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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be shocked and dismayed that DS has been invited to a joint party.

421 replies

SparklyDiscoGirl · 03/09/2008 13:23

This party is going to be in a soft-play centre and it is a joint party between 4 of the boys in his class.

AIBU to think that this is a total cop-out on behalf of the parents involved?

DS is friends with all 4 of the boys and so it will be impossible to do anything excpet buy a present each for all 4 boys.

The parents who are planning this party clearly realise that this will be the predicament for all of the parents of invited children and yet are going ahead with this ludicrous plan regardless.

AIBU to think this is just taking the whole joint party thing waaay too far?

OP posts:
georgimama · 03/09/2008 20:59

Sparkly, can I be the first to say that you have got your knickers in a twist, without being flamed for being rude?

pointydog · 03/09/2008 21:05

ONly read op. Are you annoyed at the cost? If so, it's the perfect excuse to get them small presents. Get them all a sooper dooper bouncy ball for a few quid.

You can't go wrong with a sooper dooper bouncy ball.

pointydog · 03/09/2008 21:06

Don;t bother to read that. I am so far behind on this thread I don't know why I posted.

tigermoth · 04/09/2008 07:10

Or buy each child supersoaker from the pound shop (....ducks and runs).

SoupDragon · 04/09/2008 09:08

No, only buy one child a super soaker

shrinkingsagpuss · 04/09/2008 09:14

YAB VERY U !!!

if you choose to have a big party and spend lots, and get lots of lovely prezzies for your DS then great, but sharing a party is a practical wy of celbreting 4 kids birthdays that are obviously close to each other, and thta way, they each get to have all their friends, and not have a problkem over who goes to whos party!!

I have aproblem with a party for a 3 yr old with 25-30 kids at it....... no 3yr old truly has 30 friends!!

pooka · 04/09/2008 09:14

DD had a joint party with 3 of her friends, all of whom have birthdays in a short space of time. Not all at the same school.
We organised it so that we all had 12 invitations to give out. But some of the friends were joint (so dd and one of her friends invited one particular girl they both know well, so they got an invitation from x and y. Some from w and z. To avoid the idea that every parent would have to buy 4 presents.

elliott · 04/09/2008 09:15

Surely no-one gives a kids party in order to get 'car-loads of £10 presents'?

shrinkingsagpuss · 04/09/2008 09:20

i was being a little facetious!!

Blackduck · 04/09/2008 09:23

I'm with MP on this - sooner go to one rather than FOUR!

bossykate · 04/09/2008 09:32

i had a whisper of miffed-ness recently over a joint party... we didn't know the other boy that well and if they had had separate parties wouldn't have been invited to the other boy's iyswim. stumped up for two pretty decent (but not ott) presents and didn't then get a thank you from second boy...

anyway, i got over it in time

BloodySmartarseToTheRescue · 04/09/2008 09:43

whatthe...
synopsis anyone? or have you all lost the will to live?
from reading first few posts i cant really see how one would maintain such a will for 360-odd more... [i need one of those smileys with the big wide eyes, i think theyd cover a lot of ground, dont you?]

IndigoMoon · 04/09/2008 11:30

personally i would prefer to go to a joint party than have to make time for four seperate birthday parties.

i did a joint one this year with one of dds friends and we just did bumper party bags.

and it was at the snowdome so a good party all in all we reckoned.

pagwatch · 04/09/2008 12:42

This thread is making me ROLF.
Why is everyone egtting their knickers in a twist about what other people spend on their parties - Sparkly oh so literally !

I will be spending loads on DDs party this Sunday. I am very lucky as I can afford it. And I love kids parties as I never had one my whole childhood - so isshoos about my DC's having them. The kids who come will all have a good time. My DD, if last years is anything to go by, will love her presents because she loves them. She won't have a clue how much they cost and I couldn't care less how much they cost. More importantly my friends and her friends know that we don't give a toss how much they spend as long as they come and have fun.

People who think that spending money to show off is good are small minded. But people who are bitchy and snyde about how other people choose to celebrate are just as bad IMO.

cthea · 04/09/2008 17:29

Pagwatch - "People who think that spending money to show off is good are small minded." Are you sure that's what you meant? Having just boasted how extravagant you like to be?

stroppyshopper · 04/09/2008 22:48

Like others have said, if he's friends with all four of them, you would have gone to four parties and bought four gifts anyway. Frankly, I'd be happier to go to one party instead of having Sat/Sun taken up with parties two weekends running.

If it really bothers you, then choose a total amount you feel you would like to or can afford to spend, divide by four and let you son go into Woolworths and choose one thing for each boy within that spending limit. It's amazing what you can get for a fiver in Woolies.

OR make a donation to a charity and get four gift acknowledgement cards, give one to each boy, making clear that a joint donation has been made to X charity in the names of all four of them together. That will probably get your point across to the parents in a subtle way, if it's important to you to do so.

The parents probably will cut down costs by splitting four ways, so you shouldn't feel bad giving a smaller gift to each of them.

ethanchristopher · 04/09/2008 22:54

i gave a joint party between ds and 2 of his friends (so 3 joint party) and about 30 people came

we recognized thwe problem and on each invertation we wrote down the name of the child that you had to buy a present for (so they only had to buy one present)

of course they could buy one present for each if they wished

it worked out at about 10 presents each and many parents got a main present for their chosen child and like some sweets or something little for the other 2.

i think this is the best way to handle kids parties otherwise its dammed expensive

YANBU

ginnny · 04/09/2008 23:05

I think what the OP is saying is that she would rather her ds go to 4 parties and take a present to each rather than take 4 presents to one party.
Personally, I would see it as killing 4 birds with 1 stone.
Ferrying them to parties every weekend is a pita.

Gobbledigook · 04/09/2008 23:15

What's the problem?

Ds3 is having his party with 2 of his friends - they all have their birthdays in August so it's difficult to arrange parties for them.

Surely bringing 3 gifts to one party is just the same as taking 1 gift to each child at 3 separate parties, except you don't have the hassle of getting your child to 3 parties.

Parties are a PITA generally and eat into your weekend meaning your child either misses it or the whole family has it's plans on standby.

I'm not sure what's to get angry about.

Gobbledigook · 04/09/2008 23:23

I have to add that we also thought it would be nice to have this joint party because that way we could invite the whole class - since these are children that have just joined reception we thought it would be nice for them all to get together for a party on a Friday afternoon after their first couple of weeks at school.

Any parent that gets their pants in a tizz about the gift aspect is not worth my energy in worrying about it.

Gobbledigook · 04/09/2008 23:24

So ths is not THE sparkly? Cos I thought it was a bit of a weird thread for her to post!

WendyWeber · 04/09/2008 23:32

It is another sparkly

Somewhere waaaay down the thread she mentions that a) it isn't a softplay party - just a normal session and

b) that the birthdays concerned are spread between September & October (specific dates given but I can't remember)

so basically it is just a v v cheap party divided between 4 families - which is fine, as long as they don't expect anything other than 4 v v cheap pressies in return!

Janni · 04/09/2008 23:47

I cannot imagine being anything other than delighted at such a clever party. The present thing would not bother me at all. I would get together with a few other parents and buy something decent between us for each boy.

Gobbledigook · 05/09/2008 08:22

Oh I seeee - yes, the thread was too long to read the whole lot.

My party is legit then?

stitch · 05/09/2008 08:33

ds1 was once invited to a triple party. i felt really annoyed. we normally spend about ten pounds per present. which is fine if he had been able to go to three parties but, spending thirty pounds so he could go to one soft play center was imo taking the piss.
four presents wouild have me fuming.