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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be shocked and dismayed that DS has been invited to a joint party.

421 replies

SparklyDiscoGirl · 03/09/2008 13:23

This party is going to be in a soft-play centre and it is a joint party between 4 of the boys in his class.

AIBU to think that this is a total cop-out on behalf of the parents involved?

DS is friends with all 4 of the boys and so it will be impossible to do anything excpet buy a present each for all 4 boys.

The parents who are planning this party clearly realise that this will be the predicament for all of the parents of invited children and yet are going ahead with this ludicrous plan regardless.

AIBU to think this is just taking the whole joint party thing waaay too far?

OP posts:
bundle · 03/09/2008 15:30

"But seeing as they are all together, you feel obliged to buy each boy a present. "

why?

belgo · 03/09/2008 15:31

I would get them all one of those small packs of lego, I think they cost about 2/3 pounds each. Lego is always a good present.

Original poster
SparklyDiscoGirl · 03/09/2008 15:32

But I would not see 4 separate afternoons going to parties as 'wasted afternoons'.

If I asked DS would he like to go to 1 party or 4, I now what the answer would be!

OP posts:
herbietea · 03/09/2008 15:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Snaf · 03/09/2008 15:32

Haven't read whole thread, but am sure am not the only one to be shocked and dismayed at your shock and dismay

Farkin hell, I wish I had your problems...

cthea · 03/09/2008 15:33

I spend £10-12 for each present, times that by 4 and it gets to quite an expensive weekend. It would make more sense financially for me to spread the cost out over several parties and my DS would enjoy 4 parties more than 1. I can see why it makes sense financially for the birthday children but I think more than 2 is expecting a bit much of the other parents. I guess it's down to money, really, and we each look after our own first.

sitdownpleasegeorge · 03/09/2008 15:33

SDG.

Could you not be charitable about the financial straights that has led to these parents clubbing together to afford the party.

I find it crass that you are pricing up the cost of the party per parent against the cost of your present.

We've had some clearly £10 and above presents which have actually been expensive crap whereas we had a supermarket brand kite (I'm guessing £1.99) which ds1 and dh had loads of fun with. The parents of child who gave him that kite are seriously not well off iykwim but ds does not assess the value of things yet and we certainly don't want him to for as long as possible as it makes for a more level playing field amongst bthe children if parents don't pass on their vulgar grasping ways to their kids.

You are forgetting the massive plus side to this invite, hopefully there'll only be one party bag's worth of tat to further clutter up your home. .

ds1 went to a joint (2 birthday child party) and just took a present for the child that was his friend. If your child is friends with more than one of the four then he'd have been invited to more parties and and you'd have been buying just as many presents if there wasn't a joint party. Stop letting the other parent's good fortune at agreeing to jointly host the party blind you with jealousy over the saving they have achieved.

daftpunk · 03/09/2008 15:35

lazylinepainterjane;
not what im saying at all, every party i go to i spend the same amount, usually about £15 with the card, and thats whether the party is a small tea party or whether the parents have hired chessington world of adventures for the day. i don't sit and calculate the cost. but you have to admit..a party with 4 children is too many.

and maybe i would have been invited to 4 seperate parties anyway (?) but they would be spread out over a month or so.

belgo · 03/09/2008 15:36

15 pounds? Gosh that's a lot.

I get my children to make a card, saves on the cost of that.

Bringbackmybonnietome · 03/09/2008 15:36

Your upset seems to basically be, that you are not going to get value for your money.

If you buy 4 preents, you want 4 parties so you feel you got good value.

I think your attitude is deeply unpleasant.

Original poster
SparklyDiscoGirl · 03/09/2008 15:37

Thank you daftpunk.

You have managed to explain what I was trying to get across somewhat more eloquently.

OP posts:
cthea · 03/09/2008 15:38

We also try and get DS to make the birthday card but by the kind of presents he receives I don't think he could turn up with a packet of pencils and some fir cones.

daftpunk · 03/09/2008 15:38

lol..not what i'm saying at all.

i would never have a party with 3 other children..i would be too embarrassed. i would rather fund the full cost of the party myself...so how does that make me tight?

mummyhill · 03/09/2008 15:42

"I should also point out that the soft play center will not be closed for this party. Still open to the public, so the parents of the party people pay £1.50 each per invited child and expect each invited child to bring 4 presents."

Actually you will probably find it is costing the parents more than that. The soft play establishments usually charge about £6/child and for that you get a longer play than a usual session and a meal. I think it is very sensible to share the cost and as others have said it is much easier to go to one party than 4 and you would of had to buy 4 presents to go to 4 parties anyway.

poorbuthappy · 03/09/2008 15:43

Just to trump everyone, I have been quoted £15.20 per child for 1 of the soft play centres in Cardiff...needless to say that is the only place in a 30mile radius of my house cos I've left it too late so she's having it at home cos I am simply not paying that for a party.

Does everyone really hate BD parties?
The weather's shite, I don't have a huge amount of money to spend this month so to be honest would welcome a few weekends spent at soft play with dd playing and being fed...

and I do actually see the point which is trying to be made - have any of the mn's on this thread actually turned up to a birthday party without taking a pressie?

daftpunk · 03/09/2008 15:44

no problem sparklydiscogirl..... and no, yanbu

Ronaldinhio · 03/09/2008 15:46

What bbmbtm said

Issy · 03/09/2008 15:48

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at OP's request

almostblue · 03/09/2008 15:49

"We also try and get DS to make the birthday card but by the kind of presents he receives I don't think he could turn up with a packet of pencils and some fir cones."

nervousal · 03/09/2008 15:50

and we haven't even gotten into the whole "who gets invited to the reciprocal DD/DS birthday party?". I mean, if the 4 parents have only shelled out for one party should only one of their children be invited to your own Dcs party? Or if you buy each one a birthday present do they all get to come - as long as they all bring presents? Or should they all come but bring one joint present?????

Dear God thanks goodness I haven't had the stress of a joint party to worry about yet.

LittleMyDancing · 03/09/2008 15:51

"So party parents expect to pay £1.50 per invited child and walk away with car fulls of £10 presents." - wow, now I see. they're only in it for profit.

Perhaps you should invoice the party parents for the difference between what you reckon they spent on the party and the amount you spent on the presents?

Then it would all be fair and square, and noone would feel hard done by.

I am truly at this thread. Giving presents should be done as a generous act, not as a calculating exchange of favours.

poorbuthappy · 03/09/2008 15:58

But at this age the only reason you give presents is because you are invited to the party! Unless you very very close to the family outside of nursery / school you don't know when the birthdays are anyway so whilst people can claim that presents are given because we are lovely people we are actually only doing it because we are invited to the party...

unless, you ask nursery for a list of birthdays so you can get pressies for everyone in which case I will bow out of this thread now and go and beat myself up for my awful parenting skills!

bundle · 03/09/2008 16:00

i could understand if the reason was 4 lots of presents all in one go - but not re: people sharing party

Original poster
SparklyDiscoGirl · 03/09/2008 16:01

Gosh, didn't expect this to be wuite such a hornet's nest.

I would like to know (as pooubuthappy kindly raised the point):

1 - How many of you have actually turned up at a child's party without a present?

2 - And would you still have bought said present if you had not been invited to the party?

OP posts:
unknownrebelbang · 03/09/2008 16:01

Shockingly slack of me, but I've only read the OP.

YABU.

I did joint parties on a couple of occasions with DS1. So shoot me.

Didn't even consider the presents.

Did consider the cost of the party (we moved two weeks later and if we hadn't had the 1st joint party he wouldn't have had a party).

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