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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be shocked and dismayed that DS has been invited to a joint party.

421 replies

SparklyDiscoGirl · 03/09/2008 13:23

This party is going to be in a soft-play centre and it is a joint party between 4 of the boys in his class.

AIBU to think that this is a total cop-out on behalf of the parents involved?

DS is friends with all 4 of the boys and so it will be impossible to do anything excpet buy a present each for all 4 boys.

The parents who are planning this party clearly realise that this will be the predicament for all of the parents of invited children and yet are going ahead with this ludicrous plan regardless.

AIBU to think this is just taking the whole joint party thing waaay too far?

OP posts:
daftpunk · 03/09/2008 18:29

worst part of it all is ...how do the children feel about it? the whole point of a party is to make the birthday boy/girl feel it's their special day ..4 children sharing a party isn't going to make any of them feel special.

Heated · 03/09/2008 18:31

I can understand where Sparkly's coming from because she buys a £15 present usually and spaced out over a bit of time that doesn't feel too bad. But Sparkly you shouldn't feel you have to spend £15x4 and pay ticket entrance to accompany your dc to this party. The parents can't possibly think that either or will learn not to host joint parties if they're in it for the presents.

Overmydeadbody · 03/09/2008 18:32

that's not true daftpunk, why would they feel any less special?

I imagine it would make them feel even more special, having a joint party with another friend.

Heated · 03/09/2008 18:32

But can now see Sparkly's arrived at this point herself too

Overmydeadbody · 03/09/2008 18:33

and sparky, I have taken DS to parties without a present, or with a very small present, when we've been hard up. I hope no one noticed let alone judged.

daftpunk · 03/09/2008 18:41

overmydeadbody

i think they would feel less special, but i guess it depends on the age..if we're talking about, say a five year old little girl..surely she would want to be the centre of attention? if we're talking about four 12 year old boys all having a football party.. maybe that's different.

i have 4 dc..i adore childrens party's..i have always given my children a birthday party..but never shared, it's just not my style.

Anglepoise · 03/09/2008 18:44

When I was about eight, I went to a party while my parents were away and grandparents looking after us, and mum hadn't left a present wrapped up, so I just took something very small out of the present drawer (mini set of paints). When my birthday rolled round a few months later, the girl-whose-party-it-had-been brought me a very small present and told me that her mum thought I shouldn't get anything bigger because we gave her a small present. I think we gave the girl-whose-party-it-had-been a "proper" present at my party. I've felt guilty about this for about 24 years. Now I just feel a bit annoyed with the other girl's mum

I love a thread with a happy ending

LackaDAISYcal · 03/09/2008 19:10

in turns at the OP reading all of this thread.

when i invite DSs friends to a party, it's because he wants to share the day with his friends, not because we are expecting a huge haul of presents. I wouldn't care if people didn't bring a present, and equally I have been gobsmacked by the generosity of others.

As a guest, I certainly don't worry that I'm getting my money's worth; that is such a shallow and materialistic wat to view a kiddie's party. DS has fun with his friends and that's all that matters; if there are more friends than normal, so much the better from his POV.

And having spent about £120 on a party and party bags (with a nice bit of wooden tat in rather than plastic ) for only 12 children recently, I'd have jumped at the chance of sharing this cost with others.

YAB very U

LackaDAISYcal · 03/09/2008 19:12

and a whole heap of as well at what sort of values you are passing on to your DS if this is how you feel about a kiddie's party, especially when you would have been happy to spend the money on the presents individually anyway.

georgimama · 03/09/2008 19:41

Lack, if you had read the whole thread, you would find that the OP has now concluded that she was BU for herself, and was mainly concerned about appearing mean because the cost of funding 4 x presents in one go meant that she was not going to spend as much as if they had been more spaced out (so not really lacking in values actually).

If you spent £120 on a party for a small child recently, more fool you.

quaranta · 03/09/2008 19:46

it's a great idea! i can't understand why it wouldn't be a great idea for the kids and the parents! or am i missing something?

