to be driven nuts by friends who pander to their dc's unreasonable requests?

[deaconblue]

examples from different friends recently
child 1 "I want to wash the baby's neck"
me "sorry darling but dd has a sore neck so only I can wash it"
her mother "don't worry darling you can wash mummy's neck instead"

child 2 " I want to get in the baby's buggy"
me "sorry but she's only just gone to sleep so you can't get in the buggy with her"
his mother "can he get in and I'll push it around so she doesn't wake up"
me "umm no"

start a new thread and put down all the details.
here

tootidy - and why couldn't you have just said that instead of the and the face?

Sometimes parents give in. For any number of reasons. It doesn't mean they have something wrong with them. Maybe they are ill. Maybe they are struggling to cope. Maybe they are having a crap day. It happens.

ST,

Sorry to be harsh about HV - but that's my experience.

Anyhow, How old is your son?

Message withdrawn

I hate it when parents say no all the time, dh and I used to be guilty of this, now if we can't think of a good reason not too then the answer is usually yes. wy shoul;dn't child wash her mothers neck, where is the harm.

I agree with ImnotMamaGbutsheLovesMe.

She speaks sense.

While in an idealised world we would all say no, carry it through and have no problems - that is an idealised world though. The real world isn't always that easy.

Sometimes your wrong.

Sometimes you get stuck in a negative cycle of constantly fighting.

Sometimes things change.

Sometimes you have no energy to fight today and what they want to do won't kill them.

Tis not the same as constantly pandering.

Imnotm......

Angry face because I sometimes find it very annoying when parents give in to their kids both personally and professionally. I agree with what you are saying about parents being ill, struggling to cope etc and these are different circumstances but on the whole having a crap day is no excuse and will lead to many more crap days.

sunnytimer - that is what you should do imo He will learnt hat he has cold feet if he doesn'tr wear his shoes. Many a time mine have been in the car with nothing on their feet. They don't need to know their shoes are in the boot!

I don't see what was so unreasonable about the 1st request nor how the mother reacted.

In the 2nd scenario perhaps the mother was just trying to avoid a tantrum in someone else's home which might have resulted in waking up the baby.

Nothing wrong with picking your battles.

I am a single parent and have brought my kids up alone for 10 yrs.They are alot better behaved than most of the kids from two parent familys.
I have had depression, i work 12 hrs a day 5 days a week there is no excuse.The more you give in the more kids try their luck.
And yes sometimes you give in but not when they are having a mega tantrum cause next time the tantrum will be longer because they know you will give in.kids are not stupid.

ST,

In regards to having 2 pre-school kids - I found that really tough too. I hope someone can you advise about the physical stuff with DS - I'm not sure what to advise - I have 2 girls although have minded 'rough and tumble boys'.
As a CM you are limited to action you can take!

I am leaving this thread.

Don't belong here with you perfect mothers who can cope and have never had to give in or change their minds after saying no.

Ta ra!

ImnotMamaGbutsheLovesMe I am really sorry you are upset. I agree with you fwiw.

Message withdrawn

Imnotmamag, no-one is perfect. Im certainly not a perfect mother...I have no problem admitting that. There are times when I give in, because im tired, pissed off etc.

People are just saying its not ok to do it all the time for obvious reasons, it will make your life harder being one of them! Noone is making a personal dig at you

Damn those Threads Im On links.

tootidy and kittykats made me feel crap and I can do without it.

Thanks to those that were kind. You obviously know me and are cutting some slack

Me too - definitely agree with picking your battles too. Sometimes I say "no" and think "why did I say that?" and I change my mind - it's either that or have ww3 about something unimportant. If it is important then I stick to my guns.

Only read the recent posts. I agree with turniphead and coppertop.

Don't agree with if you give them an inch they will take a mile. If anything, if children are allowed latitude and the power to convince their parents to change their minds through reasonable means, it encourages a creative and independent thinker. I dislike mindless compliance in children and don't get parents who insist on it.

I grew up in a different country with that kind of obedience culture and you get some of the least creative and most judgmental people in the world - because they only see one way as right and hardly ever question the status quo.

It depends entirely on the child.

If say to ds2 - 'no don't do that'. He says 'sorry mummy'.

If I say to ds3- 'no doubt do that' he screams the place down, argues, shouts, stamps his feet then eventually accepts it.

If I say to ds1 'no don't do that' he either laughs and does it again before wandering off or completely ignores me and has to be physically held down and prevented from doing it (he's 9 now it's not easy).

With ds2- I tell him fairly frequently not to do stuff and we might talk about why.

With ds3 I try distraction first, then if that doesn't work do the no and see out the awful tantrum (but I will go round the houses to avoid it as it's pointless - far easier to try and trick him).

With ds1 I try to warn him that I will be telling him to stop doing something, and if it's harming no-one then I leave him to it even if it's not ideal. I have enough bruises on me- don't need any more.

Different children respond to no in very different ways and it's easier to be the perfect parent with some rather than others.

Blimey I have given in twice just today to my 13mo. She is just starting to give me a taste of what the future holds toddler/tantrum/terrible twos - wise.

Mind you I feel at this age really she is too young to know what is what e.g. tipping her cup upside-down and eating soil.

I'm sure we'll struggle through!

YABU.

imnotmamagbutshelovesme i am sorry i made you feel crap. i was not having a go at you personally.Believe me my daughter was tantrum queen from the age of 2yrs old and yes i proberbly did give in alot.But then i stopped and had a few months where i had to drag her out of shops etc kicking and screaming!But as she got used to me saying no she got better.
As a childminder i have to say no alot as i have lots of kids of all different ages and i have to think of everyone and sometimes i do give in ie: 5 more minutes in park,painting instead of getting the lego out etc but i dont give in when it comes to safety,buying things while we are out etc because i just cant give in.