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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate having my dp's family here?

67 replies

lauraloola · 23/08/2008 17:06

My dp's mum lives in America and has come home today for a week to see my dd who is now 11 weeks old.

I have been dreading it. Dp and me are not getting on as it is and he has the whole week off. I just want it to be me and dd like always.

Anyway, dp's mum came here at 11am. Dd did good and cried at her and then fell asleep on me - I didnt move for 3 hours so that I had her to myself. Dp's brother and nephew turned up and walked grass all on my hoovered carpet and farted and burped thinking it was funny.

Then dp lets slip that his Aunt is coming up tomorrow probably with her dp and son.

AHHHHHHHHH. I dont like them. I used to, they are nice people but I just dont want them around my dd. I also want my house back. Why should I be the one to entertain? I love my family being round her.

Am I being unreasonable. I barely spoke today, she probably thinks I have pnd!

To make it worse, they are back for Christmas for 2 weeks - My dd's first Christmas x

OP posts:
cyteen · 23/08/2008 17:08

"they are nice people but I just dont want them around my dd"

Think you've answered your own question there

scorpio1 · 23/08/2008 17:08

YA being a bit U

She is probably really excited to meet your dd, it won't hurt dd in anyway to be cuddeled by anyone else....

Don't entertain. they can make tea, etc.

Are they staying in your house at xmas?

MrsMattie · 23/08/2008 17:08

Sounds like you weren't quite ready house guests after the birth of your first child . It's quite common. I couldn't bear my DH's family - especially his mum - being near me after the birth of my son. I just wanted it to be us in our own little world.

Take a few deep breaths, tell yourself it's only a few more days and make the effort. It'll all be over soon!

LucyJones · 23/08/2008 17:09

you sound a bit unreasonable to be honest
Do you love your dp?
You say you love your family being round but not his? I take it this is the first time his mum has seen her grandchild?

2 weeks at xmas though is a bit much, couldn't they stay somewhere else and just come certain days?

MrsMattie · 23/08/2008 17:10

Oh, and not sure what to suggest about Xmas!

Original poster
lauraloola · 23/08/2008 17:10

No, they arent staying here at Christmas. I am hoping they will visit family elsewhere for Christmas day as I have it all planned and I know dp will make me change my plans.

I am so tired after them here for a few hours. I hate to think how I am going to feel after a week.

I think the fact that dp and me arent getting on isnt helping. He has starting finding things to do when dd cries yet when his mum was here he was the perfect dad!!!

OP posts:
MuchLessTiredNow · 23/08/2008 17:11

I think it's quite common for new mums to hate having other people staying. My neighbour after the birth of her first had to leave the house for an hour while they all cooed over the baby as she couldn't bear it. Still - vent away - that's what mn is for and better to get it out of your system here.

posieflump · 23/08/2008 17:12

It's okay to be dreading her to come and stay but it's a bit much much wanting your dd to cry the first time she meets her grandmother and to want to keep her all to yourself (except your own family).
Do you think you might have a teeny bit of pnd to be barely speaking to your dp's mum - you say you and dp arent getting on, is it a serious not going on, or just irritating each other?

scorpio1 · 23/08/2008 17:12

Just put your foot down about xmas day - we always have it just us and dc, thats how we like it.

Kick dp up the arse about when his dd cries. Maybe he is nervous parenting infront of his own mother?

Get her involved in cooking, bathing, cleaning. make use of her!

bubblagirl · 23/08/2008 17:13

i was going to ask if this is a wind up

are you sure you do not have post natal depression seems odd you dont want anyone touching her at all

abit unfair i love my family being around her and i held her for 3 hours so i had her to myself

its her family her nan who doesnt live close by you should be letting them have quality time his family have as much rights as yours

as for grass on capet that happens not a big deal really are you tired stressed are you sure you feel ok

as i dont get why you dont want anyone but you or your family near her its really not fair on dp or his family you should be so proud and showing her off

and to say you dont like them for no apparant reason you just dont want them round your daughter she is your dp's daughter too and maybe he wantsd his family to have a look in

maybe you should talk to your hv about how your feeling x

posieflump · 23/08/2008 17:14

it rings alarm bells when you say you are tired after them being there 3 hours when all you did was stay still for 3 hours while your dd slept on you

Try to think of how you can use the visit positively - ie so what if your dp is only being perfect for a week, try and relax and enjoy the break, let them take your dd out for walks while you rest, let them make dinner, cups of tea, don't wash up or anything, use this week as a break

Original poster
lauraloola · 23/08/2008 17:14

God, I am awful arent I! Thanks for making me see sense. I will try harder (It was funny when she cried at her though )

OP posts:
posieflump · 23/08/2008 17:15

no not awful!! but do you think you might have a wee bit of pnd, or is this the way you always feel around MIL

scorpio1 · 23/08/2008 17:15

Also, you dont want dd to get too used to sleeping on you !

I would get my mil to make lasagnes, cottage pies etc to freeze, do washing, all sorts!

bubblagirl · 23/08/2008 17:16

relationships always suffer a bit when dc is first born mine and my dp did dont let communication drop and still amke time for eaxch othter baby is very important but so is your relationship you sound stressed try to relax and enjoy the fact you have people that can help and give you 5 mins

i always moaned dp didntr help and found i would rather do it myself anyway as didnt want to look like i couldnt cope

take small step back enjoy help from othersd and get dp to do all cooking etc

mumeeee · 23/08/2008 17:18

YABU,

Original poster
lauraloola · 23/08/2008 17:18

I have been like this with her for ages. Its not just since dd has been born. I am sure I dont have pnd but may mention it to my hv.

OP posts:
bubblagirl · 23/08/2008 17:20

and make time for a kiss and a cuddle its stressful enough having a small demading human being but pushing each other away doesnt help resentment has no room in there

just take 5 mins tell each other you love each other and kiss and cuddle and start again support each other tewll him calmly if he needs to do something different as men dont automatically know things the way we do with children they need asking nicely

i really hope you can enjoy yourself and dont see the negative turn it into a positive for you

you and dp could even nip up the road for half hour just the two of you a small date over half a lager or something

halogen · 23/08/2008 17:21

I think you are being a tiny bit unreasonable as others have said because these people are your daughter's family. However, I can totally empathise with feeling tired out by your in-laws. I feel exactly the same (and I haven't got a new baby)!

Original poster
lauraloola · 23/08/2008 17:21

Thanks everyone, I will try harder and make them feel welcome xx

OP posts:
AbbeyA · 23/08/2008 17:22

YABU. Just fast forward 20 or 30 yrs and your DD having a partner who doesn't want anything to do with you-I am sure you would find it deeply distressing.

LucyJones · 23/08/2008 17:23

would she babysit so you can have just an hour alone with your dp to discuss things?

AbbeyA · 23/08/2008 17:24

Sorry- I didn't see your last post when I wrote mine!

Original poster
lauraloola · 23/08/2008 17:26

She would babysit but Im not sure about leaving dd with someone she isnt familiar with. I havent even let her stay with my parents yet and they see her nearly everyday!

Not sure what to do about dp. I cant believe how different he was as soon as MIL was here. He was good to start with and helped with everything. Now I do everything, he mows the lawn and thats it unless I nag him. Then he has a go at me for not asking him to help?????

OP posts:
Original poster
lauraloola · 23/08/2008 17:27

AbbeyA - That is a good point. I would hate it. I wasnt rude to her today. I just wasnt very chatty. I fobbed it off as being tired - I do look like sh*t today so I think she believed me!!

OP posts:
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