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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be shocked and dismayed that DS has been invited to a joint party.

421 replies

SparklyDiscoGirl · 03/09/2008 13:23

This party is going to be in a soft-play centre and it is a joint party between 4 of the boys in his class.

AIBU to think that this is a total cop-out on behalf of the parents involved?

DS is friends with all 4 of the boys and so it will be impossible to do anything excpet buy a present each for all 4 boys.

The parents who are planning this party clearly realise that this will be the predicament for all of the parents of invited children and yet are going ahead with this ludicrous plan regardless.

AIBU to think this is just taking the whole joint party thing waaay too far?

OP posts:
Original poster
SparklyDiscoGirl · 03/09/2008 16:51

It is absolutely not quid pro quo present giving.

I usually like to give 'decent' presents & I will not be able to do that now because of the joint party thing.

Separate parties would not have been on the same weekend. These boys birthdays range from Sept 1st to Oct 28th and they are having the party on a random date in the middle.

OP posts:
VanillaPumpkin · 03/09/2008 16:51

FWIW my dd's would be delighted with a bag of marbles!

almostblue · 03/09/2008 16:52

(and my dcs would love a packet of pencils. They might be a bit confused by fir cones, mind you...)

VanillaPumpkin · 03/09/2008 16:53

Acorns though would go down a treat judging by the stash I just found in dd's pocket.

almostblue · 03/09/2008 16:54

SDG - maybe you should let the recipients judge what is and isn't a 'decent' present.

It's not, actually, about you, you know - cut yourself some slack, and try and remember what is being celebrated here...

TheFallenMadonna · 03/09/2008 16:54

You don't have to spend vast amounts of money on presents. If other parents want to, then that's their business. I spend about 3 quid per present. This year boys have got compasses or mini kites and girls have got hair accessories.

It's not the amount the OP is intending to spend per child that makes me - it's the fact that she seems to be doing the maths not because of her own budget but because of how the party is organised.

Apologies OP if I have misunderstood.

nooka · 03/09/2008 16:54

I guess it depends on your social circles really. I usually reckon on round about five pounds for generic presents (usually taking the three for two, special offer type approach, so maybe the non sale cost might be closer to seven pounds). For kids I know and like I am happy to pay a fair bit more for something I think they will like, but then there are quite a small number of these (maybe five or six in the year). I have no problems with gift recycling, but wouldn't give something tatty as a gift unless it was a private deal between the boys (ie my nephew gave ds all his Yu-Gi-Oh cards, and he was overjoyed).

TheFallenMadonna · 03/09/2008 16:55

Ah x-post.

Decent = pricey.

OK.

Ronaldinhio · 03/09/2008 16:56

What about a giant tin of sweets to be opened at the party
Thus making you the most popular mum there amongst the boys and the least popular amongst the parents

foxytocin · 03/09/2008 16:56

I'm sure this convo has moved on by now and others have suggested it already but can't keep my own trap shut....

Say you would normally buy a present for a tenner for one of them. this time take that tenner and divide it 4 ways.

I only clicked on to see if it was a joint/spliff party you were talking about.

Kewcumber · 03/09/2008 17:00

"I usually like to give 'decent' presents & I will not be able to do that now because of the joint party thing"

How much do you usually spend? How much are you planning on spending now?

Do you feel you will look cheap to spend less?

Presumably their parents have worked out that many people will not be spending as much on each individual boy and have no problme with that.

(Bad news for you, what you think is a "decent present" is probably still out in the dustbin after a week or so)

Ronaldinhio · 03/09/2008 17:00

Anyway what does it really matter what you buy or anything at all for that matter? They boys will only care that you turned up and had a nice time.
Why not spend a bit of time making some cards instead or bake some brownies and package nicely....
No one invites you to a party to see what you will bring and it's mostly tat anyway even if you perceive it to be "decent"
(sorry if this has been said but couldn't face wading through the thread again)

almostblue · 03/09/2008 17:01

OP has come to that conclusion, foxy.

But now she's worried that 'her' gifts won't be expensive 'decent' enough...

BecauseImWorthIt · 03/09/2008 17:01

"I usually like to give 'decent' presents"

So it's all about you, really SDG.

At this age their definition of 'decent' will be very different from yours.

Get over yourself and just buy 4 x £5 presents.

Tesco sell DVDs starting from £3 so I'm sure you could find something 'decent' there.

Bringbackmybonnietome · 03/09/2008 17:02

Yes, go, and buy cheaper presents.

Really most poeple are not as focused on value for money and assessing money spent, as you are, when it coms to kids party presents, it's a gesture, something wrapped up, anything, for the child, and no one cares ime that you haven't got something expensive.

Expesive 'proper' presents are for children you are close to and know well, party presents are more tokenistic. £5 does fine, cheap and cheerful shite, that the kids love.

Blu · 03/09/2008 17:04

But if you would normally have bought 4 presents, for these boys who are friends of your DS, why can't you still? Is it too much outlay in one month, rather than the 2 months thoise b'days would be spread over? THAT is completely understandable.

Can SoftPlay parties, with play, tea, party bags, and cake REALLY be had at £6 per head? All the ones I have looked at (i.e browsed leaflets while enduring a session there)offered hideous teas at extortionate prices per child here, for example, £10.5 per child - because you would want the 'themed' party to get the cups, plates etc, otherwise it would be a bare table - PLUS £1.50 per party bag

casbie · 03/09/2008 17:08

homemade cards - brings me to tears everytime!

am i the only one who doesn't mind if children don't bring presents to my little ones birthday party. i'd much rather they had fun.

TheDevilWearsPrimark · 03/09/2008 17:09

focused on value for money and asses

pmsl (as it reads in active convos)

Ronaldinhio · 03/09/2008 17:13

cock off casbie I love homemade cards
(cheap sentimental fool emoticon)

Surfermum · 03/09/2008 17:16

If their birthdays are spread out over a few weeks, why don't you wait and give them their presents on their actual birthdays rather than at the party.

You can spread the cost then and still spend what you would normally spend.

FioFio · 03/09/2008 17:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

belgo · 03/09/2008 17:18

or you could just not give any birthday cards and cite concern for your personal economy the environment as your reason.

Usbornebooksathomeorganiser · 03/09/2008 17:19

I haven't read all the replies as it is so long. But what is the problem?

Do you really expect them to have seperate partie just so that you can get a party for each gift you buy?

I really don't get it?

Guadalupe · 03/09/2008 17:21

I would be shocked and dismayed if I had to go to four soft play parties.

bundle · 03/09/2008 17:22

guadalupe, i'd be suicidal