and certain foods are forbidden then paradoxically you set them up as desirable

chose your battles wisely,stuff that matters discipline,behaviour not a flipping monster munch or sausage roll

yanbu - allegies should be only exception.

yanbu - allegies should be only exception.