To be shocked and dismayed that DS has been invited to a joint party.

[SparklyDiscoGirl]

This party is going to be in a soft-play centre and it is a joint party between 4 of the boys in his class.

AIBU to think that this is a total cop-out on behalf of the parents involved?

DS is friends with all 4 of the boys and so it will be impossible to do anything excpet buy a present each for all 4 boys.

The parents who are planning this party clearly realise that this will be the predicament for all of the parents of invited children and yet are going ahead with this ludicrous plan regardless.

AIBU to think this is just taking the whole joint party thing waaay too far?

me too

ghastly places

always a dull roar in the background

Actually, having thought it all through, I am embarrassed that I started this thread in such a poxy and wanky way now.

I need more practice at this mumsnetting thing.

Sorry.

again.

Don't

This is a rare example of AIBU actually achieving something - woohoo!

(I need more practice, too)

I've always got DS involved in buying the presents. I don't just buy something on sale and stash it away for later. We spend the time going to the shops (though usually the first toy shop will do) and DS picks up something he thinks the other child will like. Strangely, I've never had to ask him to up it a bit, quite often have to say "that costs too much". He wants something as special for the other child as he'd like to get for himself. That makes him about as materialistic as any other little boy. Also, remember people, it's also about your children, not whether you like your weekends buggered by drop-offs and pick-ups from b'day parties.

Homemade cards are fine - keeps the DCs entertained for the morning and they forget to ask if it's time to leave for the party yet.

Ahh SDG, your [blushes]'s and apologies are very endearing, you are obviously really much nicer than you first appeared.

Don't worry about it, everyone will have forgotten this by about 6.30pm and have moved on to some other moral outrage. We are like that.

People who recycle toys - how do you do this? Don't your DCs know what they got? Don't they remember about them at least when they write the thank-you notes?

Finally, how about when you visit a new baby? Do you bother with presents for the baby? Why, they don't know or care anyway. It's just social conventions that I don't think all that many people flout really.

God, I thought this was going to be a thread about small children with bongs. How disappointing.

I can't be bothered to read through all the responses but you are being unreasonable. If they haven't had a joint party they may have had four individual parties so you would still have had four pressies to buy.

SDG - don't worry. But you must realise you've entered a nest of vipers. My first OP was whether my DS's school wasn't overdoing it by introduing a prayer before going home - he's at a CoE and they already did assembly every morning. You'd have thought nobody had ever in the history of mankind given this a thought before me. Anyhow, I only remember one particularly viperous poster from that thread. The rest - all forgotten. (Glad to report that the extra prayer was a short-lived experiment. Obviously children have more sense than some adults.)

rolf at georgiamama.

cthea - we once got back a present that we had given to another child. I thought it was really
and I always buy stuff my children like so DS1 was perfectly happy.

The only time I was really was when I gave a child a present that was.... the same as the gift she gave DD in her party bag
AND it was expensive - £20 plus
AND it wasn't the only thing in the party bag!!!

I comforted myself that someone would only do that to be flash so little girls mum was probably really REALLY happy.

Apology accepted SDG.

My first post was a swipe against a friend who happened to be a working mother.

Mumsnetters soon put me straight.

I recycle pressies - the kids always get too much stuff and get duplicates,

the kids often forget some of the stuff they had.

I also buy things as I see them - Asda does £1 books, and I have got loads of brilliant ones (Richard Scarry stuff, fix it duck etc) - and add to them,

and we always make cards (though 12 year old DSS now refuses especially as none of us can draw)

Hmmm... not sure whether to change my name or not now

Pagwatch - party bags more than £1.50-2 a head? Where do you live?

nah stick with it, you are 'known' now, and remember there is no such thing as bad publicity.

although I'm always changing my name, I don't like being known.

liking the 'select' bit

Not so keen on the 'no free entry into stately homes'

I like stately homes.

I recyle presents.

they love openeing the presents but rarely remember what they had. I ciphon(?) some off into a box under the stairs to use for other parties.

tis indeed a badge of honour

How odd - when I get invites to joint parties I am just relieved that it means there are less Saturday pms taken up by parties and eating into our family time!

I have held a 3 way joint party before, but we made it clear on the invite that only one present was expected. At the end of the party we put the presents into a large sack and the 3 birthday boys did lucky dips for their share of the presents. Perfect solution!

I am afraid I don't have time to spend carefully matching each present to each child - we stock a large and varied present cupboard and the DCs are invited to pick whatever gift they believe is most suitable for the birthday child from teh cupboard before going to the party. I usually fill it up a couple of times a year when I see a good bargain!

Oh FFS does it not occur to the OP that the 4 kids might all have birthdays within a day or two of each other and the parents not be able to face the negotiations of each having a separate date for a party?

Soapbox - but isn't that a false economy? As you'll buy presents that may never get used or are given away at some stage because they've been hanging around for too long and the corners are getting frayed etc. Anyway, I like spending time with DS like this (buying stuff, wrapping it up, getting him to plan the b'day card, make it).

Not really, anything that hangs around too long can go to the charity shop. More often anyone visiting for the weekend who has younger children can help themsleves to a a 'treat' from the cupboard. Or they go to school fairs etc.

Oh for the days of softplay parties...

DD (12) has just come home with an invite to a 13th birthday party

• Held in a Country Club (Country Club! Fark me! Cheltenham is nothing if not pretentious).

• has a dress code for crying out loud (code: dressy colour: black and white)

• Is on a Saturday night from 7 until 10.30 (that's my night in front of the telly with a bottle of red scuppered)

• is 14 SODDING miles away

So cherish the party bag and pass the parcel mind-games whilst you can before you encounter this madness