Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be shocked and dismayed that DS has been invited to a joint party.

421 replies

SparklyDiscoGirl · 03/09/2008 13:23

This party is going to be in a soft-play centre and it is a joint party between 4 of the boys in his class.

AIBU to think that this is a total cop-out on behalf of the parents involved?

DS is friends with all 4 of the boys and so it will be impossible to do anything excpet buy a present each for all 4 boys.

The parents who are planning this party clearly realise that this will be the predicament for all of the parents of invited children and yet are going ahead with this ludicrous plan regardless.

AIBU to think this is just taking the whole joint party thing waaay too far?

OP posts:
BoredyHouse · 03/09/2008 16:25

almostblue - ITA with you.

OP - YABU

I'm depressed at how calculating and mercenary so many posters are. It wouldn't occur to me to see any "unfairness" in the party/present trade off.

castlesintheair · 03/09/2008 16:25

Is this a wind up?

Why don't you vote with your feet and not go if you are that shocked and dismayed by the whole ludicrous plan.

bundle · 03/09/2008 16:25

oh good, didn't want to disagree with teh dragon

Blu · 03/09/2008 16:25

Sparkly - so would it have been ok had you received 4 separate invites to the joint party - one from each boy?

SoupDragon · 03/09/2008 16:26
Cappuccino · 03/09/2008 16:27

we had a joint party with dd1's friend when they were 6

ha ha boo sucks

I never even thought about the guests, you know. Ah well. they were children after all

rofl and knowing nod at mp "I never appreciate the architectural surroundings"

castlesintheair · 03/09/2008 16:27

I wondered if that was the 'problem' too Blu: that 4 separate invites hadn't been sent.

Can't believe I am getting involved ...

Cappuccino · 03/09/2008 16:28

"If all 4 boys had small house parties"

maybe you should offer to be a party planner

you obv have very clear and decisive ideas about how it should all go down

Idoubtit · 03/09/2008 16:28

Elasticwoman my DS is too young for parties. It's just the utter trivialness of the whinge and the adamance when defending her position - makes me want to cry for the OP and her empty, wasted life.

overthemill · 03/09/2008 16:30

parties are all a bit daft these days, they are one big ego trip for many parents and the kids get lost under it. cost of presents and cost of party bags etc and the venue - all too much.

do a cinema party at the kids club (£1 each) and a pizza hut £2.49 buffet for each
then stop

snorris · 03/09/2008 16:30

If you really don't like what they're doing then maybe the best thing for you to do is turn down the invitation .

ImnotMamaGbutsheLovesMe · 03/09/2008 16:32

You know what, some people will have joint parties and expect the same amount of presents as birthday child, expect one present, expect no presents or will make it plain on the invite one present and will share out later or no presents.

No biggie.

squiffy · 03/09/2008 16:33

Fuck's sake.

Your child has friends. He gets invited to parties. You have to buy presents.

I'm sure there are plenty of mothers who watch their less popular children not getting invited to parties who would kill to have your kind of 'ishoos'

I have never in my life given a monkeys what people spend on my kids when they come to parties, and I am pretty sure that every single parent going to this party is going to spend up to a fiver on each child, tops (and bet they all buy 4 of the same present too) - it's what anyone would do in these circs.

If I knew a mother was being as miserable as you about an invite they had been sent, I would prefer her not to send her child.

TheFallenMadonna · 03/09/2008 16:39

Blimey. What a ridiculous waste of energy by the OP.

Shocked and dismayed!

Tutter · 03/09/2008 16:39

i am dreading the whole party thing

dsses are 3 and 1

hasn't really kicked in yet here

thank the stars

CatIsSleepy · 03/09/2008 16:42

god I'd be relieved to only have to go to 1 party instead of 4...
I'd be counting my blessings!

Original poster
SparklyDiscoGirl · 03/09/2008 16:42

To be honest, in some ways you have all made me think because yes, I am very grateful that we are invited at all.

And yes, obviously there are far greater things to worry about in life (my 'shocked & dismayed' title was really a bit of a pathetic attempt at an attention grabbing headline rather than a true description of my level of peevedness).

My issues really haven't come across well at all. Clearly buying 4 presents that amount to similar price I would normally spend on 1 present is the way to go.

OP posts:
VanillaPumpkin · 03/09/2008 16:44

Blimey. This is awful.
SDG - I think you are actually being far too precious about the whole thing.
You are miffed your ds is missing out on three parties that you are having to buy presents for. If you spend more than £5 on a present then more fool you.
I have done joint parties in the past, but only ever one party bag per child.
Party bags are the devils work imo, but I have not yet been brave enough to ditch them completely. One year each child got a helium balloon and one year a £1 sticker book from the Book People etc etc.
I think a joint party for four is a fabulous idea. We had one last year at our school and it was great fun for the birthday children (which is the point I think???!!!) They all felt special and had their own cake and candles (obviously).
I object to spending more on the party than I do on their present. DD1 is five and she had a tea party with two friends this year and a birthday/ family day out to the Safari Park on her actual birthday. It was perfect.

You have a bad attitude SDG. Be grateful he has been invited at all.

ImnotMamaGbutsheLovesMe · 03/09/2008 16:45
Hmm
nooka · 03/09/2008 16:46

So how old are the boys in question? My ds is nine and only gets invited to a few parties (thank goodness the whole class thing is not done at his school). So I know his friends quite well. I take ds out and we choose a present together that he thinks his friend would like. This is a pleasure to me, as they are a nice bunch of boys. dd is more sociable and gets invited to more parties. I don't know most of these girls, and so have a stock of generic girl's presents (mostly arty crafty things that I know dd would like if she was given) I try to buy these when there are offers etc. This year ds didn't get a party as we had just moved countries (we did give him a good haul of presents though) and dd will get what is in effect our going away party, as we will shortly be moving countries again.

I can imagine ds's friends loving the idea of a joint party, as they have the same circle of friends. I would give the children presents in the usual way - ie generic stuff if you don't know them, and "real" presents if you do. If the whole thing makes you so upset I would do something else that weekend.

TheFallenMadonna · 03/09/2008 16:48

Is it the way to go?

Am I misreading you, or are you viewing the gift as a quid pro quo for the party? Because that is pretty petty.

Or are you concerned about the cost of buying four presents all at the same time, in which case YANBU.

cthea · 03/09/2008 16:50

Almostblue - you shudder that I can't send DS with a packet of pencils and some fir cones and instead have to spend £10 or so on a present. Like dozens of others on this thread you are either disingenous or living in a different world to me. At 4 I think he used to get Power Rangers, Action Men and the like. You can't get those for £1.25. I don't think children would mind playing with second-hand toys but would anyone honestly even consider turning up with hand-me-downs? So save your shuddering for a more genuine cause of horror.

VanillaPumpkin · 03/09/2008 16:50

X-posted. I see you are at least now grateful he has been invited at all . Shame it needed pointing out to you though.

ImnotMamaGbutsheLovesMe · 03/09/2008 16:50

TFM - that is why I am

She is all about the money.

One invite therefore the cost of one gift into 4 presents.

almostblue · 03/09/2008 16:51

I would not only consider it, but do it (and have done it).

I think perhaps I do live in a different world from you.

Thank goodness.

Swipe left for the next trending thread