SoupDragon · 03/09/2008 19:46

"more fool you" Charming.

spicemonster · 03/09/2008 19:47

Don't all kids parties cost about 100 quid? Unless you live in a house big enough for a load of kids to come over and trash it play?

thequietone · 03/09/2008 19:47

Is it just me who thought a 'joint party' was something else entirely?

Flibbertyjibbet · 03/09/2008 19:48

Oh I knew it was tempting fate to come on an AIBU party thread...
We've been party free for months. Picked up my little darlings from nursery and ds1 has a party invite for a week on sat.

I might start another thread about 'if someone invites both my children to a party do I have to supply two presents'?

As so many people on this thread think that 1 invite = 1 present.

Hulababy · 03/09/2008 19:50

Wouldn;t bother me. Saves on money for hositing the party - the cst of parties can really add up.

A gift is not essential BTW. Take a card.

But if you do want a gift, get an inexpensive one for each child. Book sets from the Book People can work out at around £1-2 each.

Wilkiepedia · 03/09/2008 19:50

Don't see the issue. You are being VVVU!!!

Just spend £5 on each child (maybe a book token or the like)

What is the problem - think it is very sensible of the parents TBH

spicemonster · 03/09/2008 19:53

*NEWSFLASH**

The OP has posted to say that she accepts she was BU and that she was just worried about appearing a meanie by not spending as much as she normally does on presents. Can we leave her alone now please?

And yes, it is very disappointing that this thread isn't about drugs. I was preparing to get properly indignant and everything!

georgimama · 03/09/2008 19:55

It's a ridiculous amount of money to waste and yes, more fool anyone who gets sucked into this crap, especially when so many can ill afford it. What is the point, especially when so many admit that the presents end up in the bin, at the charity shop, or endlessly recycled between parties??

  1. there is no need to invite 12 children. Most children have only 3 or 4 very close friends (at any one moment anyway).

  2. there is no need to hire ANYWHERE if you only invite 3 or 4. Home will do.

  3. there is no need to "do" party bags. A "party bag" consists of a piece of birthday cake and maybe a balloon. That's it. It's birthday boy or girl's party, they get the presents (not necessarily from the guests, but certainly can't see why the guests get presents for going to someone else's birthday party. Do you give your friends gifts if they come to your birthday party? Thought not).

mazzystar · 03/09/2008 19:59

don't understand why you can;t still give them a "decent" present, if you were going to buy each of them something anyway, had they chosen to have their parties spread out over a few more weeks?

Surfermum · 03/09/2008 20:00

Not in my dd's case daftpunk. For her 5th birthday she was given the option of a shared party or one of her own. It was her choice to have the shared party.

LackaDAISYcal · 03/09/2008 20:00

sincere apologies to the OP

I posted before I had refreshed the screen and missed that georgimama, but thanks for pointing it out in such an enlightening way

12 children...£7.50 a head for soft play and £2.50 for party bag. Not extravagant as parties go imvho, I was just trying to get across the cost of having even a small party, let alone one for the whole class, although I don't really see why I should have to justify it to.....erm who?

georgimama · 03/09/2008 20:03

You don't have to justify it to anyone, do what you will with your money, you were the one who brought up the matter of the immense cost of children's parties.

I merely suggested this was an unnecessary expense.

As you were.

LackaDAISYcal · 03/09/2008 20:04

another cross post .

My DS and I will invite as many kids as we see fit to his party. How very fucking dare you tell me that he can't possibly have 12 good friends.

there were five schoolfriends (is he allowed that many though? ), four very good friends who happen to be our very good friends' children and his three cousins.....not that it's any of your fucking business.

georgimama · 03/09/2008 20:06

I really hope your child does/did enjoy this party as much as you intend him to, because you do seem awfully over invested in it.

And you're right, it is none of my "fucking" business, see above.