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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be shocked and dismayed that DS has been invited to a joint party.

421 replies

SparklyDiscoGirl · 03/09/2008 13:23

This party is going to be in a soft-play centre and it is a joint party between 4 of the boys in his class.

AIBU to think that this is a total cop-out on behalf of the parents involved?

DS is friends with all 4 of the boys and so it will be impossible to do anything excpet buy a present each for all 4 boys.

The parents who are planning this party clearly realise that this will be the predicament for all of the parents of invited children and yet are going ahead with this ludicrous plan regardless.

AIBU to think this is just taking the whole joint party thing waaay too far?

OP posts:
KVC · 03/09/2008 16:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

SoupDragon · 03/09/2008 16:04

How ridiculous. I couldn't care less how many children the party is hosted by, I buy a present for each host child that the DSs are friends with.

almostblue · 03/09/2008 16:06

I haven't actually turned up at a child's party without a present, no.

However:

I have purchased presents for children for whom there was no party.

I have given second-hand toys, outgrown by dcs as presents.

I have given duplicate presents from previous dcs parties as gifts for other children.

I have put together boxes of 'crafty' stuff from the free stash at work for presents.

I have given cheap/free gifts to children whose wealthy parents have bought extravagent presents for my own children in the past.

And I have spent more money than is sensible, when I have had it, and when I've seen something that I know a specific child would love.

I had no idea I would be judged by anyone for any of this.

Original poster
SparklyDiscoGirl · 03/09/2008 16:10

None of that answers my point.

Have you ever gone to a party and taken a present when you know deep down that you probably would not have bought a present for that child if he/she had not had a party?

If so, surely that is present giving in return for the party invitation which is what I seem to be getting flamed for?

OP posts:
ImnotMamaGbutsheLovesMe · 03/09/2008 16:13

What does that matter? Most people don't buy a gift for a child they hardly know if there isn't a party to go too to give the gift at. It isn't giving to receive.

You are saying you will give one present for an invite from four boys? What is the problem?

SoupDragon · 03/09/2008 16:15

No, what you're getting flamed for is whinging that you've got to buy 4 presents for 4 of your son's friends when there's only 1 party. That's not the same as saying you wouldn't buy a present for a child who's not having a party.

bundle · 03/09/2008 16:16

the dragon is right
as per

almostblue · 03/09/2008 16:16

I did answer that point, actually - it's implicit in the first statement I made.

If I understand your stance correctly, you have no problem with taking four presents.

As long as the four sets of parents each pay as much for the party as you would for a celebration for a single child of yours.

I cannot get my head around that attitude at all...

Original poster
SparklyDiscoGirl · 03/09/2008 16:16

No that is not what I am saying.

If the invite is worded as from all 4 boys, how can we possibly turn up with 1 present?

OP posts:
nametaken · 03/09/2008 16:16

Sparkly you are digging yourself an even deeper hole with that comment.

You said your ds was friends with all the children in your original post - now you're saying if they didn't have a party you wouldn't buy them a present.

I sincerely hope no-one like you ever sent their kids to any of my kids parties over the years. I've got twins, so - SHOCK HORROR - people had to buy 2 gifts and only got one party.

nametaken · 03/09/2008 16:18

In all seriousness Sparkly, why don't you just stay home?

almostblue · 03/09/2008 16:18

I can't be arsed to scroll back, but roughly speaking, the quote was:

"So each set of parents pays £1.50 per child invited, and expects to drive away with a car-full of £10 presents..."

And you're surprised you're being, ahem, robustly challenged?

Kewcumber · 03/09/2008 16:18

if you don;t feel that you know all the boys well enough to have been invited if they had separate parties then buy what you would nromally buy for the one who is yoru DS's freinds and a token present for the others.

What they spend on the party is irrelevant.

Original poster
SparklyDiscoGirl · 03/09/2008 16:18

No no no - it's not about the money. It's about the party.

If all 4 boys had small house parties that cost the parents the same as the quarter of the soft play bill they will be paying, I would happily buy 4 presents at the cost of my chosing.

But that would be in polite response to 4 party invitations. Not the money - the invitation.

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 03/09/2008 16:20

Why would you turn up with 1 present?? It would never cross my mind to turn up with anything other than a present for each of the children my DS was friends with regardless of how many birthday children the party was "hosted" by. I would envy them for being able to find several people to share the cost with TBH. DS2's party cost £20 per child this year!

Kewcumber · 03/09/2008 16:21

so spend a quarter on each boy that you would have spent if they invited to a differnt party each. Would that make you feel better?

traceybath · 03/09/2008 16:21

I have never turned up at a party without a gift but have had one person do this to my son's party but i know she's just got divorced and has 3 children and my DS has more than enough toys.

I have also recycled gifts where he's received duplicates.

I hate children's parties as do most parents i know and agree with others who said it buggers up your weekend.

They're also bloody expensive. My DS's party which was joint still cost me about £200 and a lot of bloody effort in terms of doing catering/hiring hall/bouncy castle etc etc.

I was soooo glad when it was over and next year its just going to be a few little friends round for birthday tea.

SoupDragon · 03/09/2008 16:21

It is about the money because you feel aggrieved that you're not getting enough parties for your presents.

bundle · 03/09/2008 16:21

but soupy we were invited to a party which turned out to be joint - but only took a present for the child who invited us - what's wrong with that?

almostblue · 03/09/2008 16:21

Ok, then. Try pretending to yourself that you've been invited to FOUR separate parties.

They each cost a quarter of the soft play bill.

They just happen to be taking place on the same day.

At the same time.

At the soft play place.

Better?

FFS!

Idoubtit · 03/09/2008 16:22

Silly thread, shocked and dismayed? You need to get out more. I'd be embarassed to have started a ridiculous thread like this.

Surfermum · 03/09/2008 16:23

Most of the parties dd went to last year were people we wouldn't have bought presents for if she hadn't been invited.

It doesn't matter. The cost of the present doesn't have to equal the cost to the parents of putting on the party.

It's a gesture. It's a way of saying thank you for inviting me and I hope you have a lovely birthday. I buy what I can afford or think is a nice present. The parents put on the sort of party they can afford or the sort of party they want to hold. It's up to them, I'm just grateful that their child likes dd enough to invite her. When I think about it every invite gives me a warm fuzzy because I think dd is doing ok on the socialising side.

The pounds and pennies don't come into it.

SoupDragon · 03/09/2008 16:24

Nothing is wrong with that at all, Bundle. We've done the same. I would buy presents for whoever invited DS, sometimes it's all the hosts and sometimes not. I wouldn't buy a gift for a joint host that DS didn't know though.

Elasticwoman · 03/09/2008 16:24

Are you a joint-party-copout-mum yourself then Idoubtit?

MadameCastafiore · 03/09/2008 16:24

Just get them a £5 book token each!

We had joint party for DD and a little boy in her class - meant the kids got a better day - bigger place to play, better goodie bags and the whole class got invited rather than the 15 people I could have invited if I were paying on my own.