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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be shocked and dismayed that DS has been invited to a joint party.

421 replies

SparklyDiscoGirl · 03/09/2008 13:23

This party is going to be in a soft-play centre and it is a joint party between 4 of the boys in his class.

AIBU to think that this is a total cop-out on behalf of the parents involved?

DS is friends with all 4 of the boys and so it will be impossible to do anything excpet buy a present each for all 4 boys.

The parents who are planning this party clearly realise that this will be the predicament for all of the parents of invited children and yet are going ahead with this ludicrous plan regardless.

AIBU to think this is just taking the whole joint party thing waaay too far?

OP posts:
snorris · 03/09/2008 14:51

I think it's a good idea . I'm not keen on doing parties for my dc's but the dt's are desperate to have one. If I could share with others it would be ideal.

Blu · 03/09/2008 14:55

The glory of MN is that you learn just how many things people are capable of getting huffed up about!

I think we should have a 'Novel Huff of the Week' to go with tip, quote, etc!

pagwatch · 03/09/2008 15:00

MY DDs birthday party is on Sunday.
I think I will have all presents inspected at the door and eject any childs whose parents have given an unsatisfactory present.

And I will have to inspect because being only 6 DD will love all sorts of shit without realising it wasn't expensive.
Bloody kids.

Anchovy · 03/09/2008 15:00

LOL Blu - excellent idea.

I like the way it challenges me to work out whether I am "huffed" or not - thought provoking or what?! (Am not, for the record).

Bringbackmybonnietome · 03/09/2008 15:05

Yes, MN has opened my eyes to the amount of neurotic, easily offended and very very particular people there are.

I was quite unaware.

In one way it worries me that I now think I should be traeding on egg shells and wary about all I say and do, risking the 'huff' of someone everytime.

On the other hand, I am quite reassured to discover, that in fact I am very laid back and accomodating.

I had not realised this about myself till I started frequenting the wierdy world of MN.

LazyLinePainterJane · 03/09/2008 15:06

I would count myself very lucky that I only had one party to attend. The party situation round here is ridiculous, one woman had a soft play party for her 1 year old, a few weeks after someone else had one for a 2 year old. She seemed offended on my DS's behalf when I said we would not be doing one for his 3rd birthday. She came across as thinking he was awfully deprived

Just get 4 presents and stop moaning.

daftpunk · 03/09/2008 15:08

iv'e been to loads of parties where 2 friends have got together, but 4 is pushing it abit imo.

elliott · 03/09/2008 15:11

pushing what, exactly? I really don't get it...

bundle · 03/09/2008 15:12

dd1 was invited to a joint party, we just bought a present for the child who invited her

what's the problem with that?

Original poster
SparklyDiscoGirl · 03/09/2008 15:15

So many points raised, many very sensible. I will try to get my point across as diplomatically as possible:

  1. I have never bought any child a piece of plastic tat for a birthday present. I always try to buy something nice that I think the child will actually like.

  2. Similarly I never give out plastic tat in party bags and always buy small gifts at about £3 wach to give out at end of parties (usually with a bag of sweets or chocs).

3)I have politely turned down requests to do joint parties for my kids.

  1. Soft play is £6 per head. £1.50 per party parent. It is ABSOLUTELY not the done thing around here to go to a party and not take a present. Also is ABSOLUTELY not the done thing to give crap presents. So party parents expect to pay £1.50 per invited child and walk away with car fulls of £10 presents.

Now whilst I do fully agree with the whole 'not giving to recieve' thing, I would just never have the nerve to do this myself. All very well doing it to save money, but I would feel terrible if I thought that my money saving plan put others in an akward position with regards to present buying.

OP posts:
daftpunk · 03/09/2008 15:15

elliott...it's too many children, the invited parents have to buy 4 presents @ about £10 a go, thats alot of money...plus it makes the parents of the children having the party look really tight.

jesuswhatnext · 03/09/2008 15:15

you haven't got enough to worry about imvho

almostblue · 03/09/2008 15:16

Blimey, SDG - where do you live?

almostblue · 03/09/2008 15:18

Around here (and by that I mean, in my house) it's ABSOLUTELY not the done thing to give a toss about how much presents cost or how many one gets...

elliott · 03/09/2008 15:19

daftpunk there is no rule that says that presents must be bought, or £10 must be paid for them (I never spend that much!!). Nor that a certain amount of ££ must be spent on a party....would you look down on a party which was a few friends round to tea as being 'tight'??
I'm with the 'can't believe you get worked up about this' brigade.
Why not just not go?

almostblue · 03/09/2008 15:19

Oh, and by the way, as a general rule, children like 'pieces of plastic tat'.

It's parents who like/are impressed by 'something nice'.

Upwind · 03/09/2008 15:20

Spend £2.50 on each present, problem solved and YABU

Bringbackmybonnietome · 03/09/2008 15:20

The fact you have worked out the cost ratio for presents and party, says it all to me.

If that is how you think then it may seem unreasonable to you, but try to understand, most poele do not think like that.

TheDevilWearsPrimark · 03/09/2008 15:21

I don't get it. Would you prefer four seperate invitations to seperate parties, therefore wasting four seperate afternoons taking DS to the parties and collecting him, and buying presents for each anyway?

I think the mothers had a good idea to do it all at once so people wouldn't feel torn if they could make one but not the other etc.

bundle · 03/09/2008 15:23

sounds like slightly oppressive way to live

there were some boy toys in sainsbo's the other day, reduced from £7.99 to £1.57 or something

bought one for my Present Drawer (smug smile)

daftpunk · 03/09/2008 15:24

elliott..i would go, and i would buy each child a present, there is no way i could turn up with a present for just one child or a £3 pile of crap for each child (to save me money.) and no, i don't think having a little tea party is being tight..i think thats lovely. if i couldn't afford to throw a party on my own i wouldn't bother. i'd have a few close friends around for tea.

LazyLinePainterJane · 03/09/2008 15:26

So you are not annoyed that you have to buy the presents, as you would have had to anyway, had your DS been invited to 4 separate parties, as he would have been as you have said he is friends with all 4.

What you are annoyed about is that the parents have what, not spent enough out to justify receiving presents? You have calculated what they will spend compared to what you will spend!!! This is madness! Stop and realise that you are actually saying that you don't think that they have spent enough money to get the presents! This is crazy.

almostblue · 03/09/2008 15:28

This thread is actually making me feel a bit queasy...

I should leave, but I'm sort of transfixed in horror.

belgo · 03/09/2008 15:29

sparkleydiscogirl -I kind of see youir point - if all the parties were seperate, you wouldn't have to go to the all and buy a present for all the boys.

But seeing as they are all together, you feel obliged to buy each boy a present.

dmo · 03/09/2008 15:30

i think you would have been more dismayed if your child had not received an invite!
goggle offers of the day and it comes up with fab items all at great prices or go onto promational codes (in mumsnet) and they have ds game for £3.50 bargain