To be shocked and dismayed that DS has been invited to a joint party.

[SparklyDiscoGirl]

This party is going to be in a soft-play centre and it is a joint party between 4 of the boys in his class.

AIBU to think that this is a total cop-out on behalf of the parents involved?

DS is friends with all 4 of the boys and so it will be impossible to do anything excpet buy a present each for all 4 boys.

The parents who are planning this party clearly realise that this will be the predicament for all of the parents of invited children and yet are going ahead with this ludicrous plan regardless.

AIBU to think this is just taking the whole joint party thing waaay too far?

Ha ha - ever heard of the saying 'you don't give to receive'?

And if you spend £10 on each child's present then more fool you!

What's the point of getting angry with someone else about something which is within your power to do something about? Its up to the party givers to decide how to arrange the party and how much to spend on it. Its up to the guests to decide how much to spend on the present! There is no point getting narked about being 'forced' to spend more than you want - ITS ALL IN YOUR HEAD!!

Anyway I also agree that this is a ridiculously long thread for something so apparently trivial (but fascinating all the same...)

Can't believe this is still going, either.
I too just can't see the problem. Your child goes or doesn't. You spend as much as you think is appropriate. No difference if it is a party for one child or 16.

" By IllegallyBrunette on Wed 03-Sep-08 13:30:24
YABU

Go to the pound shop, buy them a colouring book, they will have Spiderman or something else suitable. Get each one a small pack of felts and bobs your uncle. "

I have been trailing around Toys R Us all morning and have completely failed to find a bobs your uncle

Seems totally reasonable to me.

YABU

Are you really shocked and dismayed.

Golly.

cthea

yes it is exactly what i meant.

And can I thank you for providing a perfect example of the bitchy and snyde types who have to have a go if you do not celebrate as they do. you made my point perfectly.

I talked about how much I will spend in the context of a discussion about err ...how much people spend.

I do not spend any money other than that which provides a party my DD will enjoy. So it includes an entertainer but it also includes paper plates and jelly. If I had a florist and china and silk covered tables that would probably be to impress other parents which is what i mean by 'showing off'.

My DD has a huge amount to deal with during the year and does so admirably. Dh and I like to make this one day just about her.

Or am I just not allowed to talk about it.

hi Sparkly: "Clearly buying 4 presents that amount to similar price I would normally spend on 1 present is the way to go."

I would agree with that. I think you are kind to try to buy a decent present. As a mother who is currently planning a joint party for my dd 5 and ds 2, I am happy that their friends turn up and all - because that is all dd (ok, ds too young) wants. And if they brought presents/card, very grateful for any tat. In fact, the less pricey the gift, the better I feel because I am throwing a party for dd's/ds' friends, not looking to bag presents to fill up the precious space in my house .

As it is, if the invite as just to dd's friend, I made no mention that it was a joint party so that they would not feel obliged to buy a gift for ds (who they don't know). And I also stated that if they were thinking of buying a present, they are free to consider an online donation to a chosen charity. So it could be that dd/ds receive no presents at all - which is fine by me because our relatives will buy them presents and that is more than enough.

Blushoes - I think your solution to joint parties is absolutely right to be honest.

I have completely admitted that I ABVVVU to be shocked and dismayed about the whole thing

BUT,(cringing writing this & praying I am not going to get flamed again) I still think that the way to go for organisers of joint parties is to divide up the invitations 4 ways so each invited guest gets an invitation from 1 boy.

That way, it is the PARTY HOSTS who are sharing the party as they have chosen to do so.

I think puting love from 'boy 1, boy 2, boy 3 & boy 4' on the invitation, passes the 'predicament' onto the guest which is a little bit rude & inconsiderate (in my humble opinion).

I thought (before I opened the thread) that your DS was a teenager and you were cross because he'd been invited round to get wasted on skunk!

You would not have been AIBU, if that had been the case. But as it is, I'm afraid...

Tell the parents that your ds would rather have a bucket or a bong/chillum.

And if you're really against the smoking thing ask them to make some cakes for him.

But with most birthday parties if you're going to be fussy about what is supplied provide your own.

Bugger me ! I thought you meant a party with MaryJane on offer...

But yes YABU. It's a way of saving money which surely is quite understandable. If one of the children is your DS's particular child I'd only buy for him. Otherwise just buy a very small token gift.

Rofl at MTR!

I still want to now how old the children are! If it was my son and his friends (who are nine) they would want all invites to be from all of them as they would love the idea of having a party held by their "gang".

Sorry - the children are 4.

Woah, woah, woah...

The children are FOUR?!

I was under the impression we were talking about school-aged boys!

They're FOUR!

To paraphrase Buzz Lightyear: It's not a party - it's a playdate, with cake.

YANBU....I would go and not take any presents...like the parents hosting...you are cutting costs aswell.

I am utterly gobsmacked that people actually see this as some sort of exchange of funds - is that all that counts? How much the host has spent on the party? How utterly selfish you are to think this way.

Do you also buy a present for individual parties according to how much you think the parents spent?

Poor, poor children.

There is NO WAY I'd turn up to a party for 2, 3 or 4 children and not take a gift for each - they are children FGS.

Hmmm, I can see the OP's point although I think "shocked and dismayed" is a bit strong.

I think it's a bit crap to have to take 4 presents for a couple of hours in a soft play. A bit inconsiderate of the parents not to have thought about that aspect of things. Gobbledigook perhaps you're a bit more affluent than most and wouldn't have a problem buying 4 presents for the same party (therefore having to pay for them at roughly the same time, out of the same budget)?

Exactly Gobbledigook. I also would never turn up at a party for 2,3,4,5,6.... children without a present for each.

Which is why I think it is slightly rude to hold such parties and put such pressure on your guests.

What if someone had a joint party for 8 children? That would be an expensive party to attend.

The cost of the party itself, I believe is totally irrelevant.

...in fact, I think I might forget the whole party thing this year and just circulate a note with a mailbox address for people to leave presents - after all it's not a reciprocal thing, is it?