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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want people to treat me like a proper mother!!

156 replies

teenagemumANDPROUD · 05/09/2008 21:22

im so jealous of all you adult MNers

being a teen mum SUCKS. yes i've heard on condoms and yes they sometimes split.

nobody treats you like a mum if your a teenager they treat you like a silly little kid.

i am a good mum! dp is a good dad! why does it matter that im 15! ds gets just as good a childhood as you do and i'm still a straight A/B student, and dp is getting a degree

i am not scrounging money off you via benefits, i dont live in a council house, my parents do not raise my little boy

SO LEAVE US ALONE

sorry i've seen one to many documenteries about crappy teenage parents. its not an excuse to be a bad parent if your under 18!!

ive changed my name to avoid the backlash of this...

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 05/09/2008 23:22

no-one has said that any teenage mums should have had an abortion/
ffs. Kerrymum said it was an alternative to having the child, when confronted by YOU asking her what the alternative would be.

and it is a valid alternative, for anyone faced with an unwanted/unplanned pregnancy. yes, it is a bloody horrible decision to make. but I think that any very young girl who accidentally falls pregnant ought to know that it is an option.

thisisyesterday · 05/09/2008 23:24

EC, that post was directed at hollyandnoah who said that older mums shouldn't suggest things like terminations to teenagers.

I am not sure why not.

she wasn't suggesting that they should be forced into it.
that would always be the choice of the mother. but correct info and counselling should be offered

honeybehappy · 05/09/2008 23:26

when i was pregnant with dd1 i was 20 and i went shopping one day and all i remember is the disaproving looks from older people.
FFS i am an adult but all they see is a young girl.

Theres this one lady who actually tutted and said i must be a single mum and i fucking love it when i see her down town with my dp and dd's.

hollyandnoah · 05/09/2008 23:26

Okay, sorry tiy and km, i shouldn't have taken it the way i did. It felt like you suggegsted that teenagers who fall pg should terminate.
I know i asked the alternative but i didnt think any mum would consider a termination. Just the way i think though i guess! Sorry.
I realise a termination must be very tough.
I thought that you were given that option anyway, my own docter asked me if i was happy at the begining of my pregnancy.
Kerrymum i want to say sorry for being so cold and bitchy towards your personal life.

ScottishMummy · 05/09/2008 23:27

oh KM nae bluster.you're so not hard just a bit crabbit at times

babbi · 05/09/2008 23:27

Enjoy your little boy , my darling nephew was born to teen parents. My now sister-in-law was told by her parents to "get rid of the baby ie abortion " but my parents took her in , she actually was given my bedroom to make her more comfortable but thats another story !!
Anyway my nephew is now 12 , a lovely boy adored by us all - his parents have now been married 9 years and he has a little sister and brother .
Yes she and my brother were young (18) but they did their very best and we all helped them .

PinkTulips · 05/09/2008 23:30

and have you read much about them?

they often don't receive the medical treatment they need as they go for cheap clinics and fly over and back that same day so receive no after care.

they often don't tell their parnets why they are going so do all of this without their parent sbeing aware of it.... can you imagine the thought of your child traveling to another country for an invasive medical procedure that will seriously psychologically challange her and coming and coming home and eating dinner as if nothing has happened, you never knowing?

and those girls, how do they get the money for flights, cabs and treatment at 16 years old if they haven't told their parents? disturbing thought no? abortions cost between 450 and 750 sterling, plus a couple of hundred for flights and cabs.

the crisis pregnancy agency has actually managed to reduce the number of women traveling for abortions as with proper councelling more opt to keep their babies.... can you imagine their mental health if they'd terminated in haste a baby they later chose to keep?

the key is support and councelling for those girls who do get pregnant so they can make a fully informed rational decision.... not terminate in a panic.

jimjamshaslefttheyurt · 05/09/2008 23:33

ethanchristopher

Be proud of who you are. You sound a great mum. I couldn't have done it at 15. Be proud that you can.

People judge me everytime I walk out the door because of my disabled child (and I'm ancient at 37 ) Just hold your head up high and know they couldn't do what you do.

xxx

KerryMum · 05/09/2008 23:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thisisyesterday · 05/09/2008 23:34

I agree pinktulips.
all women, no matter what age, and especially particularly young girls who are more vulnerable should have all their options fully explored and given counselling.

I cannot imagine how scary and horrible it would be to have to go to another country for an abortion without your parents knowing

I am totally pro-choice, and if someone really believes a termination is best for them then I don't think they should be refused one.
it's very easy for an older person to know their rights, to go GB and get a termination.

but for a teenager that's a HUGE thing isn't it? and yet surely they deserve the right to choice as well??

PinkTulips · 05/09/2008 23:35

sorry, that was to KM about irish options. not really relevant to the rest of you, lol

hollyandnoah · 05/09/2008 23:35

pinktulips,

I had no idea any of this. I didnt know it was illegal in ireland. Do they get flights over to scotland/england usually, or further afield?
Imagine that? How sad

ethanchristopher · 05/09/2008 23:36

kerry mum (and im not startin a fight here)

do you beleive that all girls under 18 who get pregnant should for the benefit of everyone have a termination?

thisisyesterday · 05/09/2008 23:36

the thing is, if you don't have supportive parents, and you're young and basically alone in a country where abortion is illegal then your choices are really quite horrendous.
(if it's an abortion you want)

PinkTulips · 05/09/2008 23:37

god my typing is slow tonight!

jimjamshaslefttheyurt · 05/09/2008 23:37

It used to be illegal in northern ireland, let alone ireland. Is it still?

KerryMum · 05/09/2008 23:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ethanchristopher · 05/09/2008 23:38

for the child, for the mother, for the family (who may have to contribute a considerable amount of money and time)

thisisyesterday · 05/09/2008 23:39

By KerryMum on Fri 05-Sep-08 23:17:18
but again, I did not say they should have a termination - just that it was an option that should be looked at, especially for very young girls.

jimjamshaslefttheyurt · 05/09/2008 23:39

Oh come on KM- it;s easier for a lot of families not to have t deal with a teenage pregnancy., Remember ethanchristopher has been through it recently

jimjamshaslefttheyurt · 05/09/2008 23:40

God I got enough hassle from my extended family for getting pregnant with ds3 and I was married and in my 30's. God knows what it would have been like as a 15 year old.

KerryMum · 05/09/2008 23:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thisisyesterday · 05/09/2008 23:44

lol jimjams, that made me laugh because we are thinkikng of ttc number 3 and I am scared of what my mum will sy and I am 28 lol

Mamazon · 05/09/2008 23:44

EC - at the end of the day if you are doing the best you can by your child then that is all any of us can hope to do.

Your age shouldn't come into it. it certainly wouldn't have here unless you (as you have) brought it up.

discussions as to the ethics of teenage parents should be kept to a seperate thread IMHO.

PinkTulips · 05/09/2008 23:44

hollyandnoah..... some go to holland as well apparently but most to great britain. about 10 a day.

i think every women has the right to choice but i strongly belive that choice should involve councelling and time to consider and should be based on health issues (mental and physical) not convenience.

the crisis pregnancy agencies are great as they provicde all options including the traveling for abortion one but they also offer councelling before a woman makes her decision.

